Warning: This is an AU fanfiction!
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Soraru breathed out slowly.
He was sitting on the low stone walls at the royal garden, looking up at the dark, cloudy night sky without the presence of the moon or any stars. It had been several days since Soraru saw Mafumafu back at the slums, and never once since then had he come over to the castle. Each night, Soraru would come over to the garden at the same exact time they would meet back during the first and second encounter, and he would wait.
He waited, and waited, and waited.
But Mafumafu never turned up.
He went back to the slums to see if he could see him again, but he never found him. Still, he never gave up. He would find a reason to excuse himself from castle duty, and would search frantically for him, but of course he couldn't totally abandon his duty as a knight every day so he kept it at minimum and only did it twice or thrice a week.
Soraru couldn't thank the King enough for letting him take some time off to attend to some private matters. The King told him that it was time he had some time for himself, and it was good for him to go out of the castle once in a while.
"You're already at the age of marriage after all. I wouldn't be surprised if you had a woman or two in town!" the King laughed happily when Soraru apologised on his third time asking for permission to go outside of the castle. "Go, Soraru. I'm sure she's waiting for you,"
Soraru only smiled at the King.
If only that were true, he thought. If only he was waiting for him, he wouldn't be looking for him everywhere. He didn't know where he lived, he didn't know where he should wait; he was absolutely clueless. It was as if he disappeared, gone, poof, just like that.
He was worried. He was afraid that something might have happened to Mafumafu because back then at the slums, at the back alley, it was obvious that something was wrong with all the visible injuries on his face. He blamed himself night after night. If only he had stopped him, if only he made him stay, he would say to himself.
When Soraru saw tears running down his cheeks, he felt something in his chest squeeze a bit, making him run out of breath. It was painful watching him like that, and without giving much thought, he decided to hold him. He felt Mafumafu's tears dampening his coat back then, and he frowned. He had never felt like this before, not even when Lon cried. It was different.
He wanted to do something for him, but the fact that he didn't know how he could, frustrated him. He felt useless, powerless. There was nothing he could do other than telling him words of comfort as he sobbed in his embrace.
He couldn't forgive himself for letting him go. He should have kept him with him, bring him back with him to the castle or something, but he knew Mafumafu would hate it, so he didn't.
Soraru held both of his hands together, and squeezed tightly.
He wanted to see him.
Someone was walking into the royal garden, and Soraru's ears perked up at the sound of the footsteps, but almost immediately sat back down on his seat on the low stone wall, bringing one leg up then putting it under him, letting his other hang below him, and turned back to look out at the garden. The person stopped in front of him, but Soraru hadn't the energy to bring his head up to look at him.
"Geez, what are you doing here, Soraru-san?"
"... What do you want, Kashitarou?" said Soraru without even batting an eye at him. From the sound of the footsteps, he knew it wasn't Mafumafu. It couldn't be.
"How cold," Kashitarou let out a chuckle, and took his seat beside Soraru.
The young man smiled sadly at the state of his close friend, and sat silently together with him as they admired the garden. He would look back and forth at Soraru and the garden occasionally until he couldn't bear the silence anymore.
"Soraru-san, are you okay?"
Soraru didn't know what he should say to that since he was not exactly sure how he was feeling at the moment. He'd say he was feeling pretty numbed by the emptiness inside of him. And worst of all, he knew what was causing him to feel like this but there was no solution to it until he got to meet him. At least that was what he thought was the cure to this numbness he was feeling.
"... I'm fine," Soraru said, deciding to keep that to himself.
"But you've been like this for nearly a month,"
Soraru finally looked at Kashitarou. The man had a concerned look on his face, and Soraru felt guilty about it.
"Has it been a month?" Soraru asked, not being able to believe that it had only been such a short period of time. The waiting made him feel as if it had been forever.
"Heavens, Soraru-san. What's wrong?" Kashitarou raked his hair to the back, and then ruffled it up with frustration. "You haven't been eating well, neither have you been sleeping at your cabinet. I asked a couple of guards about your whereabouts, and one of them said they saw you here,"
Soraru said nothing but looked away and down at his hands. His knuckles were turning pale, and he quickly loosened his grip on his own hands.
"96-chan and I are worried about you. We didn't tell the princess about your condition but I'm sure she wouldn't want to see you like this either,"
"Thank you, Kashitarou, but it's really nothing you should worry about-"
"You shouldn't be saying that at a time like this!" Kashitarou said, loudly, with a hint of anger behind his tone. He was now standing in front of Soraru, his face displayed frustration. How long had it been since Soraru saw Kashitarou raise his voice at someone? Almost never, he supposed, which took him by surprise. Kashitarou took a deep breath, and let it out slowly before he asked quietly, "How long has it been since you last slept?"
