Above: Rocky and the gang posing with Chadwick Boseman 🙏🏽
Enjoy! 😘
Harlem, New York
Ever since Drake dropped that he wants us to have kids, we haven't really spoken to each other much. He's currently on tour so he's been busy with that and I've been doing my own ventures. He said think about it and that's what I've been doing, but the thought of having kids in this stage of my career I'm uncertain about. I know he didn't say anything about having them right now, but it's still a lot to consider. If I'm being honest with myself I would I love to have kids, but when I'm ready and when I know we will have time for them.
However, the conversation we had has me thinking about telling the Mob what's really going on. I've kept this a secret for a while now and only Ant has truly suspected something, but the rest of the guys shut that shit down. They probably think that I would never turn out to be gay and that's fine, but at the same time I hope they will actually support me like they said they would back at Yams' funeral.
I'm currently at my crib working on some ideas I got for an album. It's been months since Drake and I had that conversation and I think I am ready to tell the Mob, but I do want to run it by Ferg first before I announce it to the whole group. I called him over to my place earlier so we could talk. He's still doing some promotion for his album that he just recently dropped called Always Strive and Prosper so he told me it was going to be around this time before he came over, which was fine by me.
As I'm still tending to my own project, I hear a knock on my door. Knowing that's him, I get up from the couch and open the door only to see to my surprise, Drake.
"Hey, baby," he says with a smile on his face as he leans in to kiss me.
"Oh, hey, babe." I'm not mad at all that he's here. I just didn't expect him to pop up on me like this even though this isn't the first time.
"You alright? You sound disappointed."
I get over the shock before I respond. "Yeah, I'm good. I'm just surprised you're here. Come in." I back up to let him come completely into the place. He kicks the door closed with his foot as he pulls from behind his back a bouquet of roses. Damn, now I'm really wondering what the hell is going on with him.
"I got these for you," he says.
"Thank you," I respond taking them out of his hand to go put them in some water. "So what brings you to my place?" I ask him as I take my seat next to him back on the couch.
"Well you know I'm on tour right now, but I'm in town for a few nights so I figured I come by and see you. And I wanted to invite you out to my last show before I leave."
"Okay when?"
"This Monday."
I think about if I have anything going on that day, which I don't before giving him an answer. "Alright, I'll be there. You sure no one's gonna suspect anything?"
He chuckles, "Hell nah. If anything you're just another one of my friends."
As we're still talking I hear a knock on the door letting me know for sure this time that's Ferg.
"You expecting somebody?" Drake asks me.
"Yep, no one to be jealous of though, babe," I answer giving him a kiss on the cheek before I get up to answer the door. There stands Ferg like I expected as we both greet each other.
"Wassup, Rocky?" he says to me and I do the same as we give each other a bro hug.
"Nothin', man. Come in." I let him in the crib and I know by the look on his face that he's surprised to see Drake here.
"Aw hey, Drizzy. What's going on?" Drake gets up from the couch to give him dap and a bro hug too.
"Not too much. I just came to invite Rocky out to my last show in town. You wanna come?"
Ferg shakes his head. "Nah, I'm good. Besides it seems like a more of a couples thing."
Drake looks over at me wondering what the hell is going on. I'm sure he's trying to see if he heard Ferg correctly.
"Don't worry, he knows," I tell Drake before he starts denying everything. "He's cool though, I swear."
"Yeah, I'm cool with what you two got goin' on," agrees Ferg. "But from what I've been told things started out crazy as hell, but y'all eventually worked it out."
Drake laughs to himself. "Yeah, they did. But it was mostly on me. Now, I'm doing my best to treat him right." He pulls me closer to him to give me a quick kiss on the lips.
"How cute," Ferg coos. "But aye, you better treat my nigga right for real now. I don't need him coming to me crying about you."
"And he won't, unless it's for something special," he responds.
Both Ferg and I have that curious look on our faces. "Something special like what?" Ferg questions taking the words right out of my mouth.
"You'll see," he simply answers. "It's best that I get going though. I'll catch you both later. Love you, babe." I respond the same and kiss him one more time before I show him out after he says bye to Ferg.
"You know what he means by something special?" he asks as I take my seat.
"Nope. Hopefully it is something good though."
"Straight up. Now what was it you needed to talk to me about?" I explain to Ferg everything from me being able to have kids to recently been thinking about telling the Mob the truth about me and Drake. When I finish, he has that look on his face that I dropped a lot on him, which I know I did. And I don't mind giving him time to process everything.
It doesn't take long as he lets out a long sigh. "So let me get this straight. You can have kids naturally like a woman, you told Drake, now you two are discussing having kids. But before you do, you want to tell the Mob everything in case y'all end up having a kid? And I mean everything?"
I nod my head. "Yep, you got it."
He shakes his head laughing to himself making me worry a little bit. "Damn, Rocky. You've just be dropping all the bombs on me. Next thing I know you're gonna tell me you got some kind of super powers or some shit."
Now that I had to laugh at for myself. "Hell, I wish. But you know I tell you this shit because I trust you."
