“I’m sorry…I really am,” she told me.
She keeps apologising, just not for the right thing. I know that she’s sorry about what happened to the baby, but I also know that she can’t change what happened. It’s over now and that’s all there is to it.
Now I’m even more of a wreck knowing about this. It was bad enough when I lost her, but now there’s this on top of it all.
“Just stop apologising,” I requested.
“But you’re upset…”
I’m done hiding this. It hurts too much. I moved my hands away and looked at her with a tear rolling down my cheek and I didn’t fucking care that she saw me crying.
“Of course I’m upset. You got to see her, you got to hold her, you comforted her when she was crying, you sang to her, you were there with her and got to do everything with her that I’ll never be able to do. That-”
I was cut off by her lips pressing against mine and her hand gently cradling my jaw. Just as I was about to move my hand to pull her closer, she pulled away.
“I’m sorry,” she apologises again before running down the hall.
I wanted to follow her, but I couldn’t move; I was still in shock. My mind was saying to run after her, but my body wasn’t getting the message.
I just can’t believe she kissed me. Why? Was it because she felt bad that I was crying? I hope that’s not why, but I think it might be the exact reason.
When her skin made contact with mine, it took my breath away. Not only because I wasn’t expecting it, but also because I hadn’t felt that rush in over a year. No one else could do that to me, it was only her.
I knew from the moment I let myself fall for her that it wouldn’t end well, but I had no idea it would hurt like this. It’s one of the worst pains I’ve ever experienced.
The feeling is so real, like you have an open wound, but when you try to cover it there’s nothing there.
How did all of this even get so bad? Why didn’t we try to fix it? I’m giving myself a headache thinking about all this. Or maybe it’s just from the crying, but it’s still there either way.
Cuts are temporary, but a broken heart is permanent unless the person who broke it tries to reassemble it.
She’s not going to try, though, is she? She ran away so fast after she kissed me. Maybe that was her goodbye kiss or some shit like they do in movies.
I just need to find her. If I’m lucky, she hasn’t left the parking lot yet. Then again, with the way she ran, she could be long gone by now. Well, I guess there’s only one way to find out.
I quickly pulled myself together and got up from my spot on the floor. As I made my way to the parking lot I heard sniffling. That was her, it had to be.
When I turned to look for the source, she was standing and leaning against the brick wall with her face in her hands. Her body was shaking just like the first time she lost a baby and I held her to make her stop. I wanted to comfort her, but I needed my questions answered first.
I walked over to her and she looked up at me with tearstained cheeks and shocked eyes that were still full of tears just waiting to fall.
“Don’t apologise about kissing me, that’s not why I came to find you. Don’t apologise for the baby either,” I said calmly.
She nodded her head in agreement as another tear escaped her eyes. I couldn’t help myself as I reached out and wiped it away with my thumb. She seemed frozen by my touch and I wasn’t sure whether that was a good or bad thing.
“What do you want then?” she asked softly. She sounds so scared.
“I just want to know why you kissed me. Don’t feel bad about it, just tell me why you did it.”
She was silent for a minute, surprised by my question I assume.
“I kissed you because…because I still love you. I never stopped loving you and every day I regret kicking you out. You didn’t do anything wrong, it was me and I know you won’t forgive me for what I did. I got mad at you for nothing and I tried to hook up with someone else, but I couldn’t do it; I couldn’t cheat on you no matter how angry I was. I love you, Harry, and I’m so sorry.”
She tried to hold in her tears as I stood there silently. I wasn’t prepared for that at all. I didn’t expect her to apologise for what happened that night. I really thought she would say that she did it out of pity, not because she still loves me.
Just hearing her say that she still loved me was…it made me speechless. I thought she was surely over me by now and I never would have guessed that she even had the slightest bit of feelings left for me.
“Find someone who makes you happy…I don’t deserve you,” she said before running away yet again.
Fucking idiot. Why didn’t I say something?
“Find someone who makes you happy…I don’t deserve you,” I told him, meaning every word.
I ran away straight after the words left my mouth because I knew I was going to lose it and I didn’t want him to feel bad for me. He deserved happiness and I obviously can’t give that to him.
I don’t want him to move on, I wish he would come after me. But at the same time I don’t.
They say that if you love something to let it go and if it comes back to you, it was yours all along. I’ve let him go before and he always came back to me. But he isn’t mine, not anymore.
I was letting him go this time, for real. He needed to find someone who could give him everything he wanted. I don’t know that I’ll ever have a successful pregnancy and I don’t need to put him through that pain.
Once I got to my car, I got inside and sat down, letting myself fall apart. I’ve cried so much over him and over the baby. I don’t know how I haven’t run out of tears, honestly.
I rested my head against the steering wheel as I continued to cry and shudder and pray for the pain to just go away. But it didn’t go away. It hasn’t gone away since the day I called off the engagement and kicked him out. God, I was such an idiot.
The passenger side door of my car opened and I looked up, hanging by a little hope that it was Harry.
“What are you doing here?” I asked in shock as he closed the door.
“I’m getting revenge,” Shawn said as he pulled something out of his pocket.
“Now drive before I shoot you,” he ordered whilst pointing a gun at me.
I hurriedly put the keys in the ignition and turned the car on. What the hell is happening?
Just an FYI, I am not cruel enough to actually have someone killed in this story...unless they're bad. So don't worry! There will be violence though. xx
YOU ARE READING
Corruption™ (Punk Harry Styles)Fanfiction
[on going] What if one boy could flip your whole world around in just a matter of weeks? [first posted July 2, 2013] Copyright © 2014, ForeverDreamingx™ ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyr...