Complications Throughout Generations

Chapter 188

Jean's POV:

"He doesn't remember?" Reiner groaned, laying on the ground in the basement.

"Nope," I shook my head, "and we're gonna keep it that way."

"No shit, you idiot. How could you possibly tell someone you're in love with them when their boyfriend is in the fucking hospital in a coma?"

"I said I was drunk, alright?"

"You weren't drunk enough to not know what you were doing. Let's be real, you knew exactly what you were doing."

"You're making it sound like I took advantage of him." I was getting frustrated. I would never in a million years take advantage of Eren, or anyone for that matter. "Yeah, alright, I knew what I was doing. I'll admit to that. But he started it. He pushed me on the bed. He kissed me! I knew where it was going. I could've stopped it sooner, I know. But at least I stopped it at all. You and I both know how badly I would've wanted to finish what we started."

Typically, I would tell Eren everything about everything. Everything except himself. I figured it was no mystery that I had feelings for Eren. I get it, I know it looks like I have feelings for everyone in everybody's eyes but it's not the case.

Marco. He was one of those moments you think you want something until you have it. I had lost him so early on in our journey back then and I thought about him every single day; dedicating every single second to him. But once I regained my memory, I realized it wasn't a romantic type of love. I believe we're platonic soulmates. I felt at peace knowing he was alive and well. That seemed to be all I ever wanted. But I've completely ruined that because I didn't know what I wanted. Maybe one day, I'll be able to fix our friendship and start again.

Then there's Mikasa. I've always loved her. She is the epitome of perfection in my eyes. I see a strong, gorgeous, independent woman who doesn't need saving. But there wasn't any sexual chemistry. I'm not sure why but there just wasn't. So she realized that she could find that in Annie instead. I'm happy for her. I still have hope but I'm not sure what good that'll do. I can't help but think of our past. We were married. We were happy. We had a family. A daughter. Her memory of that is just as good as mine so I just don't understand how she's able to move past that. I was nothing but good to her too. She made it seem like Eren was a distant memory and that she realized I was the one she truly loved. Well that quickly proved me wrong.

The situation with Armin isn't as tricky as it may seem. Or maybe it is. I'm not sure. Yes, I love sex. So does Armin. It was originally a no strings attached sort of thing. I tend to keep my romantic relationships and my sexual relationships separate in order to avoid a situation just like this. The other issue is that we were already friends. So if we would go out and do 'friend things', he mistook my intentions. I never meant to hurt him. I really do care about Armin. We're still pretty distant but civil. I hate it.

And Eren. Eren Jaeger is like a character out of a movie. Hot, funny, smart, athletic, caring, strong, sensitive, and extroverted. Not to mention, one of the best hook ups I've ever had; which may also be a factor in all this but I'm young so I let it slide. He's just always been there for me and I've always been there for him. All I wish I could do is protect him. I keep this between myself and Reiner, but I don't like Levi. Eren loves him with every fiber of his being but it's a lot more complicated from an outside perspective. Eren was at my house so Levi tried to kill himself? That was the breaking point? I mean we don't necessarily know for sure but it sure looks that way. What it looks like is emotional abuse. That's so much to put on someone. Levi has dragged Eren through the mud and then the next second will throw him up in the sky with the stars. Eren needs someone he can love, not babysit.

When will it be my turn to be loved by someone I love too?