Writer Games | Masquerade of Martyrs & Family Ties

Task One: The Decision - Scores

In case you couldn't tell, some entries don't have very developed notes. It's a trouble with handing in at the last minute.

[D1 Male] Howl Labyrine - 11 (Sponsored by Vienna)

Notes: Really strong  entry. Was considering giving a 12, but then there was that one  homophone that made it so I'd never hear the end of it. Loved the  thought into what a Career was after a Games: empty.
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[D1 Female] Virgo Alizé [1] - 10

Notes: I really enjoy  the way you write Virgo in the sense that you don't use her age as an  excuse to make her dumb. A lot of writers like to make young cheaters  who are cute and clueless and very little else, but there are plenty of  insightful ten year-old girls just like Rosie out there. That and the  interactions made for a very realistic entry, right up until the debates  started. At that point it seemed like you were trying too hard to make a  conflict and completely fell into what I like to call "soap opera  writing". Be wary of it.
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[D2 Male] Winchester Rifle II [8] - 8

Notes: Great idea. I  loved to see someone actually write plans that had most likely been made  by families in advance. However I felt you changed scenes too fast and  this made the pace seem very rushed and abrupt.
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[D2 Female] Damaris Sultari - 10 (Sponsored by Attina)

Notes: There's something  very refreshing about your style in the sense that it's very clear and  entirely your own. The quiet and more subdued humour behind the family's  interactions; I've always the thought the key to humour is forcing  interactions between characters who naturally clash. There were a few  technically issues here in there, like a slight tendency to  over-narrate, but they were fairly negligible.
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[D3 Male] Fidelis Teague [3] - 11 (Sponsored by Cicero)

Notes: This piece,  though like the others contained drama and tragedy in the core of its  event, stood out because of how subdued said drama and tragedy was. The  last time you wrote a first task for me, I told you to watch out for  melodrama/lack of realism, which you clearly did; it really gained power  in its subtlety. The one point I'd suggest improving would be to show  us rather than tell. You had many great opportunities to mention a  situation where his other family members were more useful, but you  instead decided to simply say they were.
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[D3 Female] Tesla Slater - 8

Notes: There were quite a  few good things in this entry. The description was great; your  narrative voice and steam of consciousness in characterization is  excellent. However, there are too many basic errors for this to score  higher - particularly when it comes to dialogue. There is a lot that  needs doing as far as tagging goes: there should be very little before  dialogue and paragraphs should break when a different person speaks.  This was also a little too reliant on scene change, making it lack  slightly in development.
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[D4 Male] Negan Martin - 2

Notes: So the only  thing that stayed the same to the form was that he's married to a man.  He's supposed to be rude, but none of that actually shows. Also there  was very little to actually judge, considering that, had the  paragraphing been done right, it might have had two?
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[D4 Female] Selene Albright [5] - 10 (Sponsored by Vienna)

Notes: This was a very  good entry as far as technique was concerned, and there was a clear  person versus person conflict in their diverging opinions. However you  dedicated very little of the entry to the actual task, which I think  really should have been expanded more.
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[D5 Male] Avner Emerson - 12 (Sponsored by Cicero)