To The Moon And Back

Chapter 78

I sat on my bed. I mentally shook my head and chuckled a little.
"What have you been doing, Exiquel?" I asked.
The door of the bathroom opened as soon as fired that question. I looked at his direction. I knew he's here.
I stood up then stand by the the window, looking at the scenery outside.
"Why are you doing this now?" I whispered.
I faced him. "What are you up to, Exiquel?"
He smiled weakly. "Nothing, love."
"The last time you did something good to me sent me down further. This is a scheme again, isn't it? You're planning to hurt me again, right?"
"It's not like that, Athijha," His eyes welled up.
"Exiquel, if you're planning to make everything a game between hearts again, please stop. Our lives are already at peace. We're finally living in peace. Please, don't ruin it. I know that we're both happy now. That we have grown apart. Just go and be happy with Clea."
"Is that how you think my life has been going, love? Clea has a family now..."
"And mom still ships you with her," I said filled with sarcasm.
"That's because they doesn't like her husband. He is abusive..."
"Then why does they like you?" I intervened again with full of demand and authority. "You were an abusive husband too."
"I'm sorry."
"I thought so too," I muttered. "It's okay. Apology accepted. It's fine now."
He shook his head. "Please don't say that, love."
"No, it is really okay. I am not faking it if that's what you're thinking, Exiquel."
"I ca... I can't," He can't even talk straight due to heavy sobs.
"Please calm down. You don't have to suffer like this," I said, not knowing what to do. I don't really know how to comfort him right now.
"I don't want to accept the fact that everything is really okay for you. I can never accept that because I can't even imagine myself in your shoes, love. It hurts. It hurts because it feels like everything did not really happen. That the love you made me feel wasn't really there. That it is all in the past now. It feels like you've thrown everything already. It feels like you have let go. That you have drifted away."
"But that's the fact," I muttered.
"I know. I know that so well, Jha. But if can alter everything, I will. I have always wanted to be with you but odds are always there. I wanted to protect you so bad that I let you suffer alone just for you to be safe. I never had the chance to explain everything, right? I never had the chance to make it up to you back then because you have already left me. But please, can you hear me out now, love? Please."
"Quel, please."
To my surprise, he kneeled in front of me then held my hands like he's a lost kid asking for guidance and proper direction.
"Please, listen to me. Please open up to again, Jha."
"That won't change a thing anymore. It won't change a thing."
"I believe it would, Jha. I believe it would change a thing. I want to give it a try. Even if it's just a little," He went closer then wrapped his arms around my waist.
He buried his face on my stomach while he's crying uncontrollably. He's pleading for me to listen.
My palm flew on my mouth while tears are streaming down on my cheeks.
He's crying loudly while I am doing the opposite. I can't even hear my breathing or my heartbeat.
"Please, let me protect you again. Let me enter your world again. Please, Athijha."
I don't want to. I don't want to because I am so afraid that if I did, I will not be able to run away again. I am afraid that I will choose to stay here instead of doing what I have planned to do for so long.
I raked his hair with my fingers while trying to calm myself. We stayed in that position for less than an hour and yet his shoulders are still shaking and his arms are still tightly wrapped around my waist.
I sighed then pushed him. He fell on the floor while his head is bowed down. I balled my fist while staring at him at his most vulnerable state.
He was just looking at the floor as if the answers and reasons of the world are clearly written there.
I gasped then averted my gaze. "It won't change a thing because I have already made up my mind," I said.
I saw him lifted his face then looked at me. "It might change what I felt or erase the questions in my head but that won't change my decision," I faced him again when he pulled himself up. "Exiquel, that won't change the fact that I am leaving everything here and start a new life somewhere far from this place."
"Athijha," He called my name.
I smiled. "But still, I will listen to you. I'm gonna hear you out. Tell me everything you want me to know and I will listen to you just like how I did when we were younger."
He pulled me into a warm embrace. "Thank you, Athijha."
"But not now. You should take a rest first. I will hear you out tomorrow and after that, I hope that everything will finally be in place between us."
"After that, I will let you choose and fly on your own pace, Athijha. I just want you to know everything you don't. But please, don't forget that I love you so much, okay? And take care of yourself," He licked his bottom lip. "But, can I talk now, love? I'm afraid I might lose the courage to tell you everything when the sun rises again."
"You look restless, Quel."
"I'm okay, Jha."
"You sure?"
"Hmm, how about you? Are you sure you want to listen?"
"I am."
He chuckled. "I am just kidding. Let's talk about that tomorrow."
I froze on my spot when he planted a gentle kiss on my forehead just like how he used to.
"You're being considerate of my feelings too much again. I can handle myself, you know. Go on, love. Sleep now. I'll leave you here alone now. Goodnight, my love."
Then he walked away. I watched his back until he was out of the room and all I could see was the door between us.
I balled my fist then shut my eyes. I am leaving. I will still leave no matter what he'll say. I will leave for us.
I took my phone out of my pouch to text Kuya and dad.