"Yeah, I know," he replies. "And I'm glad you do."
"So what do you think?" I question.
"To be honest," he starts. "I think you should do whatever you think is best for you and your future kid. If you're really serious about this I say do it. You already know we don't care what you or anybody else like. For sure a lot of them may be shocked about you carrying kids, but they'll get over it. We meant what we said back at Yams' funeral when Ant got on you. And speaking of Ant, he might be the only one you need to worry about."
I kiss my teeth. "Aw shit, I ain't really worried about him, but the rest hell yeah. But if y'all say y'all really got my back like that then I'm ready."
"Speak your truth then. But lemme ask, did Yams know about any of this?"
"He knew about Drake, but not about me having kids."
"Well I'm sure if he was still here he wouldn't care either way. And I'm sure he wouldn't want his niggas acting like a bunch of homophobic bitches when we know that's not what we stand for. We love you, Rocky. And we gon' have your back. I know I am." Hearing Ferg say all of this, I feel a lot better about coming out to the guys. If they been supporting me for this long, I don't see why my sexuality or anatomy would change that. I'm still gonna be the same ass nigga they been knowing.
"And when you do come out to them, if I gotta kick somebody's ass you know I will."
"Nah," I say chuckling. "hopefully there'll be no need for that. But thanks, Ferg."
"Ain't no problem, Rocky," he says before giving me a bro hug. "Now tell me," he starts when we pull apart. "Were you and Drake fucking before I came over?"
I playfully push him away from me. "Hell nah. And I knew you'd be coming soon?"
He shrugs his shoulders. "Y'all could've had a quickie."
"Shut the fuck up," I tell him as we laugh.
~~~~~~~
It's been almost two weeks since I had that conversation with Ferg, but now I'm seriously ready to tell the guys. I've worked up so much courage and I'm finally ready to let them know.
Nearly everyone just so happens to be down here at Worldwide, which is good for me. As usual most of them are working on music while the others are doing business things. Most of the guys are out here in the main room and a few are in the studio. I look over at Ferg who catches my drift as he nods his heads knowing it's time.
"Hey y'all, Rocky got something he needs to say!" he announces. Everyone in the room stops what they're doing to look over at me.
"Is everything alright?" Lou asks.
"Yeah," I tell him. "But it is important though."
Now everyone has their undivided attention on me while Nast volunteers to get the guys who are in the studio. I go to the front of the room as Nast and the rest come back to take their seats.
"So what's going on?" Illz questions.
I take a deep breath ready to get this shit on over with. "For about four years now I been keeping a lot of shit from y'all. I only did it because I didn't know how y'all would take it. I know you all are some cool ass niggas though, and what I'm about to say may shock y'all. But no matter how y'all react I still will have love for the Mob and Worldwide."
"I don't mean to interrupt, Rocky, but you're scaring me," says Ty.
"Yeah, just say it. It can't be that bad," speaks Bari.
I let out a sigh before finally saying, "Y'all, I like niggas." I look around the room and most of the guys seem to have a puzzled look on their face.
"Okay. Do you mean as friends or...?" Nast trails off.
"More than friends. Just to say it I'm gay." The room is silent and it feels like an eternal silence has came over us. I don't know if it's showing but I'm more nervous as hell now than before.
It takes a moment before someone finally says something and that so happens to be Bari again.
"Is that all?" he asks. "You really brought us all out here to tell us that you're gay?"
Confusion is now present on my face, but I'm ready to fight just in case. "Yeah. You got a problem?"
"Yeah, I got a problem. The fact that you probably forgot when we said we don't care what you like. Now don't get me wrong, I admire you for coming out to us because that takes some serious balls, but I just can't believe you were so scared to tell us."
"I can," Twelvvy comments. "Shit's nerve-wracking for real. I ain't gay or nothing, but we hear stories all the time about coming out to family or something and getting kicked out for it or something worse. I get why Rocky took this long to tell us. Yeah we said we didn't care, but it's still up to him on when he wants to come out."
"That's true, but Rocky," Lou starts. "I'm proud of you for coming out to us. I don't care what you are, man. You're still the same boss and homie that I been knew. You being gay ain't gonna change that."
"For real," says Nast and Illz and Ty nod their heads. I see some start looking over at Ant. Soon everyone in the room starts to look at him including me. He finally notices as he turns his head to see all eyes are on him.
"The fuck y'all looking at me for?" he questions. "I ain't got a problem with it."
"After what you said and did at the funeral, I'm sure we're all a bit suspicious about you," Ferg mentions.
Ant kisses his teeth and rolls his eyes. "I told him I was sorry."
"So? You can say sorry and not mean shit," Bari responds.
"Look Ant, to be honest you were a small part of the reason as to why I didn't want to come out just yet," I tell him. "But here I am now. If you don't like it that's fine, but you ain't finna disrespect me for being who I am."
He still has everyone's attention while looking like a deer in headlights. He probably wants to say some slick shit, but knows just about all of us here in a second will be ready to beat his ass.
