Warning: This is an AU fan fiction. First person perspective. Appearances of mob characters may occur occasionally.
A sequel to "A Little Bit Of You, A Little Bit Of Me".
Unhealthy contents. Filled with only the bad stuffs. An R-18 series.
Please proceed with caution.
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Never had I seen Soraru-san like that before.
Weak, helpless, incapable, scared, broken.
Those weren't words used to describe who and what Soraru-san was. But after the incident tonight, even though he didn't show it in front of the others, he was feeling those emotions that he shouldn't have, those emotions that I had forced him to feel because of my foolishness.
Because of that, there were a lot of things that had come into mind after tonight, after what he and I had done in the bath area.
As his partner and lover, I was happy to know how much he felt for me, how important my existence was to him. The fact that he couldn't live without me, once again, made me feel that I wasn't the only one who was constantly falling in love with him over, and over again all these years; that I was being cherished by someone like I had always hoped; that I was special.
But it was also exactly because he was as important to me that I was wrong for making him feel that way.
I was now nothing but a thorn by his side. A weakness that other bad men could use against him, to cause him possible harm. Even though I was often not included in the work Soraru-san does, I knew how bad this could influence him and the clan; anyone would in this situation, to be honest.
Kashitarou-san said this all the time, that anyone who sees me and Soraru-san together would know that Soraru-san had found someone important to him, but he never continued from there and would always have this troubled smile on. I always thought he was just troubled by the fact that Soraru-san sometimes does embarrassing things in the public area at home, but I now knew perfectly well that that wasn't the case.
The way Soraru-san trembled as he held me in his arms broke my heart, and at the same time, showered me with love and happiness at the reminder of being treasured. I buried my face into his chest and cried.
They weren't tears of happiness but of guilt.
He cradled me in his arms, and kissed me on the top of my head again and again but it didn't help make me feel any better, only building the guilt inside of me. I tightened my arms around him back then and sobbed, pressing my voice down, not daring to make another sound after that. He hugged me back with equal desperation, not knowing what he could do to comfort me.
So he waited, and waited until I stopped crying.
We didn't say a thing to each other after that. Once I had calmed down, Soraru-san moved away from me reluctantly before he walked over to the door to open it, and Kashitarou-san and Nqrse-kun were already there to receive orders from him. He said something to the both of them, and then came back to me.
"Can you walk?" Soraru-san asked. His voice was so soft and gentle, I could feel tears stinging my eyes again.
I shook my head at him to answer his question.
"I'll carry you back to your room then," he said, ready to scoop me back into his arms.
I jerked back on reflex, not wanting him to touch me. He was stunned by my reaction, and I didn't dare look at his face at first, but I did and I regretted it deeply when I saw the pain in his eyes, not expecting me to reject him. I couldn't hold his gaze with mine at all. I quickly turned my head away and tried to get off the counter to stand on my own feet. I could see at the corner of my eyes that Soraru-san wanted to help, but he didn't dare get too close.
The weight of the guilt in me was getting heavier and heavier by each second.
"Nqrse," Soraru-san called out, and Nqrse-kun immediately walked into the changing room to stand beside Soraru-san. Soraru-san swallowed a lump in his throat before he turned on his heels and walked away from me. "Help Mafumafu back to his room,"
"Eh? But aniki-" Nqrse-kun looked confused, not sure of the situation. "I'm pretty sure Mafu-kun needs you now more than ever-"
"He doesn't," Soraru-san cut Nqrse-kun off with a cold tone, making me flinch when I could hear how upset he was. He didn't turn back to look at me, and walked over to Kashitarou-san instead who was waiting outside.
Nqrse-kun scratched the back of his head before he let out a heavy sigh. He glanced at me for a second and let out another.
"... What happened, Mafu-kun?" Nqrse-kun asked as he moved in to drape my arm over his shoulders, and placed his other hand on my waist to help carry the weight of my body for me.
I bit onto my lower lip, unsure of what to say.
"Did you guys fight again?" Nqrse-kun continued asking despite not getting any answers out of me for his previous question.
