Washington, D.C.
Although I was extremely exhausted from the fight today, I decided it was best for me to fly home. Yes, I flew home on Christmas Day, but what other choice did I have.
Tony and Pepper were in a really good place and I really didn't want to be there to third-wheel and potentially ruin their Christmas together. I did however go over to the hospital to visit Happy who was now awake.
I filled him in on everything that happened while he was out, but I honestly don't believe he was even listening because Downtown Abbey was playing in the background.
The flight back to D.C. was actually amazing, though. Because me and the President were staying in the same state it only made sense that we travel together. Meaning I got to fly with the President.
I was extremely honored and he even offered to reward me for the efforts made to save him. I told him I'd think about it as I was not in the mood for any extra press. Besides, as soon as I arrived home I was needed at the Triskelion the next day.
The only thing that annoyed me about that journey was the fact that he kept bringing up political ventures and asking me for advice on new policies he may put in place regarding the whole Mandarin situation. I had to politely tell him I didn't want to have any influence on the government's decision making.
I feared I would be used as a scapegoat if the people of America weren't happy, plus I didn't want to be dipping into more government organizations when I already had S.H.I.E.L.D. business to take care of.
Whilst on the flight I did think about ways I could help Tony. I know he was struggling internally and he didn't want to put the stress on Pepper. He suggested that he could talk to me, but I shut that idea down saying it would be disrespectful to his girlfriend. Plus I'd like to keep our friendship light-hearted and fun. Me, Tony and emotions don't mix well...and his birthday party proved that.
I realized that I have Sam who I dump all my problems onto, so I figured that I knew exactly who Tony could confide in when times got tough for him:
"Hello?" I said, my phone raised to my ear as the person I had called has answered the phone.
"Uh, Y/N. Hi? Has something happened—?"
"Bruce, chill!" I cooed, "Nothing's wrong. Am I not allowed to call you?"
"I... I just didn't think you would call me if there wasn't a mission...and you know...you needed the big guy," Bruce explained. It upset me that Bruce felt as though we only cared about the Hulk.
"Are you for real right now?" I strained, "I just need you as a friend. Bruce, that is. Not the Hulk."
"Is there a catch to this?" He asked cynically.
I sighed quietly, "Yes. There sorta is. But it's for Tony. He needs help. He's been struggling a lot since New York and he needs someone to confide in."
"And you can't do it yourself because...?"
"I have a lot of stuff going on myself. And I don't really want to be dealing with Tony's issues on top of that," I said truthfully.
"I do have seven PhD's," Banner started, "But counseling isn't one of them. I'm not that kind of doctor, Y/N."
"It's not counseling. It's more like being a listening, caring friend," I explained, trying to make the job sound more appealing. Bruce, however, did not respond. "Please, Bruce. It's for Tony."
There was silence once again. I chewed at my thumbnail waiting for a response from Bruce. He was the closest person from the Avengers who could help Tony. I knew they bonded well during the Loki scandal and I knew he would be a much better help than me.
"I'll do it," Bruce peeped so quietly, but it was already quiet enough that I heard it perfectly.
"Shut up!" I exclaimed so loudly the President turned to face me, startled by my sudden outburst. I lowered the phone away from my ear and whispered, "Sorry," before raising it back up again to hear Bruce's reply.
"Yes... Yeah. I'll do it. For Tony." He emphasized.
Now that I had gotten Tony out of the way, I needed to deal with Lewis. Rhodes told me I need to put myself first and that wasn't being selfish. I had dedicated too much of the last 3 years to Lewis's cause already. My efforts had been recognized and it was time to focus other things.
My life had taken a completely different route; a route I never planned on. But I always believed that everything happens for a reason, and I was put on the path that I needed to follow. For a while, I was putting my energy into the wrong things; one of those things being a relationship I didn't need.
I had already planned what I was going to do and say, I felt a plan was necessary when talking to Lewis because he loved to divert.
Once we had landed in D.C., the secret service escorted me home. I took deep breathes and braced myself, as I had finally reached the outside of mine and Lewis's apartment. It was soon going to be solely my apartment, since Lewis has never paid a single penny towards the rent.
Stepping out of the secret service vehicle, I thanked the driver before my feet hit the sidewalk. The air was crisp, the December cold instantly biting at any part of my skin that was exposed. It didn't help that it was 6 am and pitch black outside.
I shivered and then sighed, barely seeing the warm air escape my nose and mouth. I unlocked the door and began climbing the staircase up to my house. I took the time to steady my heart rate as I reached the door. Just let it out. Get everything off your chest, I told myself.
I opened the door before I changed my mind and hung the keys up next the entrance with the rest of them. Lewis must've been fast asleep when I had arrived because everything was completely silent, except for the quiet buzz that came from the fairy lights that were wrapped around the Christmas tree.
I honestly didn't know where to start. Firstly, I was exhausted and I just wanted to get some shut-eye, however, I knew if I went to bed I would push back the break-up and I wanted it over and done with now. I resorted to waking Lewis up now. After all it was Christmas morning and he should've been up earlier anyway.
