"Keeping you as a trainee is useless because you are basically our ace and have the skills to even debut as a soloist, so I wanted you to join the girls of ResQ."
*To read this book you don't need to read the previous two as you will be able to unde...
We were staying at the Shangri-la hotel and the company had just booked a room with two beds, so the three of us would be sleeping in the same room. Obviously, I would be sleeping with Feng Mian and Jisung would get a bed for himself, which didn't seem that fair taking into account he was just tagging along and not working.
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"Tell me again why I agreed to you coming?" I said as I took out my clothes from the suitcase and put them on the wardrobe.
Feng Mian had left to do some things while we unpacked, so we were completely alone in the room.
"Oh, come on! You know I will make this trip ten times better," he joked. "You don't have work until tomorrow, right?"
"No, only Feng Mian has to do something because she needs to check everything before tomorrow just in case there is any change of plans or anything like that," I told him.
"Then let's go out for dinner," he said. "Have you ever been to Beijing before?"
"Jisung, my parents are both from Beijing. I have been here a bunch of times," I told him.
"Well, you've never told me and I don't yet know how to read minds," he pointed out. "Then it's a yes?"
"I would love to, but I don't want to leave Feng Mian alone. She told me she has never been to Beijing before. She's from Shanghai," I explained. "We still can go out another time, though! It's not like this will be the last time we come here!"
Jisung then visibly sulked and laid down on his bed, taking his headphones out and putting them on, just like he had done in the plane.
Guessing he was upset, I approached him and laid down right next to him so our faces were inches from each other, but he turned to face the other way.
"Don't get mad!" I said cutely grabbing his arm but he didn't flinch. "Are you seriously that mad about it?"
"No, I'm okay," he just said standing up. "I will go to the bathroom. If Feng Mian comes back, tell her I will continue unpacking later."
When he left, I just laid down on my back and sighed. Jisung had already said he liked me but I didn't know in what way he meant it. We weren't a couple but we weren't friends either and we didn't fit at all in the 'friends-with-benefits' category either, so I didn't know how to really act around him or what to say in this type of situations. I wasn't ready to start a relationship yet and I didn't want to give him false hopes, but I also didn't want to see him hurt because of me.
"God, why is it so difficult?!"
ººº
Later that night, Feng Mian, Jisung and I decided to go out for dinner and we all went to a restaurant I really loved that wasn't that far away from the hotel and where I had been a couple of times with my parents. It wasn't luxurious at all, but the food was really tasty and I wanted to show them that hidden treasure of the city.
"Woah! This is amazing!" Jisung said as he ate what Feng Mian and I had ordered. "Why haven't I eaten this before?"
"It seems you are really enjoying the food," Feng Mian said and chuckled before turning to me. "You were right: this place is really a hidden treasure."
"I haven't been to Beijing that many times but I have tried to make sure to remember as much as I could about it. After all, it's technically my home city even if I don't have the Chinese citizenship," I told her.
"Oh, right, you had to give up the Chinese citizenship in order to have the British one, right?" she asked me.
"Yes. Since my parents had pretty clear that they would be staying in the UK for pretty much the rest of their life, they wanted me to have the British one," I explained. "I feel more British than I feel Chinese, to be honest, so it's not a big deal for me. As long as I know and remember where I come from and where my roots lay, then it's all okay."
"That was actually really deep and sweet," Feng Mian told me. "Let's hope China welcomes you warmly."
"Yes, let's hope so!" I said trying to stay positive.
China was kind of bittersweet to me. When I was young, I used to hate going there because that meant I had to leave my "friends" even if it was for a few weeks. Later on, when I started getting bullied at my school, it became almost like an escape for me as it was the only time where I didn't have to worry about anyone making fun of me. When I got scouted by SM, I had no idea about what KPop even was but I still decided to join as it was a way for me to finally live my dream while also leaving behind all of my toxic "friends" and all of the people who let me down.
Throughout SM, I got to meet many people from China (like Kun and Winwin) and started to love the country more and more, but then again I remembered how SM had so much trouble with Chinese artists and felt like what was supposed to be my home country was out of reach for me.
"I'm sure they will love you," Jisung said. "You get what you give and your love for this country is undeniable. I'm sure they feel that too and welcome you very warmly."
"He's right. We need to be positive!" Feng Mian agreed with him. "Tomorrow may be your Chinese debut in a way, but I'm sure everyone here will love you. Mark my words."
They were both right. I had to show them I didn't come to China to play but rather to fully be able to showcase the real me to the public with no fear of messing up. I could show how proud I finally was starting to be about myself and how proud I was of joining ResQ. I had to let the people see what the new Alix was all about and show them I didn't come to play.
