Warning: Attempted fluff. It's been a while since I've written something.
Dedicated to @iwantmelon (6th of December) and the rest of the December babies even though it's already January. Happy new year!
When Mafu first met him in person, he looked like the stars that were hung high up in the dark, clear sky of the night; sparkling the brightest in his eyes. He was the person he admired the most for all his life until one day Mafu realized that his feelings could no longer be called as 'admiration', because he knew it was love.
Mafu did not believe it at first, always telling himself that he was just thinking a little too much into things, but his heart told him otherwise. He started to feel more conscious of his appearance, actions, and even words when he was with Soraru. But he still tried convincing himself that it was just because he 'admired' him.
He says this but every time Soraru needed to leave, he would instantly feel lonely as Soraru's presence meant a lot to him. He enjoyed the times when Soraru was with him, and sad when Soraru wasn't. He started missing him when he and Soraru couldn't meet due to work. He wanted to call or text him to see if Soraru was properly eating, but he couldn't bring himself to do it because he was afraid to disturb him. He wouldn't want to interrupt Soraru's pace at work, neither does he want to wake him up from his sleep. What if Soraru just went to bed only a few minutes ago?
Even as he says so, he sometimes brought the courage to call anyway, and every time he does, Soraru would pick it up, answering with a gentle voice, questioning with a hum as he goes, "What is it, Mafumafu?" There were also times when Soraru was sleeping, but Mafu still managed to hear his voice before his turn to go to bed. He wanted this feeling he has for Soraru to be wrong, but things wouldn't go his way because it was clear his emotions shook from what Soraru did for him, going out of his way to pick up his call no matter the time.
He says he wants to give up these feelings on him because nothing positive could come out from it, because his love wouldn't bear fruits that would give him the equal love he craved for from Soraru, and he was this close to giving up until he went to Soraru's house the other day due to work. He sat on his couch, waiting for Soraru to come out from the kitchen with their drinks. And there he was, walking towards him with two mugs in his hands. Mafu received the cup of coffee from him, and then looked around for the sugar bowl. That was when Soraru said:
"Three blocks of sugar cubes,"
Mafu widened his eyes at that statement. He brought up his head to watch Soraru bring his own cup to his lips, slowly sipping onto his tea.
"That's how you drink your coffee, right?"
And that was when Mafu knew he had no way to escape from this.
"Mafumafu?"
He was already madly in love with this man
-
Thoughts of Soraru had been clouding his mind a lot recently since. Mafu considered confessing but the hurdle was a little too high for him. He wouldn't want his confession to shatter their current relationship. He was comfortable like this, except he gets too nervous every time he sees Soraru because he was extremely conscious of these feelings he holds for Soraru.
"Mafumafu, I think you should take a look at this,"
"Hmm, which is it?"
It was a lovely afternoon, and Mafu was at Soraru's room, making some corrections on their mixes and arrangements. Frankly speaking, it felt a little warm today for winter, but he knew it was not because of nature. It was because of himself. The fact that Soraru was sitting so close to him, with their shoulders almost touching, made Mafu feel unnatural. Sometimes, out of a sudden, Soraru would lean in from behind, and he could feel Soraru's chest pressing against his back. For a second there, Mafu thought he could feel Soraru's heartbeat but before he could make sure, Soraru already moved away.
"Ah... I think we could make the pitch here a little higher and this one lower instead," Mafu leaned his body forward until his face was right in front of the screen. He squinted as he found another mistake they did during the mixing process. "And this one too,"
"Alright," Soraru picked up the mouse, and started working on the ones Mafu mentioned.
When they finally touched the audio up with some finishing touches, Soraru stretched his body while putting his hands up in the air. Mafu bobbed his head up and down as a polite gesture, thanking him for his good work. He liked how Soraru would listen to all of his dissatisfaction towards some parts of the song, and does it all over again with him. Then again, it might just be that Soraru wanted to make it a good experience for everyone else too.
But just for now, Mafu wanted to believe that Soraru was doing it for him.
"Great work, Mafumafu," Soraru said. He placed a hand on top of Mafu's head, and then ruffled his hair up into a mess. "You can use my bed if you want to sleep. I don't want you collapsing in the middle of the road when you're on your way home after all,"
Sleeping on Soraru's bed, letting Soraru's scent wrap him as he falls into his deep slumber? Let's just say that he wouldn't even be able to sleep because of the noises his stupid heart would make, and would end up even more tired than he already was.
