life updates for anyone who cares

did i break my own boundaries?

so i came  clean to my sister about the fact that i had a feeling that she was judging me bc of my 'lack of twitter proposals' and ik she felt what i said was true bc she started looking down.

i pointed out the fact that she always said things like

"oh you wouldnt know bc you only get whatsapp rishtas'

?????????????

where is this written in the book of law of attraction where the quality of your proposals is not considered but only the quantity is judged??? and the fact that its only over the internet??

lol okay.

granted, w a q a s likes her and he earns $4k every week so boy's loaded. tbh idec who she ends up with at this point. i just want her out of this house so she stops committing so much haram and opening half-assed relationships and calling  them "halal" ??? okay sis

anyway i could feel how giddy she was getting today and speaking so positively about w so i knew she was still talking to him and then when i confronted her, she lied to me constantly. and then i told her this is why we dont take her seriously, especially our parents. they dont take her seriously and shes quite literally selling different guys different dreams.

and she knows what shes doing.

this is why i dont think shes 'innocent' shes lowkey dangerous and its bc she looks so cute and cuddly  and baby-faced that no  one believes shes tricking all these boys into relationships with her. but man I really hope Allah teaches her a lesson or forgives her for it bc the way shes going about things, its so typical uno?

like entertaining guys and then turning back around and acting like the victim?

its such toxic femininity. and also ive felt that she bases her entire twitter personality by how many guys she gets and her self-esteem is dependent on it. i dont even think she likes half the guys she says she likes... she just likes the attention and 'love confessions' she gets from them. and both parties are deluded. first of all, they cant love you without even knowing you. and second of all, guys are stupid and label anything that they cant sugarcoat properly 'love' so ye you dont have to do much for that to happen.

anyway how ik shes only using these guys for approval is bc shes uncertain about them ... and at the same time shes opening up new avenues to talk to different guys ON HER OWN. when she KNOWS that shes supposed to have a wali there.

and she doesnt even care about reputation? like we all know guys talk

and they talk alot of shit

so for her to act so naively and stupidly is just like wow. even after all those 'proposals' you dont know how to behave when you get attention from a guy. shes still such a child.

my point is, dont be a hypocrite? how are you saying 'oh i dont like Ali bc he talks to too many girls in the dms' and then entertaining guys and arguing with them about different things without any sort of commitment?

if someone is behaving inappropriately, where the f are your so-called 'boundaries'? just telling someone to 'stop messaging me' after you've given your time and energy for free and EXPECT them to respect that boundary is silly and childish, is not GONNA WORK. and that should be obvious like im so confused how she still doesnt get it.

anyway, idk she'll probably never grow up bc shes the type that has to 'experience it' herself for her to get it and even then she wont get it. Im just praying that she gets married to W and stops being such a harami im sick and tired of her drama. and its better bc hes kinda cute to her and he tells her random things that have nothing to do with her so hopefully hes serious.but idk if my sister is serious and thats what i have a problem with

how you getting so many proposals, thinking youre top shit and super desirable... and youre still single? are you marilyn monroe and nothing more?

anyway, defs there is power in attracting people, but you lose your power when you are unable to discern who is worth it and who isn't.

people who are liking you over the internet are probably just as hollow and shallow as you are and their 'love' is just as flaccid. i mean if my sister can say 'i wof you' to someone shes only known for three WEEKS then you know how capable she is of being 'fake' in her expression of feelings.

anyway, shes a narcissist, and we will probably never get along unless i agree with her and enable everything that she does. idrc tbh. bc she doesnt care about me and ive learnt that the hard way. that no matter how much you try, you cant make someone FEEL smth when they just dont give an f.

and you should be self-aware enough to know how to feel about a situation. i shouldnt have to tell you 'oh btw THIS is when you should have defended me' like wtf bro?

and all these things about her have never reconciled with me and she hasnt worked on them hard or long enough for a difference to occur, no matter how many times i tell her. i mean if our own mum is saying 'oh you were crying about chores bc you dont get paid for it' then you know what type of person youre dealing with.

anyway i said my piece to her, and im gonna follow shallon's advice and say it once and thats the last time i say it. im never gonna tell her my experiences with guys ever again and im not gonna bend and twist my life out for her approval which i will never get anyway. so its best to keep living my life according to islam. the only reason i told  her to stop is bc its gonna reflect badly on me and our family if she continues and it doesnt end up happening bc like i said, we all know how guys are.

the same conversation thats happening with you i being cc'd to everyone else in his friendship group/family. and W said hes gonna talk to his dad and honestly im gonna make sincere dua she gets out of this house. how can she say she doesnt even care about repairing our relo. f off g.

i dont need that shit from inside my family as well its so horrible i feel my literal heart quenching physically when i see her bc i just dont want her in my presence i want her out and never in my face. my head's gonna explode.

i have to tell her to 'care' about the podcast that shes a part of and 'claim me' as a sister. what type of frkn beg man i feel so frkn stupid but im aching like badly inside.

i just hope Allah makes it work out between her and W bc wallahi idk how to deal with her hasad. may Allah help her overcome her demons and leave me the f alone. bc wallahi ive never been this heartbroken.

imagine the person im supposed to trust with my life i cant even trust at all for anything. not even to promote a podcast SHES a part of. im so tired man. sometimes i just want to end it. and im just so sick of it. im just so tired and sick of frkn caring about someone who doesnt give a shit about me. i dont want to care. like at all and yet my stupid nature cant help but feel like i need to care for her

but why? when she constantly puts her frkn 4 week old friends over me... why? why do i care why should i care why cant i stop caring why is my heart still quenching why is my soul crying why are tears rolling down my eyes and onto this keyboard as i type why do i  have to feel like this why cant i just stop ya rabb pls help me