To The Moon And Back

Chapter 129

She went out if the car and was about to guide me out but she doesn't really have to do that anymore. I jumped out on my own.
"It's okay, Jha. I am not drunk anymore," I flashed a smile. "You're back in here again."
She nodded a little. She may not be aware of this but the way she acts while looking at the place that's used to be her home says how uncomfortable she is.
"You should take my car on your way home. It's dangerous," I said.
"No, thanks," She declined.
"Athijha."
"No matter how much you put authority and warning in your voice, you can't order me to use this since I left my friend's car at the parking lot of the restuarant in front of the club where you drowned yourself."
I took a remote out of my pants. "Then might as well spend the night here instead of going home at this hour."
I walked in and didn't even dare to look back because I know that she'll choose to walk away and go with the first option I had given her.
As I shower in the bathroom of her old room, my feet felt cold. I feel numb that I can't even cry even if it is pain that's causing me to feel this numb.
I was about to get out of the shower when I heard her speak.
I see. My wife chose to stay.
"What have you been doing, Exiquel?" She asked.
I opened the door and walked towards her. She faced me and made an eye contact.
She then stood up then stand by the the window, looking at the scenery outside.
"Why are you doing this now?" She whispered with her trembling voice.
She faced me. "What are you up to, Exiquel?"
I smiled weakly. "Nothing, love."
"The last time you did something good to me sent me down further. This is a scheme again, isn't it? You're planning to hurt me again, right?"
"It's not like that, Athijha," My eyes welled up.
There's these mixed emotions I can't name but somehow, it ceases the feeling inside me that's turning me numb.
"Exiquel, if you're planning to make everything a game between hearts again, please stop. Our lives are already at peace. We're finally living in peace. Please, don't ruin it. I know that we're both happy now. That we have grown apart. Just go and be happy with Clea."
"Is that how you think my life has been going, love? Clea has a family now..."
"And mom still ships you with her," She said filled with sarcasm.
"That's because they doesn't like her husband. His abusive mot..."
She cut me off.
"Then why does they like you?" She intervened again with full of demand and authority. "You were an abusive husband too."
She assumed everything wrong.
"I'm sorry."
But still, I chose to stay quiet about her sister's situation.
"I thought so too," She muttered. "It's okay. Apology accepted. It's fine now."
I shook my head. "Please don't say that, love."
"No, it is really okay. I am not faking it if that's what you're thinking, Exiquel."
"I ca... I can't," I can't even talk straight due to heavy sobs that suddenly appeared out of nowhere and had me incapable of speaking straight.
"Please calm down. You don't have to suffer like this," She said, not knowing what to do.
She doesn't have to calm me down.
Something inside me have this selfish desire that keeps me wanting some things which are almost impossible to work out.
"I don't want to accept the fact that everything is really okay for you. I can never accept that because I can't even imagine myself in your shoes, love. It hurts. It hurts because it feels like everything did not really happen. That the love you made me feel wasn't really there. That it is all in the past now. It feels like you've thrown everything already. It feels like you have let go. That you have drifted away."
"But that's the fact," She muttered.
"I know. I know that so well, Jha. But if can alter everything, I will. I have always wanted to be with you but odds are always there. I wanted to protect you so bad that I let you suffer alone just for you to be safe. I never had the chance to explain everything, right? I never had the chance to make it up to you back then because you have already left me. But please, can you hear me out now, love? Please."
"Quel, please."
To hef surprise, I kneeled in front of her then held her hands like I am a lost kid asking for guidance and proper direction.
"Please, listen to me. Please open up to again, Jha."
"That won't change a thing anymore. It won't change a thing."
"I believe it would, Jha. I believe it would change a thing. I want to give it a try. Even if it's just a little," I went closer then wrapped my arms around her waist.
I buried my face on her stomach while I cry uncontrollably. Wishing and pleading for her to listen.
I tightened my grip in her when I felt her body weakened and supported her weight.
A warm liquid fell on the top of my head.
I made her cry again.
I wanted to stop but I'm afraid that if I ever let her go, she'll vanish from my sight again.
"Please, let me protect you again. Let me enter your world again. Please, Athijha."
I lifted my face then looked at her. "It might change what I felt or erase the questions in my head but that won't change my decision," She faced me again when I pulled myself up. "Exiquel, that won't change the fact that I am leaving everything here and start a new life somewhere far from this place."
"Athijha," I called her name.
She smiled. "But still, I will listen to you. I'm gonna hear you out. Tell me everything you want me to know and I will listen to you just like how I did when we were younger."
I pulled her into a warm embrace. "Thank you, Athijha."
"But not now. You should take a rest first. I will hear you out tomorrow and after that, I hope that everything will finally be in place between us."
"After that, I will let you choose and fly on your own pace, Athijha. I just want you to know everything you don't. But please, don't forget that I love you so much, okay? And take care of yourself," He licked his bottom lip. "But, can I talk now, love? I'm afraid I might lose the courage to tell you everything when the sun rises again."
Silence filled each spaces and somehow, it's serene and comforting.
"You look restless, Quel," She said.
"I'm okay, Jha."
"You sure?"
"Hmm, how about you? Are you sure you want to listen?"
"I am."
I chuckled a little. I shouldn't have asked that. "I am just kidding. Let's talk about that tomorrow."