POV | Yeji
(Edited 5/2/2023)
"I just don't get it, why is she so mean?" I pause, eating with my chopsticks, "I'm trying to be nice to her but all she does is just get all annoyed and say that we never include her, like come on, you're my best friend, and like I'd do anything for Minju, but right now she's being a total bitch."
Ryujin nods her head, across from me, eating her food.
I cover my mouth, "I'm sorry, this was supposed to be a dinner date with us, I shouldn't be talking about Minju."
Ryujin blinked innocently, "No, it's okay. I'm here to listen."
I bit my lip, "Ryu, what do you think about it?"
She saw me biting my lip and she swallowed, "Yeddeong, your food is getting cold and you're getting stressed, please eat. I'll talk while you eat, alright?"
I sigh, "Is my mom still on you about me eating?"
Ryujin gave me a look, "It doesn't matter if she is telling me or not, it's my job to take care of you."
I took a deep breath, "Okay, tell me.."
She looked around, "I think she may have something going on. I mean it's not like she used to act like this on a daily basis, right?" My girlfriend paused, "It could be that she really does feel like you guys exclude her and in that situation, all you can do is reassure her she's fine and on board with you guys, and if she chooses to believe you're not, then that's it. I know she's your bestfriend, but sometimes things drift or take a break. Or... there's something else that's happening and she's just blaming it on that, which could be a good excuse or something."
"So which situation do you think has the highest possibility of what's happening?" I ask, taking more bites of food.
"I think it's the last one but really could be any one, I'm not sure," She shrugs. Ryujin fixed her hair, "How is it? Does it taste good?"
I nod, taking smaller bites which she noticed.
Damnit.
The black-haired girl picked up an eggroll and put it to my mouth, making me eat it. "What are you going to do, then?" She asked.
I cover my mouth again, and mumble, "Probably have a deep and intimate conversation with her to fix it."
She moved my hair out of the way from chewing, "Good. You have anything else you wanna talk about?"
I furrowed my eyebrows, "Yeah, actually. I'm sorry I've been distant for a minute. I'm glad we're going on this date, though. I miss you so much."
Ryujin reached across the table, kissing my lips, "Don't worry about it, you know I'll always try my best to understand, baby."
I nod, "And.. I'm.. I'm a little jealous.."
She raised her eyebrows, "Of what? Who?"
I scratched my head, "I know I haven't been around as much so I know that like this is on me, kind of, anyway I'm just kinda jealous of how you've been treating the other girls like me. Like baby, hugs, clinginess, and I know that's how you are and I get I haven't been around but sometimes I am there and I feel like I'm losing you."
Ryujin opened her mouth, "Uhm.. you're not.. losing me.. Yeji.."
I bit my lip, starting to get stressed again.
"What do you mean? Like how I called Lia baby the other day? It was for the video, Yeji," She gave a little chuckle.
I blink, my feelings a little hurt that she wasn't taking it serious because there are other times that aren't for camera purposes. I stayed quiet, staring at my food.
"I can't talk for you." Ryujin suddenly says.
I open my mouth then take a shaky breath, "I-I know.. but it wasn't very pleasant to hear, that and other times you act without cameras."
She took a sip of her drink, "Well I love you and I'm dating you, you're my number 1."
She just wasn't listening so I gave it up.
"Are you gonna finish it?" Ryujin asks.
"You.. you can have it.."
She looks at that plate, "Okay, it looks like you ate the amount you need to.." She then took it and finished mine. I just fiddled with my fingernails and waited until the server came back with Ryujin's credit card. And soon, just that, occurred, and Ryujin took my hand, taking me out of restaurant. "Do you wanna walk?"
I nod, looking around at the stores on the street we were on, and let her hold me.
Why did she laugh and like not accept what I said?
She could've said yes, I'll stop or just even recognize it!
Ryujin is usually great at recognizing wrongs so it made me uneasy or as if she's trying to say I'm wrong. But I just, I just know!