I shook my head weakly, as we carefully took one step after another, following Soraru-san and Kashitarou-san from behind. Kashitarou-san would look behind him occasionally, to check up on how both me and Nqrse-kun were doing, but Soraru-san only had his back to us.
I stared longingly at his broad back, and then bit down on my lower lip harder out of guilt, disappointment and frustration, mostly at myself.
"... Whatever it is, the both of you should make up with each other soon," Nqrse-kun said quietly. I knew he was right about that since this really wasn't the time to be getting upset at each other. "But if you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears,"
The frown on my forehead furrowed deeper as I thought about the things I was worried about. I didn't know if I should talk about it to someone because it'd only be trouble to the other person, but I didn't think I had a choice.
"Nqrse-kun," I started. He remained quiet and waited for me to continue, which I very much appreciated as I ran through my mind for the right words. "Do you think that I'm a burden to the clan?"
"Why would you say so?" Instead of answering my question, Nqrse-kun returned another question to me as his response.
"Well, I had only been doing chores ever since I came in and did nothing beneficial to our clan at all," I said.
"So you got into a fight with Soraru-san because of that?"
"It's not like we got into a fight or anything of the sort..." I explained but to be honest, I didn't know what I should call the situation that we were in.
Nqrse-kun didn't say anything for a while after that but concentrated on helping me walk back to my room. There were attendants and courtesans walking past us some times, and a lot of them would be staring at us as we walked down the hallway.
"I don't think you're a burden," Nqrse-kun suddenly spoke up.
I turned my head to look at him with surprise, not expecting him to continue the subject that we were on a while ago.
"Sure, Mafu-kun might not be involved in the work that we do outside of the house, but that was mainly because they required some dirty methods some times, so we gave you another important task instead," Nqrse-kun continued without looking at me. He looked down at our feet instead. "If you weren't helping out at the house, we wouldn't have a place to stay. I don't mean it literally, but don't you think that a place to stay would mean a place where we all could come back to?"
I stared at him, speechless. But I couldn't help agreeing with his last statement.
"You helped make that happen, Mafu-kun. So don't go saying that you're a burden to our clan because you're not. Just because you're not helping us with the work outside, you shouldn't think that you're a burden to aniki," Nqrse-kun said solemnly, exposing my real thoughts about the topic we were on. "It's just aniki's way of protecting you, Mafu-kun,"
"... I didn't say anything about him, did I?"
"You've never said any of this until tonight, so I assumed you were referring to Soraru-aniki instead of the clan," Nqrse-kun scoffed, going back to his playful self. "If you weren't here, aniki would be-"
"... That's the problem, Nqrse-kun," I broke him off of his sentence. "What if someone used me against him...? What if Soraru-san gets hurt?"
"You should give us some credit, Mafu-kun,"
"Kashitarou-san?! Wh-What are you-" I stammered, nearly falling behind me when Kashitarou-san shocked me with his presence in front of me but Nqrse-kun caught me before I could.
"You guys were walking so slowly, 'Kanata-san' told me to come check up on you to see if you were okay," Kashitarou-san pointed behind him with his thumb and let a wry grin spread across his face.
"Did you hear-"
"I did," Kashitarou-san lifted his mask up a little and held my gaze with his. His gaze was ice-cold as his eyes shone under the dim light in the hallway. "If someone were to go against Soraru-san, we'll be there for him,"
"It's not something you should worry about, Mafu-kun," Nqrse-kun said.
"But-!"
"Now, now, Nqrse-kun, it's only understandable that Mafu-kun would be worried," Kashitarou-san laughed before he let go off his mask and smiled gently at me. "I know you like Soraru-san a lot, but you've got to learn how to worry for yourself too, otherwise that person's going to have a hard time on himself,"
"If someone plans something against aniki, that would mean that you can be in danger too, Mafu-kun," Nqrse-kun reasoned with an explanation on Kashitarou-san's sentence.
"But that's not the point!" I argued. Even if I was in danger, it didn't really matter to me. My head was full of Soraru-san, that I hadn't the space for anything else. If something were to happen to Soraru-san because of me, I didn't think I could live with that guilt inside.
