♡
Alone with her thoughts, her mind raced nonstop, she didn't know what to do or say to Jordan. She debated even going back to him. He'd definitely perceive her apprehension however, it seemed almost too dangerous to go back home.
She waited for a long while to finally close up the shop, her hands were a bit shaky whilst holding her car keys. It was cold outside, the post-rain smell lingered in the air. She only wished that he was sleeping or showering. Unlocking the car, she got in, secured the doors and sat for a moment before turning on the vehicle. The sound caused her to jolt in her seat. Ava felt almost nauseous as she pulled out onto the street and began to drive back to Jordan's.
.
♡
The conversation kept playing in her head over and over again. Ava didn't think that she could ever feel jealousy like this. Actually, she didn't think that she could ever feel jealousy in general because it wasn't like her. Guilt was gnawing in the back of her mind. She feared that her body would betray her once Jordan got close. There was no way she'd be able to control herself. She hated confrontation of any kind. But recognized that this had to be addressed or at least approached by a fragile angle. Her mind swam with all sorts of thoughts, making it very difficult to focus on the road.
♡
She decided to take the long route, going in circles in hopes of not getting to the destination soon enough. After what felt like hours, she pulled up into his driveway. Stayed in the car trying to gather her thoughts together and in order.
Accumulating, the willpower she found, Ava approached the front of his door. Her hand trembled as she inserted the key into the doorknob to unlock it.
To her tough luck, Jordan was already there and awake. He was standing there clothed rummaging through his cd records. His eyes lit up the moment he realized she was here. "There's my girl" he cooed and smiled. His dimples rising to the surface, causing her guard to falter. Ava pretended as if she didn't hear him and made her way to the kitchen. Her trip to the kitchen interrupted as arms snaked their way around her waist. Jordan brushed his lips on her cheek. Leaving soft butterfly kisses, making her shudder. Ava remained silent hoping that he would leave it at that and not want anything more. If he kissed her, by no way, would she be able to fake it.
At this moment, Jordan spun her around drawing her into him. His eyes filled with warmth and his touch was very tender. Fingers sprawled out on her waist, thumbs stroked her sides ever so softly. She attempted to dodge his amorous gaze, for it was too much to bear. Ava slowly turned her face and pulled out of his grasp. Jordan was a little hurt when she did this.
"Baby? Are you ok?" he questioned softly. She had never dodged one of his kisses before and now that she did, he truly wondered the reason why. "I-I have to go freshen up, I had fish for lunch and need to brush my teeth" she lied, excused herself and made her way to the bathroom.
Jordan was left dumbfounded.
♡
Meanwhile, she stood in front of the small bathroom mirror. Her hands planted on the sink as she steadied her breath. Turning on the water for a brief moment. She wanted to give the notion that she was actually brushing her teeth or washing her face. As she stood there, a familiar scent ceased her thinking because it drew her attention right away. The scent seemed to be coming from her clothing. She took a whiff of her jacket and shirt. ' That smells familiar' she thought as her eyebrows furrowed. Deciding to look for her makeup remover wipes. She felt numb, she wished to sleep and find a reasonable way to approach this in the morning. In the act of looking for her wipes, a familiar hourglass shaped bottle caught her attention. A small bulb seemed to go off in her head and she gently picked it up to sniff it, curiosity getting the best of her. Her eyebrows furrowed when she lifted her arm to take another whiff. 'This is it' she thought, realization hitting hard. It was no doubt confirmed that it was the same citrus and fruity smell from the bottle.
She released a small gasp in horror. Recalling that Tayler hugged her right before she left, which was only about an hour or so ago. 'Does this belong to her?
Did she leave this at Jordan's'
she wondered.
A small knock startled her, snagging her out of her thoughts. "Baby you're worrying me" Jordan called out softly from behind the other side of the door. "I'm ok, I'll be there in a moment" she responded. Letting out a sigh of relief, hearing the faint sound of footsteps walking away. Ava placed the bottle back and closed it. Biting her thumb, she tried to think what her next actions will be.
♡
A short moment later, she walked out of the bathroom, uncertain of what to do. For the first time ever in a very long time, she was beginning to question if Jordan loved her. She was terrified to take another step, it felt like walking on eggshells and not knowing what was on the other side.
'What will become of tonight?' she asked herself.
"Oh, sweetheart" Jordan cooed as he sauntered towards her.
She attempted to give her best smile to which she thought he bought, but he could see right through her. Jordan perceived that she was not ok.
A few inches away from her, he tenderly lifts her chin with his index finger with the intention of seeing her. She had a saddened expression on her face, like the light in her eyes, was threatening to flicker off. "What's wrong baby girl hmm?" he asked using the sweetest, most genuine tone of voice while caressing her face.
'I can't just let this go, could I?" she wondered.
