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《Samantha》The Slayer

The Slayer by TranquilReaper

Reviewer: samantha-writes

Cover: 4/5
— It’s pretty well-made with nice fonts styles and sizes.
— It matches the fire theme perfectly and the fonts fit decently with it. I do think the fonts could have been chosen better, but they're definitely not bad!
— The girl in the picture fits Rita pretty well, but I'd prefer the character to be more terrified or angry to show her rage against the arsonist.

Title: 4/5
— I think the title fits well with the story and sounds epic.
— It isn't particularly original. I could probably search the same title and find numerous other results, so I recommend that you hunt for alternative titles.

Blurb: 1/10
— I'll start with the most prominent issue: Don't. Use. A. Snippet. Of. Your. Story. As. The. Entire. Blurb. Some people like to add a little snippet at the beginning that hooks readers, and this would be an effective one, but you need to have a proper blurb after it.
— As a result of the completely incorrect blurb, the characters aren't introduced properly. Readers learn almost nothing about the main character, not even her name. We hear about the mother and her appearance, but that's too much to include in a blurb. All you need to mention when it comes to characters is the first and last name, age (sometimes), and a little backstory if necessary.
— There are some grammar mistakes too, but not many of significance.
— The rankings and award winnings are a good way to reel readers in, so I like that.
— Otherwise, there isn't much that I like about it. The "What the hell had happened here!?" is a good hook, but considering it's not coming from an actual blurb, I still don't think it fits.

World: 9/10
— The world-building is great! I love the backstory about healers and Terra, and how you show that healers are treated poorly now.
— The way you provide backstory about the Perilanters is really good.
— I wish you explained the different powers more in depth. We know about healers, but what are the rest of them? Runemages and strength amplification—which is pretty much self-explanatory—but I want to know about more of them. Maybe not too in depth, but it would let readers dive into the story better.

Plot & Conflict: 18/20
— I can see where the plot is going, and I like it so far! The conflict, I'm guessing, is person vs. society because they're running away from the people that want to use them for their powers.
— I wish the main conflict was introduced sooner, though. It doesn't feel too far into the story because your chapters are so short, but it's a little too long.
— The exposition is solid. You really introduce the characters and their situations well. I wish you could describe the orphanage more, though.

Characters: 8/10
— I'm not sure why, but I thought the main character was a boy at first. That's not a problem you made, that's just me not paying attention, but I thought I'd mention it lol.
— I like how you described Rita and Lily, and they fit with the pictures you used in the character intro. You could probably describe the characters sooner, but the way you incorporated that information is really smooth and I like it a lot.
— Their ages and grades, at least for Lily, are established nicely too.
— I love how you show the characters' personalities and relationships with one another. It's obvious by her dialogue and actions that Lily is playful and fun, as most children tend to be. And Rita clearly adores her sister and is protective of her.
— Who is Mia? Like she got mentioned as a girl at the orphanage, but she wasn't officially introduced. Rita just used her name in the dialogue, but readers have to assume who she is. I think that, unless you mention her in previous chapters, you should give her an introduction before Rita uses her name. Right now, though, it's kinda awkward.

Chapters & Content: 5/10
— The prologue bothers me a little bit because of the ending. You summarize what Rita does after the incident, but a prologue shouldn't be written like that. You should end it with something that'll leave readers on a cliffhanger and make them want to keep reading. For example, you could end it with the sirens going off and lights flashing in the distance. Just make it a little snippet of backstory, not a summary of her past.
— Also don't make it seem like Rita is retelling the events after the fact. It would be much more effective and readers would be on edge if it was written during the events.
— Each chapter is too short for my taste, like I mentioned before. I really think the first few chapters could be combined or expanded upon, which will fix that problem. The chapters just seem short right now, though.
— The first line isn't interesting at all. I hate when stories start with "It was..." because it's so bland. You should've started with something interesting, like the fact that the character's town is on fire. That's extremely engaging to say the least. Kick the prologue off with some imagery about the scene around her, the heat of the fire, the smoke clouding her vision and invading her lungs/nostrils, things like that. Those would interest readers much more.