Defining Strength

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After dinner Valora and Bak took Carson to a room, refusing to go back to the infirmary, Eric went to his shared room still disgruntled about Carson's jibs, and Stella and I roamed about the common chamber. The large twenty story room we had first entered when coming here.

We looked around not standing too close but not standing far apart ether. She was scared and so was I, I didn't know where to set up boarders and how many to let down around her.

We walked side by side around the people gathered in groups here and their talking and laughing. A smile ghosted my face as I looked around seeing all the happy family's and cheery faces of friends talking.

The slight smile faded as I thought about why Carson and a notorious brutal assassin would willingly show up on their enemy's doorstep. 'She told them we were here. Their coming for us and they will stop at nothing until we're gone. Until every last one of us is dead. We have new families and refugees coming in every day. I've made my link and now it's broadcasting and now Carson is here as well linking up and sending her own call. She's to fragile to lead now and I'm not a leader. I can't fight, I can't command, I'm not some great king I'm a seventeen year old geek whose best friend is a psychotic cat.'

"Hello, Earth to DeLacy. Come in DeLacy." I hear from beside me breaking me from my thoughts.

Looking over I see Stella with a worried look across her features. "What?" I ask controlling my facile expression.

"Whach' ya think'in about so hard?" She ask her accent coming out a little thicker running her words together. I always found it funny how East Texans can simultaneously talk really, really slow and still manage to slur all our words together.

I don't give an answer just look forward and glance around at all the smiling faces. "You're a good leader DeLacy. You'll get them through." She tells me.

Letting out a sigh through my nose I close my eyes for a long moment before answering, "But what if I can't?" My voice low so no one will hear me.

"You can." Her voice is strong with affirmation.

"But what if I can't?" I say stoping, turning to her I lock my deep ocean blue eyes on her bright sky blues, "What if the Nadef have found us and are on their way to kill us? What if their here right now and we go to war tomorrow? What if they look to me and I choke? What if I lead them and they all die because they trusted me? Because it is encoded in our DNA for them to trust me." I ask, my barriers cracking.

Meeting my eyes head on she sets her jaw, "If's get you no where but an asylum. Stop asking so many questions you don't know to yourself and start asking others. You aren't alone so stop hiding in your own mind and let us help you." She tells me her voice strong as steel, "You are their leader because no one else can be. It's coded in their DNA to trust you because it's coded in yours to lead. You are many things shy, nerdy, sarcastic, a pain in the ass, and many, many other things, but one thing you are not. Is a cowered. You are one of the strongest people I know and scariest. And I've met your sister." She says.

I let out a disbelieving huff, "I'm not strong." I say in a sure tone, "I spent seventeen years hiding from everyone. I went to school every day and I got thrown into lockers, triped, hit, kicked, and so many other things. And what did I do?" My voice was rising a little, "I did nothing. I just got up and walked away like nothing happened. I never opened my mouth because I couldn't. I hid from everyone because I knew I couldn't show who I really was, what I really am." My voice rang loud in the silent room.

"That's what makes you strong." She says her voice firm and strong carried with her own power given through blood, "Never saying a word takes strength. Going on despite everything in your way is strength. Staying silent while others scream is strength. Keeping everything in and never letting it show is strength." Her voice was loud echoing in the large room.

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