Thorny Reviews | REVIEW SHOP [CLOSED]

《Rose》Tesser

Reviewer: therosepoetk 

Tesser by Ayotani (ASG_JK)

I like your title, but I have to admit that I don't know how it relates to the story. For me as a reviewer that isn't too big into fan fiction, I was slightly confused. This suggestion is up to you, but maybe you can change the title into something that intrigues all audiences? But aside from that, I really like your cover. It's simple and professional looking, so great job. I think you can add more onto the blurb, as there's not much detail into what your story is actually going to be about. I did get introduced to the plot through your opening, which was nice and simple. Make sure to know when to use italics versus regular font, as this affects the text's clarity for the reader. The plot so far seems pretty interesting, but I'm looking for that emotional appeal that will make readers stay and enjoy your story. I think you can work on this through enhancing your characters. Who are they, really? What do they so badly want in life? How, as a writer, are you going to delay or stop them from getting that? By answering these three questions over the course of the story, you'll definitely draw in a larger audience. Yet the flow is consistent and admirable, so kudos to that. One major thing I'd like to see improvement on is your grammar. I think that just polishing up your work through an online editor or even a friend could do your story wonders. I've noticed that you have a lot of dialogue in your text, and I've come to associate that dialogue and actions are a huge part of fanfiction. So to really bring that out, I'd like you to think about if the character, or any real life person, would say that dialogue. Does it seem realistic? Does it seem relevant? By asking these questions, I'm sure that you could really unlock your potential for growth. But in summary, I really liked your story, how you're able to narrate events through your characters, and just your overall style. Keep up the star striking work Ayotani!