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《Samantha》Return In Starlight

Return In Starlight by TrueSlytherin10

Reviewer: samantha-writes

Cover: 2/5
— The cover is really well-made! I love the background image used, and the box things surrounding the title and the title fonts are really fitting to the image.
— The font used for the author's name feels a little out of place, but I like everything else.
— The cover fits the title well, but how does it fit with the story? From what I've read, it doesn't match with the story at all, and there haven't been many hints at all as to what the cover could possibly relate to.

Title: 3/5
— Again, it's a cool name, but what does it have to do with the story? Like, maybe it has to do with the dreams Amanda's been having, but that's a bit of a stretch. I've read all 8 chapters and have no clue.
— The word "In" should be lowercase. You don't need emphasis on such an unimportant word. It's necessary for the title to make sense, as "Return Starlight" wouldn't make sense by itself, but it's not a keyword, so don't capitalize it.
— The title is unique and creative. I've definitely never seen other stories with the same title, and I don't think I will. Nice creativity there.

Blurb: 1/5
— I don't mind the little snippet of the story at the beginning. It's interesting and engaging for readers. But that's not the blurb. The closest thing to the blurb is the mere 4 sentences at the bottom.
— These 4 sentences are nowhere near enough to give readers proper insight to the story's content. You should have 100-200 words in a blurb. More or less can sometimes be acceptable if the story concept can be gathered from it. However, there definitely isn't enough to introduce the story well to potential readers.
— There isn't a single character introduced, nor is the main conflict brought up. You mention that there is "an extra addition," whatever that means, and the "universal balance, disrupted." But that's not specific enough to inform readers what your story is about.

World: 2/10
— We learn about the map and the mansion place, yes, but we know nothing about the world outside of this. Is it Earth or not? Based on the cover, I want to think it is, but I have no idea because you don't specify the characters and their lives before they started this journey of theirs.
— Assuming this story takes place on Earth, talk to readers about the community or city the characters live in. What is it like? Is it that stereotypical small town where everyone knows each other, do they live in the suburbs and ventured to this forest a ways away from their homes? Maybe they even live in a city, who knows, but I doubt it. Just let readers know.

Plot: 5/20
— You have something like an exposition. It can use work, but it's kind of there right now. We have characters being introduced, although a lot are being thrown at readers all at one time. (I'll rant about that more later.) You introduce the concept of the map and Amanda's dreams. I appreciate that little exposition, even if it doesn't fully introduce readers to the story.
— What is the main conflict? I thought maybe the main conflict would be introduced later on in the story than just 5 chapters, so I read on past my usual stopping point, but I couldn't find a solid main conflict. So they found a map that Amanda has been seeing in her dreams. And her dreams are weird and recurring, so there's that too, but that's not the main conflict. What are they trying to do with the map? Just explore whatever is on it? Like, why though? And it seems like they're just staying at the mansion and not really exploring anything else on the map.
— I just don't feel the story progressing. It feels as if the story hasn't started yet, and I genuinely don't think it truly has. Maybe your intention was for the rising action to start as soon as Amanda found the map, which technically was before the story began, so that would mean there would be no exposition, but that's not how it's coming across. Although I don't think you should want it to come across that way either.
— I recommend that you really take a step back and thoroughly identify the main conflict. You can think about the sub conflicts too, but focus on the main one. Is it internal or external? Then, if it's external, is it person vs person, nature, society, etc. From there, you should plan out the events of the story and how they connect to the overarching plot.