Broken In Love

Chapter 76

Dean's POV

My eyes shot open and the headache came almost automatically. I looked around. Damn, where the hell was I?

"Finally awake I see."

Damn. Fucking Seth.

I leaned up from the floor. "What the hell?"

"You made your girl pretty mad last night." He handed me a cup of water.

Last night. I didn't remember a damn thing. Well.....I remembered her telling me to hit her if that made me 'feel better'. Why the fuck would that make me feel better? My love for her.....it was so much fucking love. That's all I had for that girl. Why the fuck would I want to hit her to make me 'feel better'? Just her saying those words to me drove a knife through my heart. Had I really pushed her so far into saying those things?

"What happened last night?"

"Well, first of all, you showed up at my doorstep wanting to get all boozed up. She came around 3:15 in the morning cause I called her saying I had you here. You told her to leave. So she did."

"Why the fuck would you call her?"

"Cause she's my friend, Dean. And knowing Charlie, she was probably worried sick about you."

"Well now......"

"Just go to her and stop complaining."

"I can't."

"And why not?"

"She told me to fucking hit her, Seth! She thought hitting her was what I wanted to do."

"Maybe because you were fucking screaming at her like a lunatic."

"Because she was with you. And you want her."

"And that's not her fault!" He snapped. "I want to at least be friends with Charlie and she wants the same thing. Stop trying to control her."

The dickhead had a point, but that didn't mean I hated him any less. In fact, why was I with him anyway.

"I can't see her. I just can't." And I couldn't. I couldn't get that poor little voice out of my mind screaming at me to hurt her. I wanted to throw up just thinking about it.

I just needed some space. I'd go back to my hotel room and chill there with Roman until I could see her.

As I opened the door to our hotel room. Wow........just my fucking luck.

She lied on the couch, on her side with a blanket pulled up to her chest.

"She was worried about you." Roman appeared from the hallway. "She asked if she could stay here. What did you say to her, Dean?"

I sighed, "I was just being my dumb, drunk self."

"Heard you were with Seth." He gave me a disapproving look before walking into the kitchen.

"Listen, if it makes things better, I don't even remember why I went to him in the first place." I said. It was frustrating me too.

"You've been different, Dean."

"No I haven't."

"No matter how much you wanna deny it, you weren't this cruel to her before......."

"I'm not cruel to her!" I snapped.

"Really? Outright yelling at her then getting drunk and telling her to leave?"

"I......"

"You can't just yell at her whenever the fuck you want. She's too sweet for that. And she shouldn't feel like she needs to be afraid to make you upset every time she says or does something."

"She told me to hit her, Roman." I shook my head, staring at the ground. "Why would she......."

"You've been treating her like crap, Dean. And yeah, I know you've been having a tough time with the whole baby situation, but that was her baby too. She's just as scarred as you are."

"I just.......it just keeps replaying over and over again in my mind. The thought if him cutting into her. My girl. He could've killed her and I wasn't around to protect her. That's my fault. I should've been there and I wasn't."

"Dean," he said placing a hand on my shoulder, "there was nothing you could do. We looked for her for hours and couldn't find her. You tried. You can't just blame yourself."

"SHE COULD'VE DIED!"

I quickly looked over at my girl who was still in a deep sleep.

"Dean, you need to get some help."

"I don't need fucking help!" I snapped.....quieter this time.

"Oh yeah? Then what was that little episode in the hall yesterday. Keeping her away from a business meeting."

"I can't let her anywhere around them."

"You can't stop her!" Roman said. "Catch your head, Dean. This is her life too!"

He walked back into his room, leaving me there to suffocate in the room with what seemed like closing walls.