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《Samantha》His Broken Butterfly

His Broken Butterfly by Ni_sha_sha

Reviewer: samantha-writes

Cover: 5/5

This cover is absolutely amazing! It's so pretty and well-made, I just can't get enough of it! My only complaint would be that the girl in the cover doesn't look like how Nessa was described, at least the hair doesn't. Regardless, it's too gorgeous to take a single point off of!

Title: 5/5

I love this title! It's unique and fits with the story. Maybe "butterfly" is a little misleading because Nessa wasn't particularly innocent after everything that happened to her, but I still love it!

Blurb: 7/10

The blurb is decent, but it's quite vague. It doesn't introduce characters or the main conflict well enough. You should bring up that Archer is extremely popular and a douche, that would be valuable information. It just seems like it's lacking details overall, and I'm not sure how to explain it more than that.

World & Settings: 10/10

Every single scene is described with so much detail and imagery, it makes me feel like I'm really in the moment. All the scenes that need lots of descriptions—the parties, the moments Nessa is panicking, and more—have just the right amount of descriptions to keep me invested and not be overdone. Really, your setting descriptions are amazing! I can't get enough!

Plot & Conflict: 18/20

The main conflict is a bit hard to pin down, but it seems to be that Archer is making her senior year more difficult than Nessa had intended. It's not the most solid conflict, and it's quite broad, but I don't hate it. It was pretty clear that the rising action started when Nessa squished a burger in Archer's face (hilarious scene, by the way). And the exposition was really well-done too. There isn't much I can fault you with here except that the main conflict is a little unclear, but it definitely doesn't make the story unenjoyable!

Characters: 10/10

The characters were introduced so well, like I can't even describe how amazing it is! Their backstories aren't given away immediately (which is good because they shouldn't be), but they're hinted at enough to make the readers curious. Plus, the appearance descriptions are on point and repeated enough that readers can easily recall their appearances as the story goes on. Maybe the only flaw would be that Zac and his friends open up to Bianca and Nessa early on, but it doesn't really bother me. And maybe Archer also opens up too early to Nessa, but again, it's not significant enough to bother me. I can't think of anything significant to fault you on, really. Almost every aspect of your characters that I've read so far has been flawless!

Chapters & Content: 10/10

Each chapter feels like it's building up the plot more and more. Archer and Nessa seem to get closer, more backstory is revealed, and more drama happens. Sometimes it does feel like there's a lot of drama, but it's clear that the story isn't just made up of that. There's a lot to it, and every chapter feels meaningful. The first chapter, the introduction to the story, does a great job of hooking readers in with the action and the hinting of Nessa's backstory. I just love the content in each story!

Grammar/Spelling & Vocabulary: 7/10

If anything is going to bring you down, it's this category. I definitely isn't bad, but since everything else is amazing and this is just plain good, it seems a lot worse off. It's definitely your weakest point, especially with comma usage. You lack commas in complex sentences (sentences with an incomplete sentence at the beginning followed by a complete sentence) most of all, and sometimes before transitional phrases. In the sentence, "With a sigh I said to her," you're missing a comma after the dependent clause (incomplete sentence), "with a sigh." If the dependent clause was after the sentence, "I said to her," then you wouldn't need to put a comma. There only needs to be a comma is the dependent clause comes first. An example of when you needed to position a comma after a sentence that stated with a transitional phrase is in the sentence, "Instead I caught sight of Jordan Rosewood." There needs to be a comma after "instead" because it's a transitional phrase. You also lack commas in compound sentences (sentences with two independent clauses that are separated by a conjunction). An example is the sentence, "I gave her a small smile but she definitely wasn't buying it." Here, you need a comma before the conjunction, "but," because "I gave her a small smile" and "she definitely wasn't buying it" are complete sentences combined into one. Make sure that you don't put a comma before conjunction words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) if they're not separating two complete sentences, which is a common mistake. Apart from those frequent issues, there isn't much to critique. Your vocabulary is great, except I definitely think you could use "said" less and replace it with other synonyms. Besides that, you're doing alright here.

Writing Style: 9/10

I really like it! Sometimes it feels like you're talking to the audience, which isn't a big deal, but it sounded off at times. Like, Nessa would be talking to the readers through the narration, but it didn't hurt the overall feel of the story hardly at all. Your writing is amazing, really! I can't hardly fault it!

Enjoyment & Engagement: 10/10

This story absolutely pulled me in, I'm amazed! I became obsessed with the characters and their problems, especially Nessa and her story. It's to emotional that it kept pulling me in even when I'd read more than I normally do. I'm definitely going to keep reading, and I can't wait to do it!

Overall: 91/100

It's very difficult to score high with me judging, I'll be honest. I'm very picky, but I know a good story with good writing when I see it, and yours is just that! This story is so good, and I've only read the first 10 chapters! You need to keep updating because, trust me, so many people will want you to, especially me. Your downfalls are definitely the blurb and grammar, but they aren't hurting your overall story. I still loved it even though I'm a grammar freak! I'm so ready to see what more you have to offer with your writing, so keep up the great work and keep on improving!

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