Slipped my shoes off at the door and crept over to Lewis's room. I opened the door softly, ensuring that the bolts didn't creek, and tiptoed up to the bed he was sleeping on.
I just stood there for a moment watching him. His curls covering his eyes as he lay there, mouth slightly open and he snored quietly. I had completely forgotten Lewis was an extremely light sleeper, as his eyes bolted open and he lay there stunned. It must've taken him a few seconds to catch his bearings and realize it was me standing here.
"Y/N? You're back!" He croaked, slowly sitting up on this elbows so he could see me better, "What time is it? I thought you supposed to be coming back tomorrow."
"It's six o'clock in the morning... Christmas morning," I informed him as I took a seat on the edge of the bed and faced him, "I know I was meant to back yesterday, but stuff came up..."
"Well, your okay now, right?" He asked, leaning in slowly to put his arm around me, or maybe even kiss me.
I pulled back rapidly, not wanting to be deterred away from what I initially wanted to do, "Lewis, why are we still together?" I asked, jumping straight into the matter.
He was taken aback but the question. Even in the dark I could just about see the confusion written over his face, "Because we love each other...?" He stated, but even he didn't sound so sure.
"Well... I don't think we do," I said admitted so quietly it sounded like a whisper.
"What...what do you mean by that?" He stuttered, still flustered by my comment. I was surprised that he was surprised. We haven't been actively acting like a couple and we haven't really kissed or even slept together in a while.
"What I mean is that we aren't right for each other," I began, "We aren't on the same page anymore. You're at home and you want me at home with you. Whereas I'm needed out there, S.H.I.E.L.D. needs me; the world needs me. I can't be pinned down by you."
"Pinned down by me? Are you saying it's my fault?" He snapped, which startled me. What I was saying wasn't supposed to come out that way.
"No, no," I held my hands out, "I'm saying you deserve better. You deserve a girl who is calm, who had time for you. I can't be that girl."
There was silence in the room for a while. The lull was creating a tension that swallowed me up inside. I desperately wanted him to say something, but I didn't want to hear it. Finally, the quiet was interrupted:
"Where is all of the coming from, Y/N?" He asked, "There's someone else isn't there?"
I gasped out loud at the accusation, "You seriously think I'm breaking up with you because I have feelings for someone else?!" I laughed because saying it out loud sounded extremely dumb.
"Yeah, I do!" He yelled, "So who is it? Is it Tony Stark? Huh? Is it one of your Avenger friends?"
"Fuck you, Lewis!" I fumed, "I wanted this to be simple. We. Are. Not. Right. For. Each. Other!" I spelled out, clapping my hands between each word. It infuriated me that Lewis always found a way to bring my friends into this.
"I don't like how this is has come outta thin air, like, do you just wanna be free? Do you want a free pass so you can go out and fuck you friends without worrying about me?!" He accused.
My leg bounced in anger. I wanted to just punch him in the face but I knew with his temper he wouldn't hesitate to hit me back, "I just want to end this. I care about how you feel but I need to start caring about my own feelings."
"But I've been going to therapy for you! To keep us together!" He screeched, pointed his finger at me with hostility.
"That wasn't for us, it was for you," I confessed, "I knew you weren't coping and that was supposed to help you. I thought that maybe it would work for us in the long run but nothing's changed for me."
The both of us zoned out of the conversation completely. Neither of us looked at one another as we both began to think. I wondered if this was the wrong time to say something, but I also was relieved that some weight was lifted from my shoulders and nothing was sitting on my chest anymore.
"So, what do we do now?" Lewis asked quietly.
I held my head in my hands as I replied, "We go our separate ways."
"I don't have a job. I can't just leave. I'd be out on the streets, Y/N," Lewis reminded me.
I sighed, "Fine. You keep this room and I keep my own. We can be roommates and nothing more."
"And what happens if one of us moves on?" He asked the burning question.
"We're both gonna promise that no matter what we do or who we see, they are never to step foot in this apartment," I stated holding my pinkie finger out for Lewis to hook, "You have a one-night stand, you go their house. You get a girlfriend, you meet up anywhere but this house. It's only fair for the other person."
Lewis joined his pinkie with mine, securing the deal.
I felt that it would be unfair to have new flings and/or partners hanging around the house while the other person is presumably single. The worse part was I believed that I was more likely to move on quicker than Lewis ever would, and I knew he would be broken if he found out I was seeing other people.
As well as the pinkie promise I made with Lewis I made an oath to myself that I would never let Lewis know of any of these flings or one night stands I had with any else if I ever did. I knew it would send him over the edge and I didn't want to be dealing with the fallout.
"Well, Merry fucking Christmas!" Lewis exclaimed sarcastically before springing out of bed and walking into the bathroom, leaving me in his bed alone.
I flopped down on the bed and sighed deeply. It was finally the start of a new chapter in my life. One where Lewis wasn't the main character:
It was time for me to be Air Blade...