Soraru stayed silent for a while before he opened his mouth and said:
"... I can't tell,"
He couldn't believe he couldn't remember when was the last time he let his eyelids fall until someone asked him. He had been keeping himself occupied when he was in the castle so that he wouldn't think about Mafumafu. Otherwise he would be running around in the slums like a fool as he looked for him. When exactly was the last time Soraru properly rested?
"... Kashitarou, I can't tell..." Soraru repeated weakly.
Kashitarou let out a heavy, exasperated sigh, and sat back down beside Soraru. He leaned his body forward so that he could rest his elbows on his thighs.
"Would you tell me what's wrong?"
Soraru looked at Kashitarou, their eyes met but Kashitarou immediately broke eye contact with Soraru by looking down at his hands.
"I would, but I can't,"
"And why is that?"
"... It's not as simple as you think it is, Kashitarou,"
"I wouldn't know if you won't tell me,"
He understood that Kashitarou was worried, and if it were him, he would have done the same thing he was doing to him right this instant but it really wasn't something he could tell his closest friend. What should he tell him? I want to see this person who was given a task to kill my King? How was he supposed to say that?
"... I can't tell you,"
Kashitarou sighed again. The air around them was still, but Soraru really couldn't bring himself to make the effort to clear the clouds. He was exhausted. All he wanted was to know that Mafumafu was safe, but not even knowing where he went, it made him even more restless than necessary.
"Kashitarou, I really don't know how I should tell you this," Soraru said softly, and laughed mockingly at himself. How he wished he could have someone he could talk to about the matter. It wasn't as if Soraru was doing this because he wanted to keep his reputation as a king's knight, but it was because he couldn't risk exposing Mafumafu to anyone.
He didn't want to imagine what would happen then when people found out about him.
It was the first time in so long since he saw Kashitarou frown, and he had to say that it was a rather refreshing sight but he definitely looked better when he was smiling like an idiot all the time.
"I am all ears," said Kashitarou solemnly.
It was Soraru's turn to let out a sigh. Kashitarou was still as stubborn as always. He smiled weakly at him, swallowed the huge lump that had been stuck in his throat for a while now, feeling better than he was moments ago.
"I met someone," Soraru started. "Someone who I shouldn't be involved with,"
Soraru glanced over at Kashitarou to see if he had any reaction to that statement, but there wasn't any. He just sat there, waiting for Soraru to go on, and so he did.
He told him that he met that certain someone here, in the royal garden. He told him that he was an assassin who had the attempt to murder their King.
Again, Soraru stopped to see Kashitarou's reaction, but Kashitarou only gestured for him to go on.
He said that he even invited that person to the party, and that was when he first realised that he held something for him, and knew fully well that he should stop but he couldn't. Then he told him about what he had been doing for the past couple of weeks because of the state that person was in during the last time they met. However, he had been constantly failing at each attempt when he tried to search for that person.
"And then you have me here like this," Soraru put out his hands and directed at himself as he smiled at Kashitarou after he gave him a summary of his story before putting his hands back down on his thighs.
"What was it that you felt when you're together with him?" asked Kashitarou.
"... I don't know,"
"There must be something that made you realise it, right?"
Soraru didn't want to say it, but he couldn't care anymore after telling Kashitarou almost everything.
"... I wanted to kiss him,"
Kashitarou sat there, looking rather calm.
"You don't look surprise," Soraru commented.
"It's probably because I know very well how that feels,"
"You do?" Soraru asked, not expecting an answer like that from Kashitarou. Kashitarou, a man who would constantly whine about looking for a partner at a ball, was saying that he knew what that meant. "But don't you think one would be a little more surprised when they hear their friend talk about wanting to kiss an assassin, and not to mention that he is of the same gender?"
"I mean, ignoring the fact that he's an assassin, it's not as if I could say anything about it myself since I-" Kashitarou broke himself off, and cleared his throat. "Forget what I just said,"
"What? Since when had you found someone? And from that statement just now, it's safe for me to take that your partner is not a woman, right?"
"Hey, hey, hey, he might not have been a woman but he was definitely a thousand- wait, no, a million times more attractive than any woman I have ever seen with these pair of eyes,"
He could see a point in his statement, and before he realised it, he was already laughing at Kashitarou.
"What was it that was so funny?" and it would seem Kashitarou was infected by Soraru's laugh too. The both laughed together for a while before they finally calmed down.
"I was just thinking about how great you are as a friend," Soraru wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, and let out a breath, feeling the heavy stone being lifted off his chest.
Soraru smiled at Kashitarou with gratitude, and draped his arm over his shoulder, giving him a strong pat on the arm. He was grateful he listened to him talk, but he also thought about how Kashitarou should have at least tried to stop him from involving himself with the assassin anymore. He told him that, and the handsome young man only said:
"Why? I don't see a problem," Kashitarou looked up at the ceiling as he said thoughtfully. "It's not like he has harmed anyone in our castle,"
He was not wrong. In fact, it was actually a matter that should be strongly considered. Mafumafu had not done anything wrong, nothing. He also knew Mafumafu hadn't any intention in harming anyone even though he had not a single idea of how many people he had killed with his own hands, but the orders were most probably all from his higher-up.
