Rising Star (Patrick Kane)

Chapter Seventy Six- Try Again

Elizabeth

It's been a month since Patrick has been hurt and it's been a loooong month at that. He is so determined to get back before the playoffs but he's wearing himself out. He works out every day at least three times a day but he's getting tired. Too much of a good thing isn't such a good thing. After physical therapy he just comes home and does more home work outs because he thinks it'll get him back sooner. He pops the pills to subside the pain then goes right back to working out. It hurts to see him in so much pain and that there wasn't really anything I could do for him. I know better than to tell him to stop, and I want to support him not just as his wife but as his friend. I just wasn't sure I could keep watching him self destruct like this.

On this early march morning Patrick and I sit outside on the back porch and look out over the farm as I hand him a cup of coffee. All the animals were taken care of, Precious was fed and used the bathroom, everything was accounted for. He sips his coffee as we sit there silently.

"How's your arm" I ask.

"Sore but it feels fine" he claims.

"How does it really feel" I ask and he lets out a long sigh.

"It hurts" he admits. That's what I thought.

"I'm going to tell you this and you're not going to like it. But I care about you... so much... and seeing you like this is killing me. I miss seeing your smile all the time and it hurts my heart that you aren't happy. It hurts that you feel like all the weight is on your shoulders and you feel like you're sinking. And It hurts that there isn't anything I can do to make it better. I know that if I wasn't able to perform then I would be the same way. But I just think it's not good for you to be working out so much. You go to physical therapy and then come home and keep pushing it. Put if you put too much pressure on something it breaks, and I don't want you to break" I sigh.

"I know that if the doctors knew that I did what I do they would be upset. They're doing everything they can to get me back and I should trust them. I just can't sit here and do nothing while my team fights for a spot in the play offs. I want to help" he claims.

"The best way you can help isn't to come back as soon as possible, it's to come back ready. When you hit that ice you should be ready for anything. If they need you you should be in the position to be whatever they need. Whether that be before twelve weeks or after it. That team is going to need the Patrick Kane that can turn on the drop of a dime and shake goalies out of their jocks. And that can only happen if you're 100%" I explain.

"How will I know where that line is. You know, from being ready or not, doing too much or not enough" he wonders.

"Only you will know Pat. The doctors can get you better, I can cheer you on, but only you will know when you need something more or less" I sigh.

"I just... I want to get back so bad" he groans.

"I want you back too, but you can't force these things. You're already ahead of schedule, but if you keep pushing there's a greater chance that something goes wrong and you'll get knocked ten steps back, you don't need that" I try.

"I know. It's just hard. Even when I do get back I'm missing so much right now that I feel like I'm behind. It's not going to be the same as when I left and that scares me" he admits.

I take the cup from his hand and set it beside him before grabbing his hand and jumping off the porch pulling behind me. He doesn't question it as our feet pound the ground.

I take him to the stables and call Sweetie over and pet her to assure that everything is okay. I move her mane over to the other side revealing a large scar on her neck.

"Woah what happened" he asks. I part my hair showing that I too had a scar on my head. "I always saw that but never asked what happened" he admits.

"I was 13 years old, it was summertime and like always I was messing around the farm with the neighborhood kids. We were in the stables and decided to go out for a ride. I climb on Sweetie because for the longest time she was the only horse I would ride.

We quickly got to the end of the farm and we're supposed to turn back there. But for some reason that day we wanted more. The first two jump the fence easily but Sweetie wasn't trained to jump like that. She was still pretty small and we never practiced jumping. I wasn't in a saddle or anything so I wasn't supposed to anyway. But I wanted a adventure so we tried it. She ended up getting tangled in the barbed wire and I get shot off, my head cracked open on the rocks on the ground. It was the scariest moment of my life. Hearing my skull crack like that and feeling so numb, I still feel it. Half of the kids was trying to get the barbed wire out of sweeties neck and the other half trying to stop my head from bleeding so much.

I got rushed to the hospital and Sweetie went to the horsey hospital. She had gotten cut up pretty bad but they were able to sew her back up. I had staples in my head but with all this hair you can't tell anymore. But that's one of the reasons I always leave it be. It's still pretty sensitive.

But like you I was terrified to ride again. I wasn't sure if Sweetie would let me or not. I could get hurt again, I couldn't hurt her either. My mom kept telling me that when life knocks you down, ride again.

So I did. After my head healed and her stitches were taken out I went to the stables. I called her and she came right over. And although things were different, it was still the same. I was back to riding again in no time, like the accident never happened. Of course it did and I didn't hit my head hard enough to forget it but I wanted so bad to be able to ride again. I knew I couldn't force it and only I knew when it was time.

Just trust in yourself Patrick, the rest will fall into place" I say. For the first time in a really long time he smiles a genuine smile making me smile too. He continues to pat Sweetie and is careful of he exposed scar.

"You know you really are the sweetest thing ever" he asks

"You are what you eat... and I eat a LOT of candy" I say and he laughs.

"Thanks for sharing that with me and trying to make me feel better. It did help" he admits.

"What do you say I get some popcorn going and we watch miracle before the game" I suggest.

"There isn't a thing in the world I would rather do" he claims.

We do end up watching the movie... among other things... and I see that spark come back in his eye. He wasn't moping around the UC or shaking off people when they asked how he was. He said he was good and getting better and that made me really happy.