Chapter 194

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Levi's POV:

I'm alive.

And unsurprisingly, I wish I wasn't.

I don't feel the same though. If anything, I feel like there's more wrong with me now than before. But I guess that had to be expected with the amount of physical damage I had done to my body. I was unresponsive for the most part when it came to the doctors asking me questions or telling me simple things. The most they would get from me was either a simple head nod or a shake but no eye contact. I have to go through physical therapy due to not being mobile for 6 months. 6 months in a damn coma. I'm sure everyone's moved on with their lives which is good.

"Levi," a nurse spoke softly, "you have visitors."

"Who?" They were smart to send this nurse in. She's the only one I'll actually speak words with. She seems to be in her late 50's. She has tiny glasses with dark brown hair and has the sweetest voice you'll ever hear.

"Your sisters." But I guess they make an exception.

"Send them in." She nodded and walked away. Moments later, Hange and Mikasa walked in. I have a feeling all of us had pictured what this moment was going to be like but I don't think this was one of them. Mikasa immediately looked away from me and hid her face in her red scarf. That made me nervous. She hasn't worn Eren's scarf in years. Did Mikasa and Annie break up? Did Eren move on?

"How're you feeling?" Hange spoke up, sounding as serious as ever.

"Like shit."

"Well, that was expected. What's your plan now since yours seemingly didn't work out."

"I...I don't know. This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to make it. I thought it would've been impossible."

"Well, it fucking wasn't." Mikasa interjected with tears. "Eren found you."

He came?

"Eren?" Part of me was surprised but the majority wasn't. Of course he came.

"Why, Levi? Why did you do it?" She cried.

"Mikasa." Hange said her name with a commanding tone.

"Because." I mumbled, breaking eye contact and staring at the IV in my body.

"Because why, Levi?" Hange was much more calm compared to Mikasa.

"I miss mom." I said quietly.

"And that was your reason?!" Mikasa exclaimed. "We all fucking miss mom!"

"But you're not fucking insane like I am, Mikasa! You aren't me!" I shouted back, shocking all of us. But I immediately felt lightheaded and laid my back against the bed.

"You know they're going to send you to inpatient after this, right?"

"Yeah. Did I missed anything important?"

"Our suffering." Mikasa groaned under her breath.

"I got my memory back." Hange began. "Other than that, it's just all Eren being Eren." She shrugged.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"He told me he told you everything in hopes you'd hear him but I guess not." She sighed. "Can I?" She held her arms out slightly as I nodded. She gently wrapped her arms around me and hugged me. "I missed you a lot, Levi." She whispered in my ear, sounding like she was about to cry. "We all really missed you." I doubt it but I guess I'll have to take her word for it.

Mikasa walked over to me seeming much more calm. I nodded my head knowing what she wanted. When she went in for a hug, she wasn't nearly as gentle as Hange.

"Please don't leave me again." She silently sobbed. "I thought I lost you forever."

"Well, unfortunately I'm still here."

She pulled away. "Don't say that." She grit through her teeth. "You have no idea how fucking painful this has been for me, for Hange, for Eren. For everyone. Hange and I came to visit you as much as we possibly could. Hell, Eren, no matter what his schedule was, visited you every single day." Truthfully, knowing that was a little more shocking. I actually felt bad. "We're going to get you help, Levi. We're going to fix this whether you like it or not. We need you. I need you. I need my brother."

"You know," Hange began, "I begged Eren for my memory back because I wanted to know what our relationship was like. Levi, you meant the world to me then and you mean the world to me now." She took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. "You will always be my best friend. I will always be at your side and I will always have your back through thick and thin. Just like I did then. I can't lose the only person I've ever felt truly safe with. I need you too."

"Hange," I started but she was quick to interrupt.

"Levi," she walked in front of me and spoke quietly, "Levi, you're my best friend. I want to believe I've made a difference in this world. To this force. To you. Please, let me do this. I wanna go out with a bang, so please let me go."

I nodded sadly. But then I grabbed onto her cape. "Dedicate your heart."

She gasped with a huge smile. "That's the first time I heard you say that!"

The memory came into my head like a ton of bricks. Those were our last words before she had sacrificed herself. No one really knew how difficult that was for me because I kept my emotions hidden from everyone besides Hange. Losing her was one of the most painful things I had ever endured. She was my best friend. My hero. This made me realize how she must've felt. She probably thought she lost me forever.

"I'm sorry." My voice cracked as I looked back at them both. "I'm so sorry." They both rushed over to me as we held each other tightly.

"It's okay, Levi. We'll be okay." Mikasa's voice was still shaky as she rubbed my back.

"I need help." I hated to admit it but it was true. At this rate, I don't have a choice either it seems.

"And you're getting just that." Hange said, still holding onto me. "We're going to get through this. I promise. But you need to promise us that you'll try."

"I promise." I nodded. "I promise."

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