"Whatever you're doing, it's working," Kashitarou grinned at Soraru. "Isn't it, Soraru-san?"
It was never Soraru's intention to begin with, to be getting this close with Mafumafu. He never wanted to fight so he decided to talk his way through. However, talking to Mafumafu was somewhat entertaining, and when he slowly got to know him, he wasn't exactly what the rumors said he was. Being together with him also gave Soraru this feeling that he couldn't quite describe but it was a pleasant one.
Whatever Soraru was doing, he was sure it was doing himself over terribly. But he didn't think he disliked it if it meant he could be with Mafumafu.
"I don't even know if you're smart or ignorant anymore," Soraru let out a chuckle. "But thank you, Kashitarou,"
-
Kashitarou was saying how Soraru should sleep as he forced Soraru to go back to his cabinet. Soraru told him that he was going to even if he didn't say that, but Kashitarou immediately saw through his lies. He was persistent, and wouldn't leave his side until he was at his cabinet.
"I have to go check on the princess, Kashitarou," Soraru let out an exasperated sigh. He was still a knight after all, his princess' knight. He had duties to fulfill.
"Then I'll go with you," said Kashitarou, not entirely trusting Soraru's words.
Soraru flicked him on the forehead with his fingers, and scolded him. He was sure Kashitarou had a ton of work in hand too, so he must be exhausted from all that as well. He took a lot of Kashitarou's time tonight, and he didn't need to take any more of his precious good night's sleep. With that, he managed to convince Kashitarou to go back to his own cabinet, and promised that he would go to sleep tonight before he headed for the princess' bed chamber.
After they parted, Soraru turned to walk down that long corridor down to the princess, his footsteps echoing loudly as his boots tapped against the ground. He had been thinking of changing these pair of boots for so long, but with things being so hectic recently, he kept forgetting to get himself a new pair. He was thinking if he should get himself one tomorrow at the slums, and that'd give him a reason to go out looking for him again.
He let out the nth sigh for tonight. This was no time to be thinking about Mafumafu again. He needed to focus, check on the guards and the princess, and then try to go to bed for the first time in so many weeks.
He took a sharp turn to the left, his boots squeaked a little from it, and walked down the familiar corridor to the princess' bed chamber except something was amiss.
Soraru ran at the two guards who were lying on a pool of blood on the stone floor outside of the princess' bed chamber. He checked on one and noticed that he already stopped breathing, and quickly went to the other guard. He was badly hurt with a stab through his shoulder and somewhere below his gut, but he was surviving. He tried to say something but Soraru told him to save his breath.
He helped the guard sit up, and let him rest against the wall before telling him that he would get him the medic as soon as possible, but the guard only shook his head.
"... Sir... The princess..." he muttered in pain, but his words came out as clear as crystal.
Soraru barged into the princess' chamber. The windows were opened, letting the cold wind intrude the room, blowing at the curtains and making them wave. He quickly ran towards the princess' bed. The princess was lying still, not moving a single muscle. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead, her face was pale, and her lips were visibly purple.
"Lon!" Soraru exclaimed, and placed one hand on her cheek, feeling her body burn up. He tapped lightly on the other side of her cheek with his other hand to wake her up. "Lon, can you hear me?!"
Lon's lips moved a little, as if to say something, and Soraru moved his ear closer to her so that he could listen.
"Soraru-san... Leave..."
Soraru lifted his head up as he felt someone's presence in the room. He didn't notice it just now because his priority was Lon, but he could feel it now. Even if she ordered him to, he was not going to leave his princess. What point was it for him to be her knight in the first place?
"Lon, hang in there," his princess was clearly poisoned by the person who caused a bloody mess with his guards outside Lon's room. He needed to get Lon to the medic, but he couldn't possibly leave the intruder here either. The guard outside was badly injured and he had no one else to depend on.
It was all on him.
"Soraru-san, no..." Lon started again before she started coughing and wheezing.
"Lon, that's enough," Soraru placed one hand under her back, and the other at the back of her knees. He swept her up in his arms, and muttered an 'excuse me' as he did. "I'm not leaving you,"
When Soraru turned to face the scum who hurt his princess, his train of thoughts came to a stop. He watched as the man came walking out from the shadows with his clothes stained with blood. He flung his dagger down at the ground to get rid of the blood on its blade before he held it in a better grip in his hand. He looked up at Soraru, and Soraru met a pair of blood red eyes that he was familiar with.
He didn't want to believe it, but he was right before his eyes. The truth was there.
"... Mafumafu...?"
TBC
A/N: Hello, I have come back with a new update after half a month. It's already June, and half of 2018 was gone but I hope all of you had a good time. This chapter is shorter in comparison to the others but I wish you could forgive me! It's getting a little bit heated up, if I can say so myself.
Anyways, cookies to you!