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《Samantha》MYSTICAL MUTANT

MYSTICAL MUTANT by Kikibtsstan

Reviewer: samantha-writes

Cover: 4/5
— I really love the picture of Fiona in the cover! Like seriously, it's such a nice visual and what I imagine Fiona to look like. I do wish she looked more like the description you gave in the story, but I understand that it was probably the most accurate picture you could find. Maybe you can do solve editing magic, though?
— The font is good, but it isn't the most extraordinary. I definitely like the colors, I just wish there was more spice to the font, if that makes sense.
— There could be more effects to the cover. Maybe a border or something, I don't know, just some little adjustments to make it that much more appealing.

Title: 3/5
— I think the title sounds nice, but it's a bit contradictory. The words work together because they both start with the letter M, but "mystical" has positive connotation, whereas "mutant" has negative connotation. It's just weird to put them together, so I suggest picking a different combination of words, words that have similar connotations with one another.
— "Mutant" doesn't really make sense in the context of what Fiona is anyway. She's a hybrid, not a mutant. I understand that you probably wanted a term similar to hybrid that started with an M like "mystical" because "mystical" fits perfectly, but "mutant" doesn't seem like the right one. "Hybrid" seems off too, so I think you need to find another pairing, like I mentioned before.
— I don't see a point in capitalizing it. I've seen other stories on Wattpad that are like this, and I can say that none of them have made sense. There are some that could make sense if it has something to do with the story, but it seems to me that it's only capitalized because it's that way on the cover. You don't need to put it in all caps because it's like that in the cover. Just make it "Mystical Mutant," or change it to whatever you've come up with if you choose to change it like I've suggested.

Blurb: 3/5
— You should cover the backstory of the Elevenas and Glorindians more briefly. Readers don't need to know what they thought of each other besides that they hated each other and went to war until each species was wiped out.
— You should mention, however, that Fiona was born from parents on both sides, a hybrid of the species. And maybe bring up that she changes to her true form at midnight. That's not too important, but I'd mention it.
— Louis seems like an important character, so I think you should mention him in the blurb too.
— There isn't really a main conflict mentioned. She has to "overcome all obstacles" in the human world, but that's too vague. Something specific needs to be the main conflict. Maybe some scientific organization finds out that she exists and is trying to capture her. Maybe Suzy does? I think that would be an interesting plot point, that Suzy finds out and gives her location to that strange organization. And she'd have to hide it from Louis and everyone else. It doesn't have to be that exact conflict, I just came up with that off the top of my head. (Honestly, that isn't the best idea because Suzy would probably out her to all of her friends including Louis, but something like it would be really intriguing.)
— The hooking questions at the end are really good, though!

Characters: 2/10
— There aren't many characters at the beginning, so I found it easy to keep track of who's who while reading. However, there are some random characters thrown in that don't seem important to mention the names of and it's unclear what their relations are to other characters. Mrs. Rita's introduction was good, but Mrs. Zhou's was not. Is the the owner of a hair salon? If so, make that clear. I can imply that Fiona works under her at her job at the salon, but again, that has to be clarified for readers. Even then, I don't think you need to mention her name anyway. You can probably just leave that character as "the salon owner" or "Fiona's boss at the hair salon." Something like that.
— The characters aren't described in enough detail. What does Fiona look like? And Louis? We know he's popular, but as readers, we really only want to know whether or not he's hot! (I'm only half-joking lol!) Readers aren't informed on this, unfortunately. We know what Fiona looks like in her mystical form, but when you say her skin got "paler" and her hair became "shorter," we don't know what that could possibly look like because we don't know what her skin color or hair length was before. These details are important to provide for readers to imagine the characters and really dive into the story. Be sure to add them as soon as possible for every important character. Fiona's can be nonchalant, like her observing herself in the mirror or even describing her appearance before and after changing at midnight. For other characters, you can just formally describe what they look like since it's from Fiona's eyes.
— I like that you mention their grades in school, but how old is Fiona? I imagine the war was maybe hundreds of thousands of years ago, maybe even millions, but that information is never disclosed in the story. Well, I only read the first 6 chapters, but I feel like it should be mentioned by then. Or did she just travel to the human world from her mystical world? How did she travel there, if that's the case? And why leave?Anyway, it's just unclear.
— The characters' personalities are pretty good, I think. Fiona clearly has some social anxiety, and maybe there's some traumatic reason why or that's just the way she is, but I like how you show that with her thoughts. Maybe add a little more detail, like her sweating and hearing her heart pound in her ears, to really depict it. Louis is clearly clingy and a little creepy (obviously), but I do wish his attachment to her was more gradual. Maybe it's because he's fascinated by her, since she supposedly looks weird, but it could be drawn out a little more, in my opinion. That's not a big problem, though, so don't worry about it.