A spring without you is coming...

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Since I came to terms with what my life would become, I dared to never look at it another way. Never reminiscing or to change; a still motion perpetuated by me and me alone. It is quite selfish of me to not let myself declare onto others.

Rather... I never felt the need to, it was just damaging to even think about it. I never felt the need to imagine or to procure, I never felt the need to see and delude myself...

I won't love, it is as simple as that, I won't let them see what I held as frankly; I too forgot what I held. Only things that I look for can replace the void, the seeming emptiness of my entire being replaced by who then?

It can't be because I found the prefect one, rather I found the imperfect one to complement my perfect self; her beauty masking my ugliness, my inhumanity...

So where is she whenever I search for her? She isn't anywhere to be seen or to be touched. She just left and I will never be able to see her again; I will never be able to see her there as well. Her soul was beautiful, mine wasn't; I just belong to the hell that was created for me, like lucifer I fell and granted myself no salvation.

Only salvation for her, I saved her... I saved her...

She couldn't save me, yet I couldn't save her-

Perhaps am I thinking of this the wrong way and I am looking at it with no good intent in my mind?

I looked at her figure with pure intent, contrasting my inner turmoil; shadowing her being with nothing but peace... at least that's what I'd like it to be.

I held the letter in my right hand, the recorder on my left hand.

A spring has come, one that I won't be able to live with you...

A smile cracked my stony expression, she is over my shoulder now; hugging my neck as she softly smiled whilst watching me read the letter.

Tears slowly started flooding my eyes as I turned my head to glance at the man across me. His face an ever lasting peace as he watched our figures with a sad smile on his ever handsome face.

"I miss her too you know." He slowly mouthed those words as he intertwined his hands, his eyes glossy as he stared between the letter and myself.

"We all do haha..." I replied with a small chuckle at the end, my smile which I gained through the time I spent with her never left my face.

[I love you so much, I love you so much, I just love you...

Exactly as you are, to me you are just precious, I would never lose you...]

I couldn't understand anything about her love for me, I couldn't understand the reasoning behind why she was infatuated with me; I simply knew that she just was...

"Why have you stopped reading?" The man across me questioned my sudden stoppage, he slowly got up and as I watched him; he sat down beside me and continued reading the letter for me.

[This feeling of never wanting to let you go will always remain within me, even if you can't see it...

I am sorry that you had to lose me, I am so sorry for never letting you know everything. I am sorry for being so stupid, so stubborn, so mean.

I am so sorry that I never let you love me fully...

I am sorry for not being honest, that will always remain as my biggest regret... please don't be disheartened, I am always by your side.

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