Stay - Stray Kids Han Jisung FF (RESQ SAGA PART 3)

33.

"... and then when we were at the door he just wouldn't let me come in because he kept playfully tugging my arm. After that, he just kissed my forehead and left," I finished telling Soojin. "That's all there is to it. It isn't that interesting, I know."

Soojin then started squealing and I nearly had a heart attack because I wasn't expecting it at all. She even grabbed a nearby pillow and squealed onto it to not make too much noise and disturb the other girls.

"What's gotten into you?" I said chuckling. "You sound like a dying cat!"

"Are you kidding me, Alix?! That was literally the most romantic thing I have ever heard in my entire life! It sounds like a scene from a movie every single person wants to be a part of!" she told me.

"Romantic? What? We were just out as friends," I told her. "Not everything has to be romantic in this life when two people go out alone."

"Sure, say whatever you want but that was romantic. You aren't going to change my mind," she told me. 

We then fell into a comfortable silence as we both laid down on the couch facing the ceiling. Soojin had picked up the beer bottle and was looking at it and spinning it around while I picked up my music notebook and looked at what I had written down. I didn't mind it so I let her do it but I knew she was thinking about all that I had told her.

"Alix, can you be honest with me for a second?" she asked me.

"Sure, what's wrong?" I told her while still looking through the notebook.

"Do you like Jisung?" she finally asked. "I don't necessarily mean it as in you are completely head over heels for him, but do you have any feelings whatsoever towards him?"

When she said that, I immediately sat down properly and looked at her wide-eyed but she was unbothered looking at the bottle still.

"W-why are you asking me this now?" I asked her confused. 

She finally sat down after that and turned towards me with a small smile. I really couldn't tell if she was asking me to laugh at me or simply because she wanted to know. In that sense we were both very similar; we were both really good with poker faces.

"I just... I just objectively think that you both really are good together, you know? Jisung has been very happy recently and you seem to be on a kind of better mood too," she explained. "While I worry a lot about you, I think you will also understand that I have been his friend for a long time and I am very aware that one of the reasons why he has been a little under the weather was because of me."

"He really likes you, you know?" I told her. "Although he told me that he was getting over you now for real."

"That's good, but I didn't ask you that," she told me. "You are evading my question, Alix. Do you have feelings towards Jisung?"

I really didn't know if I wanted to tell her because I wanted to get over him, so admitting it wouldn't really work in my favour. Still, Soojin felt like someone I could trust and I really needed someone I could talk to about these things. 

"I... I think so, yes," I admitted and sat down looking at the wall because I couldn't look at her. "I'm not going to let my feelings rule over my head. Music and my career are my priorities and I shouldn't be so selfish after working so hard. I brought my past relationship to an end precisely to be able to fully focus on it, so I won't make the mistake only to later regret it."

"Alix, although I think your reason is very much acceptable, I also can't say I agree with it at all," she said sitting on the table so she was in front of me and I was forced to look at her. "We aren't robots, Alix. Feelings are what make us human and you shouldn't ignore them all of the time and much less if those feelings are for someone and that someone is someone who makes you happy."

"But we have only known each other for a few months. You don't get to know a person fully in such a short time and there is no way you can develop real, strong feelings," I reasoned. "I'm sure that the only reason why I'm even mildly interested in him is that he was the first one I talked to and opened up to when I joined you. You even saw it not that long ago, I told Winwin I loved him over the phone."

"But have you noticed that you've never done it again?" she said and I looked at her confused. "I don't know if you or the other girls noticed, but you never did it again after that. Whenever he ended the call with an 'I love you' you just simply said goodbye and hung up. You unconsciously even know that things are no longer like they were. You have changed a lot, Alix, and with it your feelings."

"So what do you want me to do, then? To hurt myself?" I told her. "Shall I go upstairs and tell someone who very literally said not that long ago that, in the end, he didn't need anyone else to get over you that I like him? I'm crazy, Soojin. Not suicidal. I won't be so foolish as to hurt myself. I would much rather remain a robot."

"You are stupid, that is what you are," she said standing up. "Can't you see yourself right now? There is not a set time needed for someone to fall in love or like someone. Love doesn't have a flipping manual that you can go to with things like this. Everyone is different.

"Don't you see that this way you are hurting yourself more. Why won't you let yourself be happy? I'm not saying you should confess to him right now, I'm just telling you to acknowledge your feelings and let them be. Are you saying that just focusing on music is much better? That you will progress in your career much quicker that way? Then on my behalf and Mika's I will tell you to fuck off, thank you."

With that, she simply left the room and closed the door with a loud thud that I was sure would wake up all of the girls.

Way to go, Alix. Way to go.