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€ Deanny

I wake up holding Cas in my arms. His smell intoxicating me, he smells so good all the time. I don't know what I'm doing here. Why did I choose him? Was it his eyes, his smile, his personality? Something about him just draws me in and I can't seem to get enough of him.

I can't stay here though. I can't stay with him forever. I have to leave before I get too close. All I know is that one day I'm going to hurt him and it will kill me inside. Who could ever love a damaged person like me? I'm stupid, can't control my temper, suicidal, I'm mean, I'm downright scary.

Cas doesn't deserve this, he deserves so much more. I'm afraid I led him on too long, this wasn't my intention. I just want it to end, I don't even know why I'm so upset right now. I don't know why I'm hurting at the thought of not having this amazing person in my life anymore. I don't know why the tears are falling from my eyes suddenly.

I don't know anything.

"Dean..are you crying?" Cas' angelic voice pulls me from my thoughts.

I sniffle, wiping my eye. "Allergies."

"Dean." He quickly turns around, sitting in my lap. "What's wrong? You know you can tell me anything."

"I'm just happy." I give a slight smile.

"Happy about what?"

"That you're in my life."

He smiles widely and hugs me tightly. More tears spilling from my eyes. "I'm happy you're in my life too."

I nod against the fabric covering his chest and breathe in a deep breath. "I know you are. Just promise me something." My tone turns serious.

"Of course, anything, Dean."

"I need you to promise me that if anything happens to me, you'll move on."

"Dean." He shakes his head, confusion covering his face like a mask. "Wh-what are you talking about? You're starting to scare me."

"Don't be scared, love. Just promise me."

"No, Dean. I don't have to because nothing is going to happen to you."

"You don't know that."

"But I do, Dean." He puts both hands on my face, the warmth radiating from his skin to mine calming me. "Because I'm here."

"Not forever." I mumble, my hands taking his away from my face.

He wraps his arms around me. "Yes, I will be. That I can promise."

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