PSSSSSSST...I'm using the title of the story as a title for a chapter. This means it's important.
After sharing a few more ice cream flavored kisses, Jordan and Ava both finally finished their cold treats and sat side by side admiring the starry night. It was quite breezy so Ava clutched onto Jordan's arm and rested her cheek against it. Jordan felt content, with his sweetheart this close to him. Ava was the sweetest more pure thing that he had ever met. He almost assumed that she had nothing to hide and that she'd give him anything if he just asked. But even he knew that it would too selfish of him to ask for things that she might not be ready for. On the other hand, he'd give her anything, he only wished that she'd ask for more of him because he'd give her so much more than what she has been settling for now. He was a passionate person, and sometimes he wanted to do things for Ava that he had never done for another person. He didn't know what he could give, only that he'd give it all to her. Whatever that meant, he just wanted to be the best that Ava ever had, actually, he wanted to be the only one, she ever had. Maybe she didn't see it yet but he's starting to, a future of some sort where she'd end up with him, possibly married and a family of their own. Ava was so understanding and never once confronted him about fans or fame. She only spoke to him, Jordan, not Jordan Knight, A New Kid. He could picture it now and only wished that she'd focus the image enough to see it too.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked as she nuzzled her head closer into his arm, taking in his natural scent. "hmmm?" he said almost in a dreamy haze as his thoughts took him to another realm. "You stayed quiet for a pretty long time, something on your mind?" she spoke softly. "Nothing.. well actually, maybe someone is on my mind" he said with a smirk and she chuckled. "Let me guess, mmm Mr. Joseph Mcintyre?" Ava joked. He shook his head and chuckled. "Okay uh Danny?" she continued to joke around and he quickly leaned over, kissing her deeply. Ava was immediately silenced, her eyes closed, relaxing into his lips. When he pulled away, he leaned his forehead against hers all while looking deeply into her eyes. "I'll give you a hint, I'm looking at them right now". Ava could feel herself madly blushing and shook her head in disbelief. "Jordan, am I always going to end up turning into a tomato when I'm with you?" she spoke and he looked at her perplexed, but then found himself laughing. "You never let me be romantic" he playfully retorts as his shoulder continues to shake since he's been laughing for a good 20 seconds now. "Sorry, but when you're staring into my soul and I feel like I'm going to pass out from those eyes, I need to draw a line here" she answers and shrugs but smiles at her boyfriend's amused expression. This is what he loved about her, she had an incredible sense of humor, thus somehow makes him laugh with her clever remarks and ridiculous comments. How could she be shy and so quirky at the same time? No doubt, Jordan was crazy about her.
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Jordan suggested that they'd take a small stroll around the pier since it was nearly vacant. They walked hand in hand, the wind made Ava's silky curls bounce and sometimes she would have to remove the loose hair strands that tickled her face. They decided to stop in a spot where they had a beautiful view of the water, the moonlight reflecting off it. "Baby, can I ask you somethin' ?" Jordan spoke as they both slightly leaned over the wooden railing. "Yes, what's up?" she responded nonchalantly. "How am I doing as a boyfriend? As your first boyfriend, I mean". Ava looked at him as if she thought he was joking, but the sincerity in his brown eyes was as clear as crystal water. "Oh umm, why are you asking me this?" she responded nervously but didn't understand why it made her feel like that. "Ughh I don't know, I just feel like I might not be doing enough for you" he admits and her jaw slightly drops. "Jordan, w-why would you say that?" she says in disbelief as she becomes concerned with the direction that this conversation was going in. Jordan shrugged, refusing to look at her as his nails slightly scratched the wood surface. "Jordan, you're a dream" she began and he turned to give her his undivided attention. "I don't know if I did something to make you feel that way" she continued and he was quick to disagree. "Of course not baby". "I'm not great with words, I write them, I don't say them. But I'm gonna try to use them right now." Ava paused for a moment and made sure that she had total eye contact with Jordan before resuming to speak. "Jordan, you mean a lot to me, you're the best boyfriend any girl could ever ask for, sometimes even I wonder if I'm good enough for you, I can't put into words what it's like to be kissed by you, to be held by you, to be serenaded by you and so on. It's indescribable, I feel everything that words can't explain through those gestures. Not to mention you're so patient with me, you're gentle, you're sweet, you're romantic, you're everything I didn't know I wanted. I know you're incapable of hurting me because you're so honest, you've been honest with me since the moment you told me you were a new kid since then, I knew I could give you my trust without a doubt. The first time we kissed, first of all, I had no idea what I was doing, but I felt like that wasn't going to be the last time we kissed, I don't know if I believe in love at first sight but when I first saw you, god I didn't know what to expect. And your beauty doesn't just immensely radiate from the outside, on the inside you're irresistible, I'm completely head over heels for you. It's almost impossible for me not to be."
When she finished, Jordan immediately kissed her hard but deeply. It was as if he was pouring out his response into this needy kiss. Ava placed her hands on his cheek as she kissed him back. "Baby you're so amazing," he told her in between loving pecks. Ava smiled throughout them and closed her eyes. There was something gnawing in Jordan's head, that was telling him, it was time to tell her the truth about how his past is trying to catch up to him. When she opened them, she noticed something off in Jordan's eyes. They seemed to be filled with fearfulness and guilt. "Jordan what's wrong?" she asked as she reached to caress his cheek, her thumb softly brushing his cheekbone. "I-I have to tell you something" he admitted and she could only nod her head indicating for him to proceed. "Please don't be mad at me". Ava felt a wave of nausea wash over her after he said this.
