Thorny Reviews | REVIEW SHOP [CLOSED]

《MJ》Elements

Elements || The Lost Medallion by Anastaciawolf

Reviewer: writes_love01

Thanks for choosing me as your reviewer! Your work was really great and yes, there were a few mistakes that I can note to help you improve your book. Let's go!

Cover- 3
The cover could've been more better in my opinion. The locket wasn't well attractive enough and it looked a bit messy. You can try to do something with two girls together or something like with fantasy or anything that's related to their powers.

Title- 5
The title was perfecto. It went right with the content of the book and also with the situation of the characters.

Blurb- 8
The blurb has a bit room for improvement. The blurb was giving out too much information about the story. Try giving some dialogue or scene from the book and try to keep the information of your book a little less, try giving some suspense to the readers.

Plot- 14
The plot, somehow felt a bit cliche and also a bit boring... It was interesting, but then there were times when I could feel the absence of originality and also pureness in the chapters. This absence can bring a major downfall in your readers/audience but maybe not with judges who are judging mystery and fantasy books. They're both things which is hard to write, but also really interesting to read. But in your book, I couldn't feel the amazement or the enthusiasm in reading. It was a serious book, but you know, there is a different feeling when you read a book. I felt kind of bored cause it felt like it was something I've been reading repeatedly in many books. The protagonist has powers, but doesn't know it and his/her father or mother is the head of them. These are some overused topics in fantasy. So, maybe you can try to bring some originality to your scenes. And another thing that I noticed was in the beginning where Eclipse went into a destroyed archery academy or something. There, you had mentioned that the fire had destroyed everything, but how come a set of arrows and bows be kept openly just like that inside a destroyed place? Maybe they found it out from somewhere, but you can mention that too. And these kind of places mostly do have owners and if not, the Government or someone will have the ownership and mostly they'll be locked. So, you can say like, they jumped from the other side of the walls to get inside the place. You can develop the plot at many places.

Character Development- 5
The character development was really confusing yet a bit too fast. There was barely enough time to understand the characters and also there was total confusion with who was whom. You can try to be more realistic with the characters and also try to be more slow at showing how the characters feel. There were rare cases where you explained how the character felt or how the character was at the moment. You can work on the characters and bring different tones to them too. The both girls, Eliana and Eclipse (sorry if the names are wrong) sounded just one person because of the same tone, likes, and almost everything. You can try to work over that too.

Originality- 2
The originality in the book was quite low. There were moments when I felt it. I too had written my story just like this, briefly with less information about the story. I kept telling the story rather than showing. Try to write down things that they notice in each and every thing. Try to make the reader feel the same way the character feels. Try bringing the originality to the book.

Grammar/Spelling- 20
There were barely any mistakes I could find. You did an amazing job here!

Style- 8
Your writing style needs a bit of improvement in my case. There have been moments when I felt like, "What does that mean?" "What is the writer saying?" "Wait- This does not make any sense!" "Did the chapter just end so fast?"
I have gone like this a few times because the length of your chapters were very less and you can literally work on bringing more words, lines and descriptions. Try showing what your character is going through

You can try reading books of your genre and see how you can improve. I am not asking you to copy their writing style. Just asking you to bring up something from inside of you and try doing the things your own way. Make changes in the chapters and also maybe the characters' feelings. There were barely any moments you showed us how they felt. For example-

"Why is he so disgusting?" I asked inside my mind

I could feel the creepy feeling crawling inside me as I saw the figure.

See the difference? The first sentence is like telling us, the second is like showing us. Just try to either elongate your sentences to show the feelings of the characters.

Engagement- 6
I did enjoy your book a lot, but also I could say that there was barely any engagement in your book. I mostly read during classes to see if it can distract me and I couldn't concentrate on your book. I later sat in a quiet room and read the story. I couldn't feel the engagement in your book. Your book lacks suspense and also originality. Try elongating your chapters a lot by showing us the feelings of the characters and their surroundings a lot.

Presentation- 5
The presentation was great, I loved it. Even though you gave huge importance to the graphics, I loved the dedication. The graphics were amazing and the way you presented your book too. I liked it totally. But, just a bit of improvement and you're totally good to go!

Total: 76/100

Your book WAS GREAT! But, you just gotta heal those wounds in your story which are needed a huge amount of time, dedication and work. I am sure you will get it. Although you're an amazing writer and I do appreciate it. I loved your story a lot, just a lil tiny pinch of improvement and you're just perfect as a pressed uniform! Idk why I said that, but you really are a great writer!

~ MJ