"Yeji," Ryujin's raised voice got me out of my head.
I turn my head, "Y-yeah?"
She blinked, "I asked you if you wanted to go get ice cream."
I lick my lips, "I'm good. It's getting kind of late."
She stopped walking and raised her eyebrows at me, "You seriously just denied ice cream? Hwang Yeji denied ice cream?"
"Can we just go home?" I whine.
Ryujin and I walked back to the car and it was just silent throughout the ride home. As soon as she parked in our driveway, I got out, going inside, and upstairs to my room which Chaeryeong, Lia, and Yuna were in.
I blink a couple times before Lia says, "We.. found... your eating notebook..."
I gasp, "What the fuck?!"
Ryujin came upstairs quick, "What?! What's wrong?"
I was on the verge of tears so I took my girlfriend, crying in her chest.
"Yeji's anorexic..." Yuna says quietly.
Ryujin rubbed my back, "And how did you find this out?"
Lia responds, "We found her notebook on the counter... and we're not ashamed of you, Yeji, we're just shocked you haven't told us."
Ryujin spoke, "First of all, leave her stuff alone, okay? Even if you peaked to see where to put it at or who it belonged to, don't continuously look at it. She can keep things private or with limited people, if she wants to, okay?"
"Did you know?" Chaeryeong asks.
I cried, and then stepped away from her arms, "Get out of my room!!!!"
The three girls go past me and out. I could feel Ryujin's presence still in the doorway.
"What?" I look behind at her.
Ryujin says, "I'm not gonna leave you alone."
I wipe my tears, "Why do you give me attention now? Just because I'm crying?"
She coughed, "What?"
"You never give me attention when in the room with them while I'm quiet. You only do it if I cry. Why can't you... why can't you stick by my side? When it's just us, you do it, but fuck Ryujin, I need you here with me, no matter what. And I just lost everything, trust, friendship, my private eating privilege because those girls are literally demons when something is wrong with someone. And fuck then they go to my room? I literally have fucking diaries," And then I bent down and saw it was broken into, "Fuck!"
I got up, punching my wall, and hitting my head against it.
Ryujin grabbed my arms, "No, don't hurt yourself."
I yell, "What else am I supposed to do?! God!" I let go, looking through my drawers.
"What are you looking for?" She rushed over.
"A knife," I hiss and Ryujin stood in front of me, holding my arms, "No, no Yeji. I'm a fucking dumbass for doing this, I can't believe it didn't click in my mind, look I am here for you no matter what, and I will get better at sticking by your side, and right now I can't have you hurt yourself."
I growl, "Ugh!"
She gripped me back from reaching in the drawers again and I had to give up eventually.
I cried, leaning down on her, all the way to the ground. "Why do they do this to me..."
She picked my body up, letting me lay like a princess, and took me into my connected bathroom. She turned on the bath water, while still holding me, "It's not fair, I know, but I can get that they feel upset you haven't told them but also what the fuck it shouldn't be their business. They can't expect you to be open about every single thing just because you live together. You know?"
"Yes, and I do feel bad because I also get how they feel but they have to respect that I have boundaries and obviously my girlfriend is going to know that I have anorexia. Ugh I hate saying that."
Ryujin kissed me, "Yes honey. And you know that I don't ever try to push push you to eat, right? I just make sure you eat enough for your body and then if there's food left, then so be it. They know nothing about it and how to handle it, they're probably just gonna be like eat all of your food, Yeji, like that doesn't work."
I nod, and let her undress me. Then she finally set me in the steamy hot tub.
Ryujin wiped my face, "Well here's a bonus of tonight, you don't have to take off your makeup."
I gave a small laugh, and looked at my lover.
She sighs, "It's gonna be hard but I'm gonna be by your side, the whole way, okay?"
We shared a long and passionate kiss with our heads nuzzling after.