life updates for anyone who cares

finally got my iud!!!

writing this for 4 years, ive realised the tiniest updates make all the difference, bc relying on memory is just not accurate.

i stayed at my parents' for about a week, and helped my baba with my files for his college and it was just fun getting into it and doing smth with my time there. we talked about my husband and his failure to settle on smth, and how he mentioned smth about going back into the food business while he was on his holiday... and tbh that triggered me.

on top of that, my brother said smth to the effect of "if [my husband] cant follow advice, why is he giving advice to me?" when my husband caught smth on my brother's phone and that set me off and made me realise i havent been doing the best job as a partner to protect his rep, and so i started crying and telling my dad that i have no qualms about opening up about my life with them just if they can promise that it will happen in private, away from my siblings bc no matter what happens, money in or out, respect should always be there.

esp from my youngest siblings, who are so impressionable and look up to me and my husband, and my dad said he understood.

in other news, talking to my mum about my dad's past business decisions, i realised i was judging him really badly. if i was in his place, i wouldn't have done things any differently, apart from maybe doing istikharah and not being impulsive, i can understand why my dad did what he did. which is why i really wanna help him where i can with his college.

i can spend time on his college, especially admin work, which i somehow enjoy, bc it involves organisation and you can see immediately the fruit of your work, which keeps you motivated. 

idk theres smth about admin work and organising stuff that im just so super into. like making people's lives easier, wow, its just smth im made for.

anyways, back to the iud. it didnt hurt that much like the gyno said.she was freaked out about performing the procedure, she thought she was 20. i didnt know whether i was flattered or not, but anyway, i assured her im 22. she assessed my cervical lining and made me as uncomfortable as she could before she finally pierced thru my cervical lining. honestly when she was feeling my v@g, it was uncomfortable bc it was so dry and then she put this clip inside so she could see inside, which was not as weird.

but when she put the iud, i cant lie, it did more than a pinch but im glad i dont remember it anymore even tho it happened a few hours ago. but the cramping was baddddd like badd

i thought it was literally like contractions which is essentially what cramping is... but still it never feels like it. like every 20 mins or so, i would get intense pain on the site of the iud and honestly, it kinda does hurt during sex.. probably bc it takes a little getting used to.

in other news, i made chicken garlic and everyone loved it!!! alhamdulilah, honestly zayqaa (taste) is not in the spices, but its literally in the hands of whoever is cooking/making food. and i have so much more confidence now that i wanna make that gigi's pasta and schnitzel for tomorrow and im very excited. 

i got a very good response from everyone and honestly it was quite good, but the chicken was a bit pink. not salmonella-pink but still not super soft like i would've liked.

next plans are maybe for saag and afghani pulao. but anyway. what i really wanted to tell you is that my actual SIL, S, told me how annoying or lazy our other SIL, J, is. and i sort of kind of agreed. mostly i was pissed that when she invited us over she had pizza, and just junk over. like out of the whole year, she invited us twice and then this crap. and then S told me its bc she wanted us to give her gifts... which is why she was telling my MIL all that she needed to go to pakistan. when i tell you, i was disgusted. bc the way she "invited" us and fed us that crap was so gross. like i have no problem spending on my niece but seriously?!??! no shame

i didnt even know what to say. and its not like my BIL isnt any less annoying. like last week, it was his week to present and i had to do it bc he conveniently "forgot" and what made me acc annoyed is how much leeway mum gives her kids. like i understand im not her biological connection but that doesnt mean you literally give them leeway in front of everyone. thats so embarrassing. may Allah make me a good and disciplined mum that cares about good behaviour more than grades. i blame my MIL, shes the mother, she needs to use her leadership role properly instead of giving all the boys a leeway and expecting all the girls to pick up after everyone like wth this look like?!?!?!?!?