The both of them only looked at me, urging me to continue, to make my point.
"Soraru-san is the head of the clan, the most important person in the whole house," I said, not liking how desperate I sounded because it just shows how less of a composure that I have in me. "If anything happened to Soraru-san, the clan... The Ichinose family will lose their reliable, respectable and kind leader...!"
Kashitarou-san smiled. He was sad after hearing what I had to say. His eyebrows drooped to a certain degree and shook his head at me before he broke into chuckling. I stared at him with disbelief, not knowing where I went wrong with my sentences that made him laugh all of a sudden.
"You're just as important to aniki, just like how aniki is important to us," Nqrse-kun said.
"And if Soraru-san thinks that it was worth risking his life for you, we will risk our lives for your sake too, Mafu-kun," Kashitarou-san said, still smiling.
"So don't even begin about leaving aniki, Mafu-kun," Nqrse-kun turned his head to look at me properly with narrowed eyes. "Because he'll definitely bring you back himself, no matter what,"
I did think about leaving because that sounded like the perfect way to keep Soraru-san away from harm, but it was just something I thought for the last occasion. Just how does Nqrse-kun see through my thoughts so easily lately? I hadn't even mentioned anything regarding that matter, and yet he brought it up first, in case I already made a decision.
"Give it up, Mafu-kun. This is why we let Nqrse-kun do the interrogating for some works that required us to go out for days," Kashitarou-san explained. Did I show my confusion on my face? Was it really obvious that even Kashitarou-san was able to know what I had in mind?
"But Kashitarou-san, you said I was just playing mind games with them," Nqrse-kun narrowed his eyes at him and said with a playful tone in his voice.
"Aren't they simply mind games?" Kashitarou-san tilted his head to the side and crossed his arms above his chest.
"Let's just say that I'm good at reading minds, how about that?" Nqrse-kun grinned boyishly. "That sounds cooler, doesn't it?"
"He guesses most of the time," Kashitarou-san whispered loudly to me on purpose.
"I can hear that, you know?!" Nqrse-kun rolled his eyes at him before he tried to help me take another step forward, telling Kashitarou-san to move away so that we could go to Soraru-san.
They argued and argued, with Kashitarou-san constantly teasing him and Nqrse-kun barking back at him with any possible answer he could think of, and I just stood there with the help of Nqrse-kun, watching them do their thing until I couldn't resist and started laughing at their behaviour. The both of them stopped arguing and smiled.
"Go make up with Soraru-san later, alright?" Kashitarou-san said.
"Just tell him what was bothering you and he'll understand," added Nqrse-kun.
I smiled and nodded, realising that I couldn't wait to talk to Soraru-san already.
When Nqrse-kun and Kashitarou-san guided me back to my room, Soraru-san stood outside my door and waited for us. I lifted my eyes to look at him, but he quickly shifted his gaze away from mine. I could feel knives stabbing at my heart, but I didn't have the rights to feel hurt, not after what I did to Soraru-san.
"What's the situation?" Soraru-san asked Amatsuki-kun when he walked into my room.
Nqrse-kun led me to my bed and helped me into a more comfortable position before he went back to Soraru-san's side. I sat with my feet curled beneath me as I scanned the room.
Senra-kun looked... Just like how he usually was. He wasn't a least bit shook even after knowing who Soraru-san was. He stood next to Shima-kun who was seated by the table, calm and composed. Shima-kun on the other hand, looked troubled. That should be the normal reaction from most people since everyone feared anyone who was a yakuza, be it current or former.
The man who brought in the 'ice' was tied up nicely and was at the corner of the room, still unconscious. Senra-kun was right. He was really good at this. The man would have a hard time getting out of those ropes, I thought as I examined Senra-kun's work on him.
"The man's still not awake yet, and I've collected some of the ice so that we could know what it was about," Amatsuki-kun reported, glancing at me from time to time to see if I was fine. I nodded at him, and he nodded back with acknowledgement.
"Good job, Amatsuki-kun," said Kashitarou as he went up to him.