{I'll be staying at my condo this night and tomorrow, dad. Love you!}
{Kuya, I borrowed your car. I'll sleep in my condo tonight and tomorrow. Don't even try to go here or I'll throw your keys in the ocean.}
I crawled on the bed then buried my face on the pillows. I tilted my head to the right and gave the wall a deadpan look as if it's all to blame because Exiquel's scent is all over the place.
I curled like a baby then hugged a pillow beside me. I closed my eyes then cleared my throat.
I should sleep now. I unconsciously touched the spot where he kissed me.
The fuck! Why am I feeling this way?
Oh, right. You are refusing to answer yourself again, Assia.
I relaxed my body and just like that, I drifted into sleep.
A silver long gown. That is what I am wearing. I am standing in front of the mirror and I can clearly see myself smiling from ear to ear.
A tiara with emerald stones is right above my head, shinning like the smile that I am wearing.
A part of my hair is braided and it looked like an extension of the tiara.
I am wearing a see through gloves with elegant designs as I was holding a gorgeous bouquet of red and white tulips.
"Are you ready, darling?" I looked at the person who called my name.
I was dad. I smiled then walked towards him. I embraced him then nodded like a little child.
"Of course, I am. What kind of question is that, dad? It feels like you're asking me if I am dying already. It's kind of creepy."
"Well, I just can't believe that my little girl is going to replace her surname after this. Ahh, time flies si fast. It feels like you were just a baby yesterday and now you're going to create one," He winked.
I blushed. I was kind of embarrassed that I almost hit him with the bouquet I was holding.
"Dad, stop saying such things. It is embarrassing, you know," I muttered and suppressed myself to utter a curse word.
He chuckled. "You don't have to feel embarrassed at all, Assia."
"I can't help it, dad."
"You have grown up as a beautiful woman, Assia. I would love to keep you in my roof for more years and spend time with you more. I have had a lot of plans in my mind for our family but the next thing I knew, you have blossomed as a fine woman and already getting married."
"You're still the number one man in my life, dad. Don't worry."
"What about me little, sis?" Kuya intervened.
He looks dashing in his white suit that I'm afraid that people might mistake him as a prince or someone who carries a royal blood.
I faced him then cracked a wide smile. "You are the second, Kuya. You might not surpass dad but no one can surpass you as the greatest brother in the whole wide world. I love you, Kuya," I showed him two fingers while my other hand is resting on my waist.
He walked towards us then placed his palm on my shoulder. "Don't mess with me on your wedding day, sis. I'll mess your make up, you do not want that, do you?"
"We should get going now, Thames," Dad said then placed his hand on Kuya's shoulder. He faced me. "We'll see you there, Assia."
They then left me here with the stylits and other people who's in charge of me right now.
I can't help but to chuckle upon remembering their faces while someone's helping me put on my veil.
"Yeah, see you there, dad," I muttered under my breath.
My eyes widened when I felt my heart beat getting faster and I heard a loud beat of drum at the back of my head.
The sceneries of the wedding came flashing before my eyes in a speed of light that it seems like its purpose is to leave me hanging at the edge.
My hands trembled when the bouquet turned into ashes like I burned them in my hands.
Then the hem of my wedding gown is slowly turning into small portions of crystals, reflecting a blinding light somewhere close to me.
I flinched when my hair tie snapped which left my hair falling freely on my back.
I tried to escape the light but it keeps of pulling me towards it like a blackhole doing its best to swallow a grown up star.
I shut my eyes and the next thing I knew, I am sitting on the sofa at the living room while holding a baby girl who looks like a one year old in my arms.
My lips parted while staring at her sleeping figure. I placed her on the crib. I unconsciously looked at the little boy playing with the paint brushes at the carpet.
I chuckled when he spilled the can of paint on the white paper then giggled. He's giggling while touching the blue paint all over the paper.
His emerald eyes met mine. His smile grew even wider.
"Mmm... mommy," He called heartily.
My heart melted as my eyes started to well up in a snap when he called me that.
"Zein," I called. "My son."
I walked towards him. I almost stumbled when he's suddenly turning transparent as if he is fading in the thin air.
"Zein!" I screamed then rushed towards him.
I caged him in my arms. Then after few seconds, I can no longer feel his delicate skin against mine.
"No, come back, Zein!"
"Please!"
"Zein, don't leave mommy!"
"No, son, no! No"
"Athijha," I looked around when I heard someone calling my old name.
"Fuck! Athijha, wake up!"
I gasped for air then opened my eyes widely.
I touched my cheeks when it suddenly felt itchy. It's wet.
"Fuck! Are you okay, love?"
I looked at Exiquel who's looking at me with his eyes filled with fear and nervousness.
I hold onto his wrist then tilted my head. "Quel," I called his name.
"Yes, love? What is it? Did you had a nightmare?"
"Love," I uttered our endearment then gulped.
"I'm here, love. I'm here. Why were you screaming earlier. Is everything okay?"
"Love, what," I hunged up a little as I try to recall something. "I was dreaming. What was it, love?"