Thorny Reviews | REVIEW SHOP [CLOSED]

《Via》Bumper Cars

Reviewer: xFall3nang3lx

Bumper cars by bookowl1234

Thanks for asking me to review your book bookowl1234, you clearly tried hard while writing this book, you can see how m uh effort you put into it.

Cover:
Whilst I do like the picture of the Ferris wheel a lot, I can’t help thinking what if you changed it to a picture of bumper cars and having people driving in them to you know bump into each other as I think it would be a funny reference to your title and would n a interesting connection as well.

Description:
Reading the blurb it sounds like a couple who are arguing and have broken up, but when you actually do read the story it’s something entirely different so I think you should rewrite the blurb to make sure that it does have something to do with the plot and that it’s not something completely off. However I do appreciate the effort you’ve put into writing this and that can’t be missed.

Storyline:
After Googling the legalities regarding your protagonist’s nationality, she should only possess American citizenship and thus follows the conventional way of calculating age - in any case the way of calculating Korean age is only applicable in South Korea and cannot be applied elsewhere therefore meaning Aisha can’t be in charge of the company as she is to young. To back up what I’ve written, on Wikipedia you may only be entitled to South Korean nationality provided one of your parent is South Korean at the very least; neither of your protagonist’s parent possess such citizenship and therefore she does not have South Korean nationality. So I think you may have to rewrite your story as this is a big problem, your story does have promise but it’s just that part you need to deal with.

Characters:
Aisha is the main character of the story who’s been having a rough time: her dad died in a car crash, her brother is in a coma because of said car crash, her mum is a alcoholic and abuses Aisha because she blames her for the car crash, so there’s that, and she’s somehow the owner of a company despite being underage.

Grammar/Spelling:
There are some mistakes in your story such as in chapter 1 in the line “we’re greater by Sam and Elijah” the word should be ‘greeted’ instead of ‘greater’ and some spelling mistakes as well such as the misspelling of ‘secretary’ as you’ve spelt is as ‘secretory’ and ‘steel’ instead of ‘steal’ and I think in chapter 8 you meant to write ‘genie’ instead of ‘ginnie’, there are also areas in your story that have been written in the wrong tense, an example is in chapter 4 which is the line, “I realized she gonna had a panic attack” I think it should instead be, changed to, “I realized that she was about to have a panic attack.” Always always make sure to look back on your work whenever you finish a chapter to ensure that you haven’t made any mistakes, other than that, it doesn’t change the fact that it was still a promising book.

Engagement of the reader:
Despite the error it was still a good book, you just gotta go back and fix it, I hope you do take my advice, as I feel like it would be a major improvement to your book.