Chapter 149

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Levi's POV:

"Hange, can you please stop asking me?"

"Come on," she whined, "just this once." I haven't seen Mikasa or Hange in nearly a month. Even in this moment, Hange is on the opposite side of my closed door. I've come out of my room twice, both were going downstairs to load up on snacks and bring them back. Those snacks of course don't consist of anything unhealthy, it's mainly anything fruit based. But truthfully, I haven't eaten much at all. Me needing as much order possible in my life, I've weighed myself every day for 5 years. Someone like me having body issues shouldn't be surprising to anyone, I'm 5'3 for god's sake. I never wanted to be the super scrawny little guy, in fact I made sure I wasn't by going to the gym and boxing with Reiner and Eren. But going from 143lbs to 120lbs is quite a staggering difference. That's also part of why I don't want to see Hange and Mikasa to see me. I look disgusting. Not only has my weight fluctuated significantly, my sleep habits don't help my appearance either. I've learned I genuinely cannot sleep before 9am if Eren isn't here. No amount of melatonin in the world can help me, I take 2 10mg gummies, yes I'm still a child who likes the gummies, every night and it just doesn't work for me. It's almost as if my body won't let me sleep unless he's here. I've been tempted to call him because I'm so frustrated but I've found a slight solution. It's only been a few times, I've been trying not to make it a frequent habit. But the cutting seems to help. The blood loss makes me tired, so only if I'm desperate will I do that. I keep it on my thigh so no one could ever know and I'd like to keep it that way. It's my body and I'm going to have my way with it whether someone likes it or not.

"Please, Hange." I groaned, keeping my head under my blanket. I just had another excruciating crying session so the last thing I want to do is go to a fucking football game.

"Fine. But you know what? Just know that Mikasa and I really miss you. We're supposed to be in this together. Remember how you told me that mom asked you to protect us, Levi?"

"You're the best mom I could've ever asked for. I love you so much."

"Levi, baby, I'm not gonna make it."

"Don't say that. You're gonna make it, you'll be fine, I promise."

"You'll be okay, sweetheart. You're so strong."

"No, no, I won't be okay. Don't leave. You're not gonna die. The ambulance is on their way. You'll be fine. You're gonna make it."

"Take care of your sisters for me, okay? I love you so much, angel. Never forget that."

I couldn't bring myself to say anything. Just the thought of my mom was a sledgehammer to the chest. I tried not to think about her but every time I do, I just become an emotional mess.

I heard Hange groan and walk away.

"He won't budge," I heard her whisper to Mikasa outside my door.

"Alright, I've had enough of this." Mikasa said then moments later tried to open my door. Jokes on her, I've had it locked to make sure either of them can't break in. "Levi, open the damn door." She said sternly. "I will break it down in 5 seconds if you don't." She's bluffing. "Levi, I'm serious." She raised her voice, attempting to intimidate me. "That's it!" In 3 seconds, she kicked my door wide open. Maybe she wasn't bluffing. I stayed under the covers especially after hearing the light switch flick. She attempted to rip my covers off but I held onto them pretty tightly. Not only did I not want her to see the fresh tears because of the mention of my mom but also because I look sickly and I know it. But of course, with the amount of strength she has, which now outweighs mine, she finally ripped them off of me. She just sighed and sat on my bed; I felt her eyes burning into my body. I'm hideous, I know, no need to stare. "Levi." She sounded sad but also worried.

"Go away." I whispered, covering my head with a pillow.

"Please, just this once. I miss you."

"No, you don't."

"I do. I don't have anyone to be a total bitch to every day and you don't have someone you can belittle all the time. Perfect duo. Hange says we're like Azula and Zuko." I just scoffed in response although she's totally right. "Who do you think everyone would be?"

"There's no one like Hange. I couldn't even tell you."

"Anyone else?"

"Maybe Annie and Historia as Mai and Yue but other than that I got nothing. Or maybe Jean as Sokka because he's an idiot."

"Sasha as Suki?"

"Yeah, that one's not bad."

"These are all so inaccurate." Hange's voice came out of nowhere and then sat on the other end of my bed.

"God damn it." Mikasa was just distracting me.

"I'll take you to Disney if you go to the game." Mikasa persuaded.

"I hate Disney."

"You hate Disney because you hate it or because Eren loves it." Hange injected.

"Can you not?" The mention of Eren was enough to make me shoot up from my position. Both of them lightly gasped when they saw my face. "Fuck you guys, I'm an insomniac, not a ghost."

"If you don't go, I'll take your door down and keep it in my room. You know I'm not kidding." Mikasa was really fed up with my shit, I almost felt bad. I feel somewhat selfish now that I'm talking to them both. Maybe I did miss them.

"Fine." I muttered which resulted in their cheers.

This is going to suck.

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