Writer Games | Masquerade of Martyrs & Family Ties

Task Seven: Songs For A Better World /SF - Voting

This decision is even  more difficult than any of the ones I've ever had to do. I knew all five  of you were really strong authors - I think pretty much everybody knows  that by now - but you all brought your best game to the table, and it  really shows. It was near impossible for me to choose a bye, rereading  each entry multiple times in the aim of finally making up my mind, and  to be honest I still wish I could've given more. But, sadly, I can't, so  instead I'm going to stall by giving you notes on what I thought of  your entry.

District One, Jamilla Argentaria - SilverAndGoldfish

Notes: Ah. Thank God for  this entry. Not because any of them were particularly stronger than the  others but because this was an entry that didn't passively slaughter my  feels by taking away the goddamn happiness. The linguistics and writing  were spectacular as always, and I loved the simplicity of it because of  how nicely it kept with the song. The spot where this particular entry  suffered was its lack of flair. This is a semis: I would've liked more  spark from you.

District Seven, Esmerelda Mae - katniss-everdeen

Notes: I need to start  by congratulating you, because it looks like you actually edited and  caught grammar mistakes. And because I did almost break with the last  line, so you were close to your goal. I liked the way you used the  nostalgia and innocence of the song I assigned you for Essie's entry,  but at the same time there was definitely a sense of struggle with the  entry - possibly because you did get one of the hardest songs. I do wish  your entry could've developed a little more to go into depth into her  feelings, but it was still strong.

District Twelve, Orion Osmont - TheDarkHorse

Notes: This was again a  very strong entry. The language and ideas were strong, and I especially  loved the way you played with the vagueness of the song to make it  eerie. As always, I enjoyed seeing the home life that you've clearly  established for Orion and its poignant realism. This would most likely  be an even stronger entry had it respected the task. However, the  happiness of the hallucination didn't come across - only the fear did.  That being said, I have to admit this song was the hardest to make  happy.

District Twelve, Hester Irving - MagmaKepner

Notes: I'm not going to  mention the grammar much, because quite frankly I don't expect anything  less from you guys at this point: there was one mild error that in no  way harmed the flow of the entry, and thus didn't effect your mark. You  very skillfully managed to combined the forced happiness of the task and  sadness of the song, while reflecting the happiness and sadness that  are in the song at the very same time. Your strongest strength - apart  from description - is your capacity to write a simple and completely  ordinary-seeming event as something completely world-shattering, and  that definitely came across nicely. However, this entry lost points in  the sense that it was lacking in substance - and I don't mean that it  was too short. The song you were assigned is a piece with a high amount  of character development, something which was very much lacking in your  entry.

Capitol, Annalise Lutz - jujukingofearth

Notes: This entry, as I  expected, was quite strong (and, as I'd accept nothing else by this  point, had clear grammar with no noticeable mistakes). The link to the  song was clear and precise and exactly what I'd imagined, despite the  fact that we hadn't discussed it in the slightest. I loved that the  hallucination, rather than be an invention, was a memory, and the  contrast between that said memory and the real life things happening  around Annalise was intelligent and also connected to the fact that the  song itself is a mix of happy escapes and real struggles. The one thing I  had to dock marks for was that by the end it was starting to feel  repetitive. The constant mentioning of escape in the end started to get a  tad preachy, as if you were trying to make the connection completely in  our faces.

And, after much deliberation, I've decided that the bye goes to Annalise Lutz.  Congratulations! The rest of you, sadly, will have to face voting. PM  me votes for the two you most hope make it to the finals, and only two  will survive. Voting closes at 3 AM GMT, but I may post later because  tech week. Good luck to all of you, and it's been an honour having you.  You may vote for yourself.

Jamilla Argentaria

Esmerelda Mae

Orion Osmont

Hester Irving