My Reason To Be (Zayn Malik)

Chapter 60: If you fall I'll fall with you, baby.

HELLO! SO I TOTALLY DIDN'T EXPECT TO RELEASE THE CHAPTER OUT SO SOON, BUT SOMEONE REALLY REALLLY HELPED ME OUT! I DEDICATE THIS CHAPTER TO HER BECAUSE SHE'S AWESOME ADN REALLY TOOK THE TIME TO TALK TO ME. 

I HOPE YOU ALL GOT A CHANCE TO READ MY NOTE AND IF NOT, JUST GO BACK TO THE PREVIOUS UPDATE AND YOU'LL SEE IT. I HAVE TO SAY IM A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE MORE THEN 350 PEOPLE HAVE READ IT AND YET I GOT 2O REPLIES. KIND OF STARTING TO RETHINK THIS WHOLE SEQUEL THING. I'M WRITING THIS STORY SOLELY FOR YOU GUYS AND IVE PUT A LOT OF MY OTHER WRITINGS ON HOLD BECAUSE OF IT SO I CAN HAVE AN UPDATE OUT AS SOON AS I CAN. BUT IF ONLY LIKE 20 PEOPLE (AND I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU, YOU'RE ALL AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER) RESPOND ABOUT IT, SHOULD I REALLY GO FOR IT? I'M STILL DOING SOME SERIOUS THINKING, SO I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET. JUST LETTING YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT'S ON MY MIND.

NOW ENOUGH SERIOUS TALK.. HERE'S THE CHAPTER THAT TOOK ME FOREVER TO WRITE AND I ACTUALLY WORKED REALLY HARD ON. SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS, LIKE I WAS ACTUALLY SWEATING WHILE WRITING THIS HAHA

SO HERE IT IS, ENJOY AND PLEASE TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS. THERE ARE A LOT OF TIME LAPSES. ITALICS ARE FLASHBACKS. 

ZAYN POV

I’ve never seen her look so torn apart. Her face is missing that pink blush that I’ve grown to love and is replaced with black and blue. Dried cuts line the left side of her forehead and there’s paper stitches holding her swollen eyebrow together. There’s a small slit in her perfect lips that I’ve missed more than anything. And I know I have no right to miss anything about her. I did this.

But by far the hardest thing to see is her completely broken expression, eyes barely open and arms slowly attempting to reach out. To me. Despite all that I’ve done in the past weeks. She stills wants me here.

The lump in my throat only gets bigger when she softly greets me with smaller than a whisper.

“Baby” I can only let out between trying to keep myself together and wanting nothing more than to grab her into my arms.

When she reaches out across the duvet  again and tries to shift so she can see me better, it’s like a dam breaking and I climb onto the bed. I’m tucked against her and only then do I feel safe enough to let go everything I’d been holding back. How awful I’d treated her, the words I’d said to her when I’d been bitter about the world. Throwing her in my destructive path and making her feel unwanted. And I knew I’d been doing it all, too. I’d hear her crying in the shower and late at night and I couldn’t even bring myself to hold her like she deserved.

And she still tried. God, the dinners and the decorations that I ignored. I made her leave and if it wasn’t for my behavior she wouldn’t have been in that house alone. And she wouldn’t be the broken mess in front of me.

“Shhh” She softly coos and it only makes the tears falls harder. “It’s okay, baby.”

Her voice is rough and muffled and not at all like her usual sweet tone.

“You’ll be okay, Zayn.”

And that’s my undoing. After all she’s been through she still concerned about me? Like she hadn’t just fought a full grown man and held at gunpoint. For the fucking third time in her life. She was still thinking of me and my feelings and I couldn’t even do the same when she suffered the loss of Ali as well.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, baby.” I repeat it like a chant against her and I feel her shake her head against me.

“Don’t.”

I turn out from her shoulder and raise onto my elbow so I can look down at her. She’s looking straight up at me, one eyelid lower from the swelling, but the same shiny green.