life updates for anyone who cares

brunch part 3

Soo.. uh my SIL confronted me today about the brunch and it was a little bit awkward if im honest. Well firstly she said she hates coming to brunch in the first place bc she finds it unhelpful and then also bc her husband is only home twice a week – and those two days that they get to spend together as a family are taken away from the brunch bc everyone arrives late and then we start at 11:00 – finish at 12:30 blah blah.

So I agreed to all of that, but honestly I diidnt expect that maturity that she showed, she was annoyed that I didn't talk to her and I said its bc I always feel like shes not giving me the whole picture (like shes not being honest 100%) and then she was like "have you ever asked me anything that you can say that?" and I was like "well, I don't ask you anymore bc its generally the case, but lets stick to the example of the brunch – like I feel like youre telling me its not the cooking, but like everytime you cook, I feel uneasy and as if youre doing it out of resentment"

And then she went a bit quiet and tried to explain that its not the cooking, its actually the state of my MIL's house etc, and I went quiet, bc I try my best to clean it but I cant change people esp my MIL or my FIL who constantly over-buy stock and other things and then I have to take care of it and its quite annoying that that's expected of me, even tho its not my house.

And I get where she was coming from, she was basically saying that it doesn't matter if its not your "responsibility", you do it bc its necessary – which ye, I mean I cant deny the truth. And then she mentioned how when she was pregnant with her first baby, she stayed at my MIL's and had to clean the house bc J.A wouldn't (and tbh I believe this) bc ive seen J.A's standard of cleanliness and its not the best but I don't judge her, and anyways J.A has admitted that she never accepted their house as "hers" like I do. So she recognises this as her mistake

Anyways, S.A then said that she holds other people to the same standard as herself which is very high, but what she consistently forgets is that her husband is a clean freak himself and he winds up after himself so its not fair to compare one person, who pick up after themselves, to 3 people, including my own mess and the mess HER child makes and J.A's child makes – like its literally not the same, and its every other day.

Like if I have a child, ik ill have to pick up after them, and sometimes I wont be able to bc motherhood, but I expect people to give me grace and leave for that, bc toddlers and babies are not easy work and I don't have to "have kids" to know this. Anyways she was pretty reasonable, I do feel a bit annoyed that I didn't talk to her myself, bc I really should've and now it's a little bit awkward but ik we'll get over it.

But I gotta tell her that no one enjoys being compared esp to HER house where I haven't been since Ramadan, like get over yourself a little bit. You can say whatever you want about how "clean" your house is, but im not there every other day to "check" and I don't enjoy being looked at as if youre inspecting me.

Like you know your own mom and how she is, so why try to act like its my job to do it. Bc although she kept saying "its not your fault, its not your fault" she did also say "its not that hard to clean the house" and I was like ??? ye, it truly isn't, but when you are dealing with the symptoms and not the cause its not the same – and how many times can I tell my MIL AND FIL not to buy things, like its literally their house they can do whatever they like and they don't have to ask me, and I would expect the same in my own house.

Anyways, I called up J.A and told her what had happened and that S.A is going to talk to her next, and then I even told her she needs to come earlier for the brunch so that we can all be done with it and move on with our day.

And also I don't see her folding her MIL, FIL AND BIL's clothes and their mess etc. so like why the terrible comparison when its not even the same situation?? And im annoyed at her for that and maybe ill mention it on Sunday. But she was right in some respects and wrong in others, shes rich and so is her husband so she doesn't recognise that we cant always just "fix" things if theyre going to break it all down and rebuild, it doesn't make sense. But that's not up to me anyway.

I was pretty chill during the convo, but I did feel myself wanna cry and I immediately stopped myself bc this was in front of S.A and shes not empathic or kind unfortunately. Shes just a clean freak and that's it really, no other personality trait. 

she started defending her husband taking on more and more work, even tho its his choice bc he has a senior position in his law firm - and theres no reason he would do more work if it wasnt for his choice. bc if someone is burning themselves out, and theres no compulsion on them to do so, except that they love doing it - and then the boss gives you more work to do, then it comes down to your choice. she went quiet when i said that her husband chooses to do it and then said smth like "well if i dont wanna fold my clothes today and no one else is gonna do it, then even if i do it tomorrow, im gonna be doing it" and i just nodded bc i knew she knew i was right and yet she was here talking about it like its not her husband's fault for taking on more work which makes her feel deprived.