"Nqrse," Soraru-san said.
"Aniki, it'll be dangerous to take it since we do not know the exact dosage to it," Nqrse-kun advised.
"He's right, Kanata-san," I said.
Soraru-san glared at me, but I refused to let that pressure me. Everyone in the room got quiet, waiting for either of us to speak up. I would have preferred that we talked in a more pleasant way, but I guessed that would have to wait until we were both alone.
"Tell me why did you do that, Mafuyu-san," Soraru-san demanded with emphasis on the alias I went with since we started working at this pleasure quarters.
"I thought it was a good chance for me to know more about this since we weren't having any leads at all," I explained. "If I took it then no one else should need to, since I could tell you about my experience with it,"
"But have you thought about-"
"If you meant my own wellbeing, no, Kanata-san, I didn't," I said calmly.
I saw how Soraru-san's jaws clenched tightly as he tried to keep his anger under control. He had every right to be mad at me, and frankly, I had hoped he yelled at me with all his might instead of treating me gently like how he did before we came back to my room.
"I needed to take it, Kanata-san," I continued. I held my hand in the other, and squeezed lightly as an encouragement for myself to not be afraid. "He would have gotten away if I didn't,"
Soraru-san slammed his fist on the wall next to him before he raked through his hair with his fingers in a frustrated manner. He paced the room impatiently for a bit, and sighed heavily as he planted his face into his hand. Everyone in the room was scared at his behaviour, especially Shima-kun and Senra-kun.
The person standing in the room right now wasn't the well-mannered Kanata-san that they knew and had been working with after all.
"Kanata-san," Senra-kun spoke up, breaking the silence in the room. "It is also my fault for not being able to check in on Mafuyu-kun. So please, don't take it out on him alone,"
"Hey, that's not something for you to say, Senra!" Shima-kun hit him on the shin, which caused Senra-kun to smile wryly at him since this wasn't the time to be fighting over something like this. "I should be responsible for what happened to Mafu-kun. I was the one who went through the list of requests from clients for Mafu-kun!"
Soraru-san was quiet as he walked towards the table where Shima-kun was at, and sat down with his legs crossed. He lowered his head before Shima-kun, which caught him by surprise. I sat up from my seat, ready to go over to Soraru-san but Kashitarou-san shook his head at me from the other side of the room, telling me to stay still.
Shima-kun wasn't sure what he should do in the situation, and he was telling Soraru-san to lift his head, that he couldn't accept such a thing from him.
"Shima-san, I'm sorry," Soraru-san said with his head still lowered. "For the trouble that we have caused you,"
"... Kanata-san, you haven't caused us any trouble. In fact, you and Mafu-kun had helped make a difference for my business and I couldn't thank you enough," Shima-kun smiled warmly at both Soraru-san and me. "I'm sure you had reasons why you're here, but please, raise your head,"
After that, Soraru-san sat there and talked to Shima-kun about what we were doing here, about the clan, about him, about me.
About us.
"Mafu-kun's that famous oiran from Tokyo?!" Shima-kun exclaimed after hearing Soraru-san's explanations. "You don't mean 'that' Mafumafu-san, right?! I thought it was simply a coincidence that you had the same names! What are you even doing at a place like this?!"
"I'm not working as a courtesan anymore, Shima-kun," I smiled shyly at him.
"But why not?" said Senra-kun. "You climbed your way up to the highest of the hierarchy in this industry, right?"
I didn't know how I should explain why since this was another long story, but as I was putting the words together in my mind, Soraru-san already beat me to it.
"Because he's mine," said Soraru-san.
"Eh, Kanata-san and Mafu-kun?" Shima-kun pointed at me and then back at Soraru-san, still referring to him by his alias because we didn't want anyone else in the quarters to know his true identity, and that he was more comfortable with it.
I blushed madly at Soraru-san's declaration. I guessed we were already on the topic about 'us' but I didn't expect Soraru-san to say it so bluntly like that as if it was enough for them to understand our relationship. I lowered my head and nodded slightly to Shima-kun's question.
