Fighting Fate

38. Good Years

"Oh my god" he smiles and leans forwards so he can keep his hand there comfortably. "This is incredible."

"I know right."

"Does it feel weird?"

I shake my head. "No, it feels comforting. I know somebody kicking you doesn't sound pleasant, but I love feeling her move. It's my only form of communication with her right now."

"The kicks are stronger than I had imagined."

"You've never felt a baby kick before?"

He shakes his head. "No, baby Styles is the first."

"Obviously I have to run it by Harry, but how would you feel about being her Godfather?" I keep thinking of the godparent's for our daughter. The female will be either Gemma or Rachel but the godfather is something I haven't been as sure of. Zayn's name keeps popping into my head though. He would be my first choice as the godfather of our baby girl. 

Zayn's eyes widen and he stares at me blankly for a moment before looking back at my stomach. "Shit, I don't know Hailey. That's huge."

"You were the first person that came to mind."

He smiles at me with so much light in his eyes. He looks genuinely happy to hear that. I haven't seen him look this way in months. 

"Does that mean I have to change nappies and stuff?"

I laugh. "Only the shitty one's."

He shakes his head in disagreement. "That can be Harry's job."

"Please tell him that."

"I appreciate you asking me that Hailey, you have no idea how much that means to me. I just don't know if I'd be good enough. This little girl is so special and I don't think I'm good enough. I always fuck shit up."

I shake my head. "No you don't."

He scoffs. "I do."

"Why do you think you would stuff her up?"

He shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know. Knowing me I would miss her first birthday because I'm having a fucking mental breakdown or something fucked up along those lines."

I place my hand on top of his. "Zayn, being her godfather isn't going to put pressure on you. Yeah, I would love for you to be there on her first birthday and I would love for you to see her grow up because I think you would be a great role model for her. But I don't want you to feel like there are expectations you need to live up to."

"How am I a great role model? I am covered in tattoos, smoke, am high half the time, I drink a lot and I'm a depressed son of a bitch."

"You have always been so good to your sisters. You've been a fatherly figure for them. You wanted to become a professional singer to earn enough money so that you could buy your family a home. Your heart is so big, you have no idea how much love is inside of it. You give the best advice. Whenever I have felt down, you will do everything in your power to cheer me up. You have always been there for me, no matter what. You have so much kindness in you, you just don't see it. You always see the good in people and you are a person I want to be around. I want my daughter to experience what I have experienced with you. Your kindness is so pure."

Zayn opens his arms and I lean into him whilst he hugs me. "I love you Hailey, you're a very special person to me."

"I love you too, never forget that."

"Can I show you something?"

We end our embrace and I lean away from him. "Yeah, what is it?"

He stands up and holds his hands out to me. "Are you able to come for a walk?"