After what feels like a long while he finally responds. "Rocky, I'm really sorry for how I acted towards you at Yams funeral and I hope you forgive me if you haven't already. Even though it's confirmed now, I still shouldn't assumed shit. And I know now for sure calling you a faggot was way outta line. I know I got a lot I need to educate myself on and some things to undo within myself."
As Ant said, he's apologized before. But hearing it again is self-reassuring to me. I understand that he still may not mean it and is only saying this so his ass won't get jumped. But as long as he doesn't step to me sideways then we can get along just fine.
"Ant, I accept your apology, man, just like the first one. And I forgive you too." Ant gets up from his seat with a small smirk on his face before walking over to me to give me dap and a hug.
"So, with that being said," Illz starts. "is there anything else you would like to say like who you're dating?"
I chuckle as I think about Drake. "Nah. I'll tell you that I'm with someone, but I'm not saying who unless they say I can tell y'all." I'm sure besides Ferg, Ant already knows who it is. But as long as he keeps his mouth shut then we won't have any problems.
"Fine by me," says Illz. "I get it. You two aren't ready to be outed completely yet so I understand."
"So Rocky lemme ask this," Lou starts.
"Shoot," I respond.
"You're not pregnant are you?" he asks and the whole room except for Ferg get to laughing. I do a little bit myself, but out of nervousness. I guess that's my cue to tell them. I look over at Ferg who shrugs his shoulders and I do the same saying I might as well come out with that too.
When the whole room quiets down, it's dead silent as I stare at them with a serious expression on my face. It takes a second but Lou figures it out first.
"Wait, I was asking that as a joke. Are you...really, Rocky?" Lou questions sounding surprised.
"I'm not, but I could be though," I reply.
"What do you mean could be? Either you are or you aren't and if so how?" Bari asks.
"I mean I'm not carrying no baby right now, but I can naturally," I say the last part quietly but to where they can still hear. I've mostly came to terms with it and I do trust my guys now enough to let them know. "And before y'all look at me even more crazy, I know it's not ideal, but it's true. I got a rare condition that allows for this happen. How a woman can have a kid it's the same way, but on me instead. It's some wild shit I know, but I can't help it. I know y'all accepted me for being gay, but if this really makes y'all look at me different then-"
"Rocky," Illz calls cutting me off. "How many times do we have to tell you it's okay?"
"Uh, now I will say I wasn't expecting that one period," speaks Twelvvy. "Shit, I really wasn't expecting any of this. But I agree with Illz, it's okay. And we gon' still love you no matter what's going on. You're our brother at the end of the day. Ain't shit gon' change that." I look around at everyone else nodding their heads agreeing with what Twelvvy had to say.
I didn't notice but tears start welling up eventually falling. I wipe them away as quick as I can but they keep on coming. I guess I can't hide my emotions anymore as I'm now full on crying. I cover my face with my hands as the tears keep on flowing. It's silent in the room with the exception of me crying until suddenly I feel arms around me. I don't know whose they are but I don't move my hands to see. Soon I feel another pair of arms and then I think a group hug ends up happening.
I finally remove my hands to see my guys surrounding me. It feels so good to have the support from people I consider family. Others aren't so blessed and I'm glad that I am.
"I know you still may not believe us, and that's okay, but we got your back," says Illz. "You like who you like and that's fine by us. You can have kids like that that's fine too. Just know that we still love you, man. We're gonna be here for you, whoever you're seeing, and my niece or nephew." I can't help but to chuckle at that last one.
"I thank y'all, man," I say to everyone before they separate and go sit back down. "I really do believe y'all have my back. I guess I was just expecting a different reaction from what I got. But I do love y'all and thank you again for supporting me."
After a few more minutes of discussion, everyone goes back to what they were doing before with some guys coming to say their peace to me personally.
It feels so good to finally tell the guys everything I've been hiding. And it surely feels great to know that they're sticking by me. I thank Ferg for encouraging to have this conversation with the Mob. It did start with Drake, but Ferg officially set this into motion. Without him, I would probably still be keeping everything a big ass secret.
Now since I've told everyone who I wanted to tell, even though I might tell Ri and Nicki, hopefully Drake is doing his part in telling his family.
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Hey y'all! After 10,000 years I have finally published chapter 58 of Hip Hop Affairs! If you like this chapter you know what to do if not then
I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter as I'm sure this is the last one of 2020. Speaking of 2020 I know this year has been a mess and not a hot one. But hopefully and with prayer that 2021 ends up being a better year for all of us than this one. I know we'll still be dealing with this pandemic, but I think we can make the best of it by the grace of God.
I have nothing to talk about except let me know what you all think of this recent chapter. I've had it in the drafts for a couple of months and it's finally out now. Oh and about the super powers part, I had it written down before that thing on Twitter happened. But I'll tell y'all I felt something in my wrists that day and I thought I was about to get some Scarlet Witch-Dr. Strange type powers or something 😂😂
Anyway it is 2:01 am where I am. And as I always say:
Vote, comment, spread this around, All I really want is to be happy and to find a love that's mine it will be so sweet, and