Even Amatsuki-kun's face was flushed after Soraru-san declared our relationship out in the open like this. Kashitarou-san only sighed while Nqrse-kun was staring at Soraru-san with stars of admiration in his eyes at how manly he was when he said that, probably.
"Well, now that we're done with the explanations..." Soraru-san turned his body so that he was now facing me. He rested his head on his hand before he said, "I want to hear it from Mafumafu,"
I sat up straight under his gaze unconsciously, squirming on my bed a little and took a deep breath. It was time to change the gears in me since it was no time to be falling for Soraru-san again.
I started talking about how you could get feverish after taking the drugs. It was as if the inside of your body would be burning on fire, but at the same time, you would feel as if you were being soaked in ice water on the outside. There were hallucinations, of course. It wasn't a pleasant one for me, so I decided to keep that for myself. And there was also...
"Aphrodisiac," Soraru-san cut in.
"It has different effects on different people," I nodded. "For women and kids, they'd normally feel weakened, but for men, however, it gives them a stronger sex drive, giving them more energy,"
"But Mafu-kun, you-" Amatsuki-kun started.
"My body was weak to begin with, so when I was given aphrodisiac, I wouldn't be able to move most of the time," I said, knowing that I was going to be asked a question like this. "I think this is how people were kidnapped after taking this, like how Sakatan mentioned the last time,"
"What kind of sicko would give this to kids...?" Senra-kun said, sounding mad.
"... I don't really want to go too much into detail, but some people do have weird obsessions," I said hesitantly, not liking where this topic was going.
"That or they might be sold off as slaves," Kashitarou-san suggested.
"That is a possibility," Nqrse-kun agreed.
Soraru-san stood up on his feet and stretched his body a little before he moved to the man who was unconscious at the corner of the room, and kicked him in the stomach, causing him to cough, but at least he was awake now. He pulled the man up by the collar and slapped his cheek lightly as he asked the man if he could hear him.
The man squealed like a dying pig when he saw Soraru-san's face, and apologised over and over again. It would seem that Soraru-san couldn't stand the sound of him talking, so he grabbed the man by the cheeks with one hand, and told him to keep quiet or he was going to get it from him again. The man stayed still, very still.
"Yamada family, was it?" Soraru-san started.
The man refused to say anything.
"The Yamada family had been introducing new, fun things, right?" Soraru-san changed his question, causing the man to stare at him, his facial features turning darker as it was dyed with fear. "Why don't you introduce them to me too?"
The man shook his head carefully, and Soraru-san leaned in closer as he pulled at the man's hair to lift the man's head up.
"But you introduced it to my partner, didn't you? Why not me?" he asked again.
The man didn't dare make a sound, and Soraru-san clicked his tongue, annoyed at his behaviour and let him go.
"Nqrse, you do you," Soraru-san ordered as he got back to us.
"You got it, aniki!" Nqrse-kun grinned widely and skipped merrily on his way to the corner of the room. The moment he crouched down by the man's side, the aura around him changed, filling the man up with a different kind of fear. "Let's have you spill, shall we?"
Before Nqrse-kun could start interrogating, we were interrupted by the sound of the door.
"Hey, hey, hey, hey? Who said you could do anything to one of my precious patriarchs?" said the person who slid the door open.
The man was wearing a pair of dark shades, and was dressed in a bright green yukata with box patterns on the hem of it. He had short, chestnut hair with his bangs combed to the back and a piece of candy in his mouth. He wasn't tall like everyone else in the room, in fact, he might actually be the smallest one here, but the feeling he was giving out was horrifying even though he had a smile on.
"Boss!" the man shouted, sounding relieved that his 'boss' was now here.
"Ah, I guess he isn't my patriarch anymore," his boss dismissed his subordinate's cry nonchalantly. "You could do anything you want with him,"
"Boss, I can explain!" the man pleaded desperately.
"But note that he wouldn't be alive if he let anything slip out of that darned mouth of his," his boss said coldly as he crushed the candy in his mouth with his teeth. "You wouldn't want blood to dirty the floors around here, would you?"
So this was the Yamada family's head.
TBC