Philinda Forever - One Shots

Academy - The Story Of The Great Prank War

   Forgive me for this. I've had this draft for almost a month now. I hope it makes sense. Thank you. Its a little less romance focused and just a story about some fun that they had in the past at the Academy. I hope you enjoy it as much as I had fun writing it.

    -nightsisterkaris

     ---------- -:x:- ----------

     Dropping her books on her bed, Melinda May growled as she flopped back against her pillow. 

    "You know, you didn't have to correct the instructor." A gentle voice said. 

    "Shut it, Phil. That son of a..." She changed to Mandarin. It hadn't been kind. "He thinks I'm less than just because I'm a Girl, and Chinese." May hissed.

    "So you punched him in the face, broke his nose, judo-flipped him, and stepped on his head." Phil finished. May glared. She knew what she had done. "I know it was extremely rude of him, but maybe you shouldn't maim your instructor just because he was sexist and racist. Just prove him wrong."

    "Oh I proved him wrong alright." May sighed. "My own combat instructor couldn't keep up with me." She let a small smile show. "I even gave him fair game to defend himself." She tried to justify her actions. 

   "And got in trouble." Phil finished.

   "It was worth it." May sighed. 

   "It won't be worth it if your grades are docked." Phil warned, leaning against the wall. He was still bruised and sore from the field combat session that day. Phil and Melinda were friends, but she wasn't afraid to beat the crap out of him. And she did. Every single lesson.

    "I'll just be the best." May told him. "They can't refuse me if I'm the best." 

    "You're already the best." Phil joked.

    "Hey, you're not to bad either." May smirked.

    "Well that's just mean." Phil pouted. "I cant fight and you know it."

    "I'm here to be mean." May laughed.

    "Ha ha." Phil sarcastically laughed.

     Dragging over one of her books, May grabbed a pen, and looked at her homework. "This looks long." She observed. "Let's do it later. We're gonna go prank Sitwell and Garret." She decided.

    -:x:-

    Carefully applying the super glue to the back of the quarter, Melinda stuck it to the tile on the floor in front of Sitwell and Garret's dorm room. Snickering as she imagined the thrifty man's frustration, Melinda pressed the coin down. She loved adhesive related pranks.

    Picking the lock on the room's door, Melinda slipped inside. "Tissue paper!" She ordered, and Phil handed her the desired object. Pulling out a single piece of the thin parchment, Melinda crumpled it up and stuffed it I think toe of Sitwell's tennis shoe. She repeated the process with all of Garret and Jasper's shoes. 

   "What was that for?" Phil asked.

   "Their shoes won't fit now. They'll all seem a size to small." Melinda explained with a devilish grin, and moved over to the dorm-room's small sink.

   "What are you doing?" Phil asked. He had helped her with pranks before, from Darth Vader breathing interrupting Fury's speech via the loudspeakers to the cafeteria cooks almost having a heart attack due to the fake rubber rats.

    May's smile only got bigger. "You know how Garret only drinks tap water?"

   Phil nodded.

   "Well, first thing he does in the morning is take one of his mugs, and fills it here, from the sink. He drinks it." May told him, and opened the cabinet doors underneath the sink. "Wrench?"

   Phil handed it over.

   May crawled down, and turned off the water. Taking out a piece of the pipe, she reached into her 'prank purse' and pulled out the folded cotton. Unfolding it, she grabbed something else.

   Phil was helpless as he watched her empty a small container of salt into the fabric, folding it back up without the salt spilling, and stuffing it into the pipe. She reattached the pipe, and closed the cabinet door behind her.

   "Oh he's going to have fun when he wakes up..." May smiled.

   "Is that it?" Phil asked. Melinda nodded.

    They snuck out of the room, and returned to Melinda's.

    "Hopefully they won't notice anything when they return tonight." Melinda said. 

    They didn't. (And May and Coulson got their homework done)

    -:x:-

   The next morning, Phil came over to Melinda's dorm with two pairs of binoculars. The perched themselves in the window, and watched through Garret and Jasper's window as they reacted to each of the pranks.

   Once Garret turned the water back on, he got a cupful of salty water. 

   Jasper was freaking out about his shoes.

   And the quarter on the tile frustrated both of them.

   "Mission accomplished!" May laughed, and high-fived her partner.

   -:x:-

   "It was you, wasn't it?" Sitwell approached May at lunch.

   "Huh?" Melinda gave him an innocent smile.

    "Oh it is on!" Jasper growled.

    -:x:-

     That afternoon, May had trouble getting into her room.

     The two enraged men had glued her door shut.

    Melinda pulled some strings at the science academy, and a chemist friend whipped up a few things, plus some anti-glue.

    While Melinda's friend was dissolving the glue, Phil commed her. "Uh, hey... Can I get some help on my door?"

   May dissolved the glue on his door too.

    -:x:-

    Melinda loved picking locks. 

   And the keypads on the SHIELD Academy dorm rooms were easy for her. 

    Phil at her side again, May rewired the keypad on Sitwell and Garret's door. 

    The next time they typed in the password, instead of an approving ding before unlocking, Janet Jackson's "Scream" came wailing out of the pitiful, tiny speakers. It wouldn't shut off until the song was over. 

    And so every time they went into their room, they had to listen to the whole song before they went in.

    May got a good laugh after the first time.

    -:x:-

   This went on for a while, Melinda May and Phil Coulson Vs. John Garret and Jasper Sitwell.

    Finally, this great prank war ended when May and Coulson pulled the ultimate prank.

    Moving all their furniture and stuff somewhere else, they replaced it all with holograms that her chemist friend helped out with.

    So Jasper and John surrendered when they fell to the floor and their hands passed cleanly through the "stuff".

   -:x:-

    "That was great!" Phil and Melinda high-fived it over a drink.