"It's okay, I'm fine,"Mafu pushed Soraru's hand away, trying to fix his hair. The warmth of Soraru's hand still remained, his touch burned intensely at every second. Mafu closed his eyes so that he could feel it better while listening to the increasing pace of his heartbeat, proof of his love for Soraru.
He didn't hear Soraru say anything for a while, and when he came back to his senses, he felt Soraru threw a blanket at him, and then his presence next to him. Soraru didn't say anything, and Mafu kind of understood what he wanted him to do.
Mafu carefully leaned onto Soraru's shoulder, and rested his head on it, pulling onto the blankets as he did. The blanket smelled like Soraru, even more so when Soraru was sitting beside him. This might actually be worse than sleeping in Soraru's bed but he couldn't bring himself to move because he wanted to feel Soraru's warmth.
It was not as if they were lovers or anything, and to put it simply, they were even lesser than that. Though, there were times where the things they do together seem like what only lovers would do, for example, what was happening to him now. He didn't know how and when it was a thing, but it somehow became one. That Soraru would always offer him his shoulder to lean on to let him take a short nap.
He could have just offered him the couch or something; anything but the bed was fine, which was why Mafu could never understand this gesture of his.
He scooted a little closer to Soraru, just so his body was slightly stuck to Soraru, and closed his eyes.
Mafu wanted to think that Soraru treated him this way because he was special, he was Mafumafu, and because he felt the same. Shifting his head a little bit so he could peek at Soraru, he just stared at his face, trying to burn the side view of Soraru's face into his mind. Like how pretty the line of his jaws are, the tiny little bump over his throat that makes Mafu blush when Soraru picks up his cup to drink his tea as he watched it bob up and down, and how there's a mole on Soraru's neck where Mafu would love to plant a kiss over.
"... What are you doing, Mafumafu?"
Mafu widened his eyes in shock, realizing what he just did. He quickly pushed himself away from Soraru, and covered the blankets entirely over himself, hiding his face from Soraru.
"I-I'm sorry, that was an accident so please forget about it," he stuttered. He could feel himself shaking under the blankets, not because of the cold but because he was afraid that Soraru would start avoiding him after this. He didn't want any of this to happen but he couldn't seem to have controlled himself when he was drowned by Soraru's kindness.
"Mafumafu,"
"I think I'll use Soraru-san's bed after all!" he said after he let out an awkward laugh. Mafu immediately stood up on his feet, constantly keeping the blankets over his face. "Soraru-san should rest too, so come on,"
He didn't want to be by Soraru's side at the moment but since he was going to use his bed, and the both of them were exhausted, of course he would ask Soraru if he wanted to join him. If Soraru agreed, how awkward it would be for the both of them after Mafu left kisses on Soraru's neck without his own conscience?
"I'm sorry, Mafumafu. I'm afraid I can't do that," Soraru turned away from Mafu and back to his computer. "You can use the bed for as long as you want, I'll be fine with the couch here,"
He felt his heart shatter into bits and pieces when Soraru rejected him. It felt worse than dealing with the awkwardness in the same space. Before he knew it, big drops of tears started streaming down his face. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to stay but he couldn't bring himself to leave.
Maybe because he was being loud, Soraru finally looked his way, shocked.
"Mafumafu, why are you crying?" Soraru tried unwrapping Mafu out of the blankets but Mafu pulled the blankets out of Soraru's hands, pushed him away, and ran to sit in the corner of the room. He rolled himself into a ball, hugging his knees to his chest, letting out shaky breaths.
"Mafumafu..." even without having to bring his head up or remove the covers from his face, he knew Soraru was currently kneeling in front of him with a worried look on his face.
"... I'm sorry I did that all of a sudden, and I know that it would be awkward for us both to be in the same room, but when I think about you feeling all disgusted by my actions, I got scared...!" He hated how his tears wouldn't stop pouring out of his eyes because he didn't want to trouble Soraru. But it just wouldn't let him. "I don't want to get hated by Soraru-san..."
He whimpered quietly as he took in a deep breath.
Then he felt Soraru's hand on top of his head, feeling his warmth through the blankets. Mafu flinched at his touch at first then eventually calmed down when Soraru started petting him. It was like how he usually touches him, gentle as always. He heard Soraru draw a breath before he said:
"You've got it all wrong, Mafu,"
It was the first time he heard Soraru call him "Mafu" instead of "Mafumafu", he pulled the blankets away from his face, and stared up at Soraru, confused. It was stupid of him to do so because then Soraru would be able to see how hideous he looked with his red, swollen eyes, and tear stains all over his face.