Was Jordan going to admit he cheated?
Falling out of like with her?
Breaking up with her?
"Before you" he said and paused, before looking at her as she looked like a family member asking a doctor about one of their loved ones who were in critical condition. "There was a girl, her name was Heidi, is Heidi..". Ava remained silent but then opened her mouth to speak. "Is?". Jordan nodded almost ashamed of himself. Ava crossed her arms over her chest and looked at the floor, but then returned her gaze to him. " We let's say, dated in the past, but I haven't been physical with her for over a year now" he admitted in a low voice and Ava nodded. "You guys were in an official relationship," Ava asked firmly as she raised an eyebrow. She felt like Jordan wasn't telling the truth and wanted to test him to see if she was right. The hesitation in his voice, when he spoke, confirmed that. He shook his head slowly. "So if you weren't in a relationship, how were you being physical with her?". He sighed and gulped hard. "I met her through a groupie". "A groupie?" Ava repeated as she furrowed her eyebrows and he nodded. "Please tell me you know what that is, I don't feel comfortable explaining it to you" he said with guilt filling his eyes. "Unfortunately, I do" she answered blankly and shrugged her shoulders. Jordan felt like he was criminal who committed the worst crime in the book and Ava was the judge who was convicting him for his wrongdoings. "It was a one-time thing" he continued as Ava's lips had formed into a tight line. "Baby, I'm not a virgin, I'm sure you knew that". Ava was aware of this already but something about Jordan participating in that kind of activity almost made her skin crawl, she never thought he would be the type of guy to engage in them. "And you had sex with her?" she asked as Jordan refused to look at her, but nodded. "But it was only her, I wasn't going around doing it with a random stranger" he answered. This was like being placed between the sword and the wall, or better said adding more fuel to the fire. Every question that came from Ava's mouth felt like Jordan was walking towards the lion's cage. "Were you at least using protection?". Jordan nodded. "Then what happened?" she questioned. "Well, we both realized we could take care of each other's needs" he continued and noticed Ava's face almost cringe with disgust but she tried hiding it. "I wasn't looking for a relationship and neither was she, we just wanted to keep it no strings attached". "Okay" Ava responded as her eyes bore into his. " We did this for a long time, over a year or more, that was until I broke things off and she wouldn't let me go, she claimed I was the best she'd ever had, but I felt like it wasn't fair for neither of us". Ava could only nod again. "To this day, she continues to look for me, and I always denied her, I tell her that I want nothing to do with her, I don't want to say she's obsessed but, she's not willing to let me go" he finished.
"So I have competition or something?" Ava said almost harshly but she couldn't help it, here was her boyfriend telling her about having meaningless sex with a girl he met in a raunchy situation. "No baby of course not, why would you say that?" he said as he reached for her hand but she politely pulled it away. "Did she fall in love with you?" she asked weakly as her eyes saddened. "No, I don't think so, we agreed on keeping emotions aside," he said and she closed her eyes in disgust. Ava couldn't control her responses, she just didn't see Jordan like that. She knew it was part of his past, but it still didn't sit well with her. "Baby, I wanted to be honest with you, I know it's not the nicest thing to hear but I want no secrets between us, I've changed" Jordan pleaded. "Jordan, sex isn't just an act, how could you be with someone intimately and not expect them to feel anything" Ava argued. "Maybe you didn't, but maybe she did". "Is that how you see it?" she asked as her voice slightly croaked. Jordan shook his head. "Please try to understand me, don't judge me, people change, I've changed since you walked into my life".
A/n: Pun intended *wink wink*
"It's hard for me to process this, Jordan I'm still a virgin, I don't see sex as something playful, I never saw it as that" Ava confessed. "I know you don't baby, you're so pure" he agreed. Ava hugged herself as she thought about what to say next. "I'm a person that believes in improvement and I believe that people's wrongdoings don't define who they are. I don't see that side of you right now, so it's best if we leave him in the past". Ava tried to force a smile and reached for Jordan's hand. He wasn't his mistakes, they didn't define him and Ava wasn't perfect either. She had her flaws and regrets too. They were only human trying to alter themselves to prepare for the future. Suddenly, a negative thought washed over Ava as she turned to look at him with pleading eyes."Please don't pressure me, Jordan if you have needs I can-" she began but he interrupted. "Shh baby, don't feel like you have to give me that, I can wait for as long as you need me to, it won't just be sex to me, it'll be me making love to you" he assured and her eyes widened. Ava felt like she would reach this milestone in her life with Jordan, the thought of it made her body tremble with anticipation. But this wasn't his usual playful self, this was Jordan being an honest man to his girl. "I mean, anything you ask of me, I'll try to give you as much as I can. Although some things will take time I know that I'll eventually tear those barriers down myself and meet you halfway, I don't find that difficult if it's with you Jordan" Ava spoke with sincerity in her eyes.
"And anything you ask of me Ava, I'll do it just to keep you by my side, because I'm more than certain that I've completely fallen in love with you".
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OHHHHHHH MY GOSHHHHHHHH. HE SAID IT. ♡