"Ava?" Jordan said trying to get her attention.
"I'm sorry Jordan-, I have to go" she snapped.
"What-, go where?" he questioned, his eyes searching for hers.
"Back home, I don't think I can stay tonight" she answered, her bottom lip quivering.
"What-, what do you mean-, what happened?" he continued while standing there feeling useless to cater to comfort her.
Ava bit her lip hard to fight back the tears threatening to form. The conversation between Tayler kept playing in her head. Jordan was not stupid and he certainly was not having it. Something was wrong and he needed to know. "Nothing, nothing I just need to go home" she whimpered, fidgeting with the cuffs on her jacket. "Alone?" he asked, then reached for her hand, holding it in his. "Yeah, why does it matter? I've stayed home alone a few times already" she recalled. "I know, but this is so out of the blue and forgive me for saying this, but you're not acting like yourself," he told her.
"I'll be fine, let me go, I need time alone, that's all" she pleaded, the strap of her bag already on her shoulder. Jordan didn't want to pester her, if anything, that's the last thing he wanted to do. He'd let her go, hell he'd even take her. But he needed to make sure that whatever it was, was not because of them. He tried to stop her midway, cutting her small steps short. Ava's eyes bored into the ground in front of her. She didn't want confrontation of any kind, but she feared that Jordan could be assuming the worst of her.
"Are you hiding something from me?" he questioned sounding hurt. "No, I'm not. I'm keeping it to myself actually" she clarified. "Baby, we've talked about this before, you can't shut yourself out from me. I'm here to comfort you and cheer you up when things get ugly" he recalled. "I know and I appreciate that of you, but I have to go" she spoke as she walked towards the front door, a tear trickling down her cheek.
Jordan was quick to block the exit. " I'm sorry but I can't let you leave like this" he said hoping she'd stay. "Move please" she whimpered not being able to find the strength to fight him. "No, I'm worried about you. It hurts so bad to see you this way and not know the damn reason behind it" he remarked growing a bit frustrated. She stayed silent, looking at him with dull eyes.
Ava felt trapped, she didn't know what to do or say to him. She was unprepared to have this conversation nor did she think that she would want to hear the answers to her questions. "If you love me, you wouldn't let me stay tonight," she told him as a tear streamed down her face. Jordan was quick to wipe them away, she sniffled when he pulled her into his warm chest.
"Baby baby baby" he lovingly murmured and rested his head on top of hers. Jordan stroke her hair, held her close as she nuzzled into him.
"Is what you said true?" she mumbled, her voice muffled.
"What do you mean baby? What did I say?" he asked still holding her in his arms.
Ava pulled away, to look up at him and said: "That you are in love with me-, is that true?".
Her eyes held fear and a bit of hope.
Whilst his held bewilderment and pain.
Jordan didn't even hesitate to say
"of course I am-
why would you even question it? " he added pained by the question.
Ava let out a sigh, letting her guard down for a second.
"I didn't even mean it like that".
She wanted nothing more than to let it go. And allow him to take her into her arms without the possibility of ever getting out of them. She wished the voices in her head would suppress if she dared let herself go.
Jordan felt tied to the ground, perplexed by everything as Ava had never pushed him away this far. The previous times, she always allowed herself to gravitate towards him. In her most vulnerable state, Jordan was the one person who could find her in the dark.
"I love you, but please don't let me stay the night" she pleaded while shaking her head.
"Why are you telling me this?" he questioned concern pooling in his eyes.
She didn't respond.
Straightaway, the size of the room seemed to constrict her and she was unable to breathe. Jordan decided to lean against the wall next to the door, to close his eyes and breath for a moment. Ava stood there where he left her, glancing back at him and the door mere inches away from him.
'What do I do?" she wondered.
She figured she needed to distract him to plan her escape. Ambling over to him, she leaned in to kiss his neck. Luckily, his eyes were still closed, but he was very much enjoying the feeling of her lips. Ava unlocked the door, her hand planted on the doorknob, ready to whip it open. Trailing a couple of wet butterfly kisses along his jawline, he let out a small whimper and licked his lips.
In a flash, she ripped away from him, opened the door and dashed out the front, not even giving him the slight chance to catch up to her. Jordan's heart sunk to the floor, when he heard the door close shut and the sound of rushed footsteps. He didn't hesitate to pull it open and surge after her.
"Woah hey!" he called out as he ran as fast as he could.
Ava was not too far from him, for he could hear him call out for her. She scoured for her keys in her bag. Her legs became weary from running as fast as she could. But it was no use, Jordan had already found her.
"You can't just run away, we talked about this Ava" he spoke loud enough for her to hear.
'Shit' she cursed under her breath.
"If I did something, please tell me" he continued as he walked closer to her.
'Fuck it' she thought to herself before speaking out.
"I know about Tayler".