But he hadn't the time to care about his appearance because he needed to know what Soraru meant by that.
"... I didn't want to join you in the bedroom because I don't know if I could control myself if I did,"
Mafu still couldn't figure out what in the actual world was going on. Was he hearing Soraru right? Could he possibly be allowed to think of this as the best dream he ever dreamt of? If he were allowed to ask what Soraru meant by 'controlling himself'?
"Looking at your reaction, I became a hundred percent sure that you have no idea why I'm saying this right now," Soraru smiled wryly, cupping Mafu's face in his palms as he rubbed away his tears with his thumbs. Mafu closed his eyes when Soraru ran his thumbs over his swollen eyes. "I can never understand how dense you could be but I guess that's also what I like about you," he shook his head as he pinched Mafu's cheeks in between his fingers.
"So-Soraru-san...?" Mafu could hear his voice trembled, he couldn't believe what Soraru was saying to him right now. Which 'like' did he mean? He wanted to ask Soraru questions he would never dare bring himself to think about but calling out Soraru's name was apparently his limits.
"Every time when our eyes meet, I fall in love with you, over, and over again," he said in a shaky voice. Soraru closed in, resting his forehead against Mafu's, their lips a few inches apart, so close yet so far. "And it reminds me of how much I love you," Mafu heard him whisper, causing his ears to tingle in response.
He could see his own reflection in Soraru's eyes, and he bet his reflected Soraru's too. It was the first time he saw Soraru like this; nervous, wary, and desperate, all at the same time. Carefully, Mafu gripped onto Soraru's sleeves, which gained his attention. Soraru let out a chuckle and before Mafu could say anything, he dropped a feather light kiss on Mafu's lips, catching Mafu off guard.
It was a really, really light one. And with only this, Mafu could already feel himself melting into Soraru's arms.
"What am I to do with you when we do something even more intense than this in the future?" Soraru chuckled again, planting another kiss on his cheeks.
"... Soraru-san, is this a dream?" Mafu reached out to touch Soraru's face, pinching and pulling at them to see if everything was real because things were clearly incredibly unreal for him right now. "I'm still awake, right?"
He felt Soraru's lips on his again, and again, receiving a peck after another when he tried to insist that this was a dream. He tried pushing Soraru's face away but he gave out when suddenly Soraru leaned in to deepen the kiss, feeling him suck on his tongue demandingly. The kiss felt so tremendously good Mafu couldn't feel his body. It was as if all of his nerves were gathered onto his lips to feel all of Soraru. Soraru then snaked his arms around Mafu's waist, and Mafu could feel that he was being lifted up slightly in the air before he was seated nicely on Soraru's lap.
"It's not a dream, Mafumafu," Soraru said breathlessly the instant he broke the kiss. "I love you so much that I couldn't bring myself to ruin our current relationship because I wanted you to stay by my side,"
"... Me too,"
"Really?"
Mafu nodded, receiving a kiss from Soraru immediately after due to glee.
"I love you, Soraru-san,"
"Mm, I love you more than you love me,"
"That's not fair!"
Mafu held Soraru's face in his hands, and kissed him at the corner of his lips. He immediately let go of a surprised Soraru, got up from Soraru's lap, running into Soraru's bedroom. He could hear Soraru laughing, and Mafu was somehow glad that he was able to amuse him.
"Don't you dare come into this room!" he yelled and slammed the door shut. With his back facing the door, he leaned onto it, and slowly slid down onto the ground. Mafu could feel his face burning up when he thought about the kisses he shared with Soraru, especially the deeper one. This had to be a dream. A really good dream, that's right.
As he let his train of thoughts wreck his brain, a piece of note was slid from underneath the door into the room, and Mafu knew instantly that it was Soraru's writing.
'I'll be making us some hot stew for dinner so go to sleep, I'll wake you up later in an hour,'
Ah, so it was a dream! There was no way Soraru could be a romanticist! But that apparently wasn't the end of the note. It said to flip to the back, and when Mafu did, he didn't have to see himself to know that he was blushing.
'Thank you for choosing me. I promise to make you happy. Love, Soraru,'
How was he supposed to go to sleep now?
END
A/N: I promised @iwantmelon that i would write her something on her birthday and made her wait for this long because I didn't have the time, neither did I have the energy to write. But better late than never, right? Once again wishing you happy birthday even though it's already January.
I lost my touch in writing an A/N. And yeah, this does remind me of a chapter I wrote from last year.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!