To The Moon And Back

Chapter 85

"You're going to marry Cleandra Alonso after college. It's settled."
It rang in my head for a couple of times. It's echoing in my ear as I drop my silverware on my plate.
"Say that again?" I uttered, forcing myself not to stutter.
Dad sighed. "An old friend of mine needs help. They helped us when our company is in verge of falling. Now, it's our turn to do the same. You have to marry their daughter Cleandra Alonso. I believe you're friends, am I right?"
"Yeah, we're friends," I replied. I lifted my gaze and met his eyes. "What if I don't want to marry her?"
"You'll marry her whether you like it or not, Exiquel," He said while looking at me with a blank expression.
I laughed at the back of my mind even though I maintained a blank expression.
"Okay," I muttered then stood up. "I'm done eating."
I turned my back and set them aside even if they're calling my name for several times.
I sat by the door of my room then leaned on it.
"Cleandra," I mumbled. "Why do I have to marry you? Can I just marry your sister?"
I raked my hair with my fingers. But then, what am I gonna do? It's not like I have a say on whom I will marry. They have decided everything for me.
I'll just wear myself out if I fight back.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry because I can't fight for my feelings. I guess I will not gonna tell you about it, Jha.
Let's keep everything this way.
I dialed her number. Athijha's number. It took her a while before she answered. She probably finished her ringtone before picking up her phone.
[What do you want, Quel?] She rudely said.
I chuckled. "Meet me at the park tonight. I will be waiting for you." I said then dropped the call.
I was sitting at the bench, looking at the sky while waiting for her.
Even if she didn't give me an assurance that she'll be here, I can't help but to trust her that she'll come.
And I wasn't wrong. She came. She was wearing a pair of black pajamas while holding her phone on her left hand.
She was panting when she asked. "Is everything alright?"
I shook my head as a response. After a minute of catching her breath, she walked towards me then kicked me on the leg.
"Aww! What the hell is wrong with you?"
"What is wrong, Quel? You sounded off when you called me. I am worried, okay? So please, tell me something. Or just tell me the truth." She demanded with a gentle voice.
She sat next to me. "Are you okay?"
I hate her for asking that. It triggered my tears to fall and all I can do is to weep in front of her again.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled between my sobs. "Forgive me, Athijha. I'm sorry for not being strong enough to fight."
She caressed my hair. "If you can't fight anymore, then let me," She replied. "You deserve to take a break, Quel."
You can't. You can't fight for me, Athijha. You can't fight for my feelings because even I, can't understand them.
And it's impossible to fight for someone's emotion when you can't even feel it.
That night, I took her to the cliff. She was amazed.
Who would have thought that this place will be the beginning of everything? And yet, everything ended here too.
"Quel, we grew up together, didn't we?" She asked, walking backwards. She was smiling from ear to ear and her eye were hiding in the dark.
I stood up and walked in a slow pace. "Yes, we did. What is it again, Athijha?"
I was sure that she'll ask me about how magic works again. But then, I was caught off guard by the next thing she said.
She looked away and gulped. "I just, I just noticed that whenever my elder sister, Cleandra, is around, your behavior changes and act as if everything is normal when it's crystal clear that you're being weird." She looked down and placed strands of her hair behind her ear. "Tell me, Ashton Exiquel, do you like my sister?" She lifted her head then looked at me in the eye.
Her eyes were sparkling with an unknown emotion and it somehow made me feel something which made me breathe heavily.
"You really are my best friend," I looked at her with so much happiness. I'm so glad that she knows me so well. Jha, you makes me happy no matter what you do. "I love your sister, Jha. You really know me well to notice everything about me unlike the other people or even my family."
Lie. That was a lie. It's not her who I love, it's you, Athijha.
I swore to my heart, that if she ever notices what I feel for her, I'll drop everything and marry her instead of Clea.
"I knew it!" She exclaimed and laughed like a madman.
But she didn't. I guess my love for you isn't just enough for you to notice, huh?
Yet, I somehow wished that she's just putting a facade. Especially when her eyes feels like they were telling me not to believe whatever her mouth says.
"S-so? Are you going to court her?" She asked.
"Well, I am planning to. Do you think she'll agree?" I nervously uttered that made her laugh.
I am not planning to court her, Jha. Do you mind me courting you instead?
"Of course. Damn, Exiquel, you're dead gorgeous and you are an ideal man. Go for it, I'm rooting for you." The atmosphere turned awkward after she said the dumbest thing to utter in this kind of situation. "Uhmm, anyway, I have to go home. It's already past ten, I don't want to get deafening rants from my parents again. So, see you!"
I watched her runaway from me. I wanted to call her name but I just knew that she won't look back.
As she runs away, I was something sparkling under the moonlight coming from her.
"Shut up! Shut the fuck up, Arnold! I'm so done with this family! I'm so done with you! I can't take this anymore!" Mom yelled while crying.
My eyes landed on the papers on the floor. It's not new for mom to say that. That she's done with everything in this house. That she's tired.
But I can't help but to feel a pang of pain in my heart. Maybe because deep inside, I'm still hoping that they will be able to fix this.
Maybe because never have I ever thought that she'll be this tired to throw divorce paper on my father's face in front of me.
"I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be with you anymore."
Everything wore her off. Based from my grandparents, my mom would laugh the loudest, sheq has the best sense of humor yet she have a great sense of responsibility.
They said that she was the strongest girl they've met and they're proud that the heaven blessed them with a wonderful daughter.
Intelligent. Pretty. Humurous. Responsible.
Yet, I can't see her that way.
Their marraige didn't just wear her off, it also made her lose herself in the process of saving me, this family.
She lost herself because of us.
And I can't blame her if she wants to break free from everything.
Even if can't fully accept it, I let her do what she want.
My mom, I want to see her happy. I want to see the smile my grandma was talking about.
I want to hear her say something funny. I want what's best for her.
Back then, I thought everything is about me. That they have to be together for my sake.
But I saw how better she is without dad in her life. How better she is when she's free.
"I love you, mom." I whispered in her ear while she's hugging me tightly.
She was crying uncontrollably while caressing my hair. "I love you, my son. Forgive mommy, please? I'm so sorry Exiquel. I'm sorry I can't be the best mom. I'm sorry that I can't give you the protection you need. I'm sorry because you have such a weak mom."
No, you're wrong, mom. You are the best mother in the world and I couldn't ask for more.
You're more than enough for me.
You are strong, mom. I love you so much.
"Clea, do you have notes in science?" I asked as I approach her seat. "I wasn't able to write anything."
"You're preoccupied again, huh?" She shook her head. "You know what, I always wonder what's running in that complicated mind of yours."
I clicked my tongue and messed with her hair. "Do you have notes in science?" I asked once again.
"Your attitude sure is close to Athijha, huh?" She said. "But no, I don't have any notes in any subjects. Too lazy to write." She added.
Sometimes, I wonder how she keeps on passing every subjects and gain a high grade when all she really do is to paint her nails and spend money on expensive clothes.
"Ask Athijha. She might have some," She suggested. "I'll just have her teach me later at home."
Oh right. Her sister is such a smart, good girl. I wonder how Athijha put up with her bratty sister.
"No, I don't have notes, Quel," Athijha said when I was about to approach her.
I pouted. "I really wonder how the both of you passes every subject."