To The Moon And Back

Chapter 44

I was awakened the moment I was gently placed down on the soft mattress. I slowly opened my eyes and found my husband helping me to remove my footwear.
I groaned and slowly sat down. I massaged my temple while my other hand is sitting on my lap. My mouth was tightly shut as I feel my stomach swirling. I was biting the insides of my cheeks. I feel like I'm gonna throw up.
"Quel," I called in a faint voice.
"Hold up, I'll go get you some water," He turned his back and walked away without letting me voice out what I wanted to say.
I covered my mouth and get off the bed. I accompanied myself to the bathroom even if my vision keeps of rotating. But I wasn't able to bring myself there. I fell on the floor and threw up.
I heard a faint noise then the next thing I knew, Quel was already carrying me to the bathroom.
"Why did you get yourself drunk, Athijha?" I was gripping on the bowl when he asked that in a tone like he's about to scold me.
He took a handful of my hair when I was about to throw up again.
"Because," Hiccups. "You used to do that," I said while pointing at his face and my eyes were squinted. "Used to tell Athijha that you used to do that to forget."
My eyes started welling up again when my sister's image flashed in my mind. "I want to forget. But I didn't, it just made me kind of fine but I didn't forget anything. You lied to me," I uttered with my voice almost cracking.
He gave me a glass of water which I gulped in a matter of seconds.
"What do you want to forget?" His tone is gentle now.
"Everything I never want to remember," I replied then point where my heart is located. "Hurts."
"Why?"
"Hurts. Athijha's memories are worse and... and Athijha is scared," I looked at him with pleading eyes. "Quel, do you mind knocking my head somewhere enough for me to have amnesia?" I was tugging the hem of his shirt when I asked for that.
He sighed then kneeled to level with my face. "Why would you wish to forget everything about that when everything that has happened brought you where you are today?" He uttered while he's caressing my hair.
I shook my head. "That's why I want to forget about everything, Quel. Somehow, I don't want to be where I am right now." My voice cracked as the lump in my throat gets larger.
Shock and pain crossed his eyes. "You don't want to be my wife?"
A bead of tears fell from my eye. I chuckled a bit. "No, that's not what I meant. I have always wanted to be with you but a lot of things have been sacrificed for my selfish desires."
"You're not selfish," He cupped my face and gave me a reassuring smile.
"I am, Quel. I know that. You don't have to lie just to console me. It is not necessary because I know that." I looked at his eyes directly. "I took a huge part of your dreams and plans because I can't decide. Because I love you so much. Sometimes, I really think that I'm not selfish because I love you more than myself but, I know that doesn't work that way."
He went silent after I said that. It's okay though, he doesn't need to say anything.
But damn, is this the effect of alcohol in my system? I became this brave, huh? I guess I did the right decision to get drunk, huh? Though, I'm not drunk anymore, just kind of tipsy.
"I love you, Athijha," He was staring at my very soul when he said that.
Sure, he does. But I know he loves Clea better. He won't do those things to hurt me if he doesn't love her.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked after clearing my throat.
"Sure, what is it?"
"What if Clea comes back?" I mumbled, refusing to look back at his eyes. "What will you do?"
He gently held my chin, forcing me to look at his eyes. "Then she comes back. I don't care anymore."
I nodded and hummed.
He clicked his tongue. "Clea and I never happened and I am already done loving her, Athijha. So, if she ever comes back, then she comes back. You're the one I love now, Athijha. Please, don't doubt my love for you."
I smiled at him. "I..." Why can't I say it straight? "I love you, Quel."
"I love you," He took my toothbrush and put on some toothpaste. "Come on, brush your teeth."
"Can you brush my teeth?" I said then opened my mouth. "My hand feels weak."
"Alright, alright," He sighed. "Next time, don't get yourself drunk. You look like a mess."
"I don't look like a mess. A baby doesn't look like a mess," I don't know if he can understand what I am saying.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say."
"Baby," I mumbled.
I wanted to believe what he said. I am forcing myself to believe everything he told me but it's so hard. I saw how his eyes shone when he said her name. I saw the glimpse of emotion I never saw every time he looks at me.
It's still there. It has always been there. It never leaves. It stayed with him even if he denies it so hard. I know, he never forgets how he loves her. The fact that he denies it for me sends pain to my entire system.
I never knew that Quel will deny his feelings for my sister because of me.
They were right when they that the pain never goes away, we just learn to live with it.
They were right when they said that the heart can never forget the way you love a person even if you deny that until you get to live with that thought. You can't get rid of it.
Clea's plan was painful for Quel. And he never forgot about that. It's always in his heart. It has always been in Quel's heart.
I admire how he loves her, it's so great and genuine. It is not tainted by pity and lust, it's pure and all.
Clea is so lucky to have someone who loves her as much as I do.
So, at the moment that Ashton Exiquel Saavedra said that he's done loving my sister, I knew very well that it was a lie he has planted in his mind.
I leaned my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes when my system is about to shut down.
He was tapping my cheeks and trying to tell me something but I was too tired to even respond.
He lifted me up while I gave in to a deep slumber.
I groaned when I felt my head throbbing. It feels like it's being hammered for countless of times.
I massaged my temple then placed my hands on my nape. I tilted my head then the door swung open and revealed my husband who looked like he hasn't slept for days.
He crossed his arms under his chest. "Don't tell me that your head is aching, Athijha," He mumbled with a passive voice.
I snorted then smiled a little. "How did I ended up here? The last thing I remembered was the scene where I was talking to Cali," My forehead was creased while saying that.
He raised his eyebrow. "What? You don't remember anything?"
My mouth parted when I heard a glimpse of annoyance in his tone. "I remember something but it's just flashes of images," I replied. "Did Iris brought me home?"
He walked towards me then flicked my forehead with his finger.
"Aww! Why did you do that? What was that for, you jerk?" He glared at me while endless possibilities about what I did that I don't remember keep on running in my mind.
"Tsk," He then rolled his eyes.
Why is he so annoyed that I don't remember anything?
My eyes grew wide when an embarrassing thought came to my mind.
"What? Did we have sex last night?"
He looked at me with wide eyes while my brain is processing that I just say that out loud.
"Oh my God! I didn't blurt that, didn't I?"
He chuckled. "What the hell? How did you ever think of that thing?"
"Well..." I nervously smiled at him then slowly looked away. "Well, you're annoyed that I can't recall everything that has happened last night, and based on the books I have read, you guys get annoyed when a girl forgets about something especially when it's the pleasure after the pressure," I said.
I don't know why I didn't even blink and started while saying that while his mouth is parted.
"Oh, and in addition, you get frustrated because you feel like your efforts have gone to waste. According to a fiction I have read which genre is a slice of life when it's the girl who asked for it while she's drunk and you gave in, it will result to some sort of quarrel between lovers," I innocently looked at him. "Is that where this conversation heading?"
He massaged the bridge of his nose. "Damn, I didn't realize that reading too many fictional stories can make someone think this way," He mumbled.
I pouted. "I'm sorry, love. And please don't think that I'm losing my mind. Anyway, about my question, don't answer it. I don't want us to fight, so please, don't be mad, love."
He cupped my face and to my surprise, he kissed me aggressively like he's punishing me. I can almost taste his minty breath which made me feel kind of embarrassed because I probably tasted like liquors. "You're so cute, wife."
"Thank you?" I answered, unsure if that was the right response at this moment.
He stood up straight and then looked at me intently.