To The Moon And Back

Chapter 109

I tried to speak but the sound I was only able to make is faint.
Their eyes were suddenly on me. They were panicking as if I just came back from my grave.
Exiquel held my hand before my brother does while my dad was in the phone, probably calling a nurse of maybe a doctor.
Clea, on the other hand, was just standing at the corner and doesn't know what to do.
The nurse checked on me before letting me drink some water for hydration.
I never averted my gaze to my brother. He's sitting on a wheelchair and his left eye is covered with white bandages. He smiled at me.
"Do you feel okay, little sis?" He asked.
I tried to reach up for him as my eyes starts to water. "Kuya," I called, almost voiceless. "Kuya," I repeated in much clearer voice.
He chuckled a bit then drove his wheelchair to my side.
It's like I forgot about my painful back when I sat on my bed to pull him into a hug.
"Your eye," I mumbled as I hide my face on his shoulder.
"You're thinking that I've gone blind, are you?" I nodded in response. "My eyelid was just grazed by a knife. It's just a small cut."
"What if you go blind in tge following years because of that?" I asked.
"I'm glad you're still as silly as fuck," He said then let out a burst of a loud laughter. "Good morning, little sis.
"You're not really hurt, right?"
"Yeah. I caught a bullet with my leg though."
"Well, you're alive so I guess I can still play guns with you," I mumbled then looked at dad.
I wanted to talk to him or apologize but he seems so busy talking about something important to someone over the phone.
I threw Exiquel a quick glance who's just standing beside Kuya River while looking at me intently.
I gave my brother a small smile and he quickly understood what I want to say as if he's reading my mind.
He commanded Clea to help him go out like she's a slave. Dad followed which left me here with Exiquel.
"I can talk now," I said in a monotone voice.
Though, I can't deny that I am nervous. I am nervous and scared and guilty. I couldn't even bring myself to gulp or play with my fingers. I feel like my body stiffed and I think I am stupid.
I was too immobile to avert my gaze from his.
"Is it so hard to tell me that you are not an Alonso?" I wasn't able to answer fast.
That was not the question I've expected. I never expected for his tone to be kind and gentle. I expected him to be mad or throw a fit. But why? Why is he smiling?
"I..." I bit my bottom lip. "It was hard."
Hey, you should be mad. You must be mad. I lied to you, you know? So stop smiling like that. Erase that damn smile. It makes me feel more guilty.
Tell me, don't you know how to be mad anymore? Did you abandon that emotion already?
"Quel, aren't you furious? Aren't you disappointed?"
"Furious? I am disappointed but not furious. Well, I guess I was. But at this moment, I am fine."
"It's okay, Quel. You can get mad at me."
"I am not, though," He chuckled then touch my eyebrows which caught me off guard. "I'm not angry so stop worrying about me. It's you, right? It's you who was always been angry."
I was speechless. Not even a single word has escaped my lips. Not even a sigh.
"Assia," He uttered my real name which made my heart skip a beat. "Raeya. Athijha. Whatever your name is, you are still the girl I have met years ago."
"Yeah, I think so," I replied because I can't seem to find the right thing to say in this kind of situation.
I know I have been practicing. I have been visualizing what would I do or what would I say when this moment comes. I guess my brain has disposed it.
"I would be calling you Assia from now on, though," He sighed then leaned on the white wall. He closed his eyes then swallowed hard. He clicked his tongue then smiled.
"I never thought you are one of the organization's important pieces, huh? Assia, the Bishop. The Organization's brain on the successful mission called Alonso's annihilation."
I almost rolled my eyes. I still find my position silly. Bishop, huh?
"I'm just a little sad, I think. Your brother said you changed your name right after you chose to hide from us. So, I've been thinking, If you did changed your name and everything about your documents, then burning all divorce papers you prepared is useless..."
He raked his hair as I wait for things he's about to say.
"If that is the case, can I still say we're married? Am I still married? Wait, does that mean that I believed we still are but you really did slip away from my grasp?"
I've been uttering apologies in my head. I have been explaining at the back of my mind. But why is that I can't also understand everything at this moment.
"Assia Emeraude Vista. Love, it feels like you just jumped away when I was about to take you back. You're farther than before. It feels like, you really are out of my reach now."
"And I wonder why it's fine for me. I'm completely okay with it. I don't mind. You must think I don't care anymore because of what I am saying but, I love you this much which is why it's okay for me to watch you go."
More than two years ago, I left without saying goodbye. I chose to disappear and hide from you.
I guess the years we spent together is more than enough for us to realize that we really not meant to be together.
The universe has already told us a lot of times thatwe should stop. It's been hindering us to be together. The moon did not even fight alongside us.
It must be okay now.
Enough is enough.
He inserted his hands on his pocket then smiled at me.
"I heard from River that you'll be leaving away from this place once you are fully recovered."
Kuya! Why did you fucking tell him aboyt that?
"Yeah, I am leaving, again," I let out a burst of a soft laughter as my heart pounds in nervousness.
I caught a glance of the small crimson black on his palm.
"But he also told me that you might come back in the invisible future," He then opened the box and revealed a silver anklet. "It is a gift so please take it. It also holds my promise to wait for you until you comes back."
Why?
"I lied to you, Exiquel."
"Lie to me more then, love," He responded with a grin.
"I hurt you."
"The pain is damn worth it, love. Don't worry about it."
I clenched my fist. Miss Rebecca once told me that anger is a part of a person's emotions which loves you.
Love, seeing you right now, kneeling in front of me with that kind of smile, I can't help but think that everything that has happened is too much for you to the point that you have forgotten about yourself. You don't even love yourself anymore.
"This is..." I tucked my lips in. "This is not how it should end," I flashed a melancholic smile.
I lied on my back then stared at the ceiling.
"From this day onwards, I want you to proiritize yourself while I prioritize mine. I want us to find ourselves because we lost it during this long process. Like, I don't know myself anymore and you do not know yourself anymore as well," I glanced at him. "I bet you already know were I am getting to." I smiled.
"Yeah," He replied in a hoarse voice followed by a gentle laughter.
I chuckled the moment I let my tears escape my eyes. It was because of joy though.