ROADTRIP || ships and shit (oneshots)

RANDY || My little Fovler *warning*

|| My little Fovler || AU

WARNING: reference to uncomfortable subjects.

I have been trying to write this for four days.

this is kind of based on my life.

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"I wont do it, I promise. But I will have urges so there are gonna be things that will surprise you."

Rye -

I never really understood what he meant by that until the second time I saw him at his worse. It had only been three years since it happened, but I never really caught him doing anything until I knocked on his bedroom door and walked in without a welcome. I saw him sitting cross legged in the middle of his neatly made bed. His sleeves of his hoodie were rolled up to his elbows and he had streaks of tears down his rosy cheeks. His arms were lightly placed palm up against his knees, but that wasnt the surprising thing, as weird as it sounds. The most upsetting thing was that, there was a small silver blade placed right in front of him, on the bed.

Andy wasnt suicidal, he pretty much adored life, he could not wait until he grew old with the ones he loved and create a family but he had these moments of horrible thoughts and terrible emotions that his arms had been itching to be touched by the sharp object, but he never did. He didnt want to damage the one thing that was holding everything together, physically and metaphorically. He did this sometimes when he had those terrible thoughts. He would sit on his bed (or anywhere he could find) and be ready to do it but he never had the courage to do so. And he never will.

I stare at the broken boy sitting on the bed, he hadn't looked up yet, but I think he sensed that I was here. I didnt know what to do so I quietly sat on his reading corner and waited until he did something. I looked down at his arms but there were no streaks, no old ones nor new ones. So, I'm only guessing this is what he meant by urges that may surprise me. I wait watching him stare at the cold metal, one single tear had fell down his cheek and I so wanted to wipe it away but I knew if I did anything he would push me away. He's done it before. So, I let him do what he needed to do.

"Rye?" It was a whisper but I heard it, "Take it away." Another whisper. I slowly lift myself off the wooden seat and move towards him, he keeps his stare in front of him as I lightly pick up the small metal piece and place it on the bedside table. I carefully sit down in front of him watching as he keeps his stare onto the bed. He slowly slides down his sleeves and looks up to me, all I see is fear and a broken soul. I cautiously move closer to him and wrap my arms around his shoulders, he takes a moment before I feel his arms around my waist and his face cuddling up to my neck, and I felt the wetness of his cheeks get more tears.

There was no need for words as we held each other. I just let him cry on my shoulder, I sigh and rest my own head on his shoulder. I feel him move so I lean back to take a look at his face, still keeping contact to him to show him I'm here for him. "I dont know how this happened." He mumbled. I rubbed his shoulder, soothing him, "It's ok, Im here if you need me." He bit his bottom lip as he nods his head slowly. "Andy, can I ask you something?" His eyes glisten but he nodded anyway, "Was this what you meant all those years ago?"

He sighs, "Yeah, whenever I had trouble with my thoughts going out of control or I felt my arms itch for no reason - needing some kind of infliction. I had tried to make myself break down and let everything out as I stare at the blade. You know me Rye I love Life and where I am, but I get these thoughts and I cant stop them." I nod trying to take in the information.

"Why didnt you come to me?"

"I needed to do it alone, I was much more comfortable just letting everything out alone in my room, then when I was ready I would come to you if I needed to." I wrap him up again in a hug and speak into his shoulder, "It pains me to think that your doing this alone."