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《Maria》Ms. Fernsby's Cottage

Reviewer: marshaa1306

"Ms. Fernsby's Cottage" Story by Peggors

Title/Cover - 10/10
Your title definitely pertains to the story well as pretty much the whole plot is centered around Ms. Fernsby and her children.
I really like your cover! It gives a really dark, eerie vibe which matches your story perfectly.

Blurb - 9/10
Your blurb is pretty interesting and it conveys the mood of the story well. To make your blurb better, I'd love it if you could ask some sort of question at the end of your blurb to add a nice hook. That hook is what will make readers really want to delve into your book.

First few chapters/Exposition - 10/10
Your introduction to this story was just perfect and I love that the first part of your book is a poem! I haven't seen any other book that has this and you managed to do it so well. Then, in the first chapter, you introduce the main characters and the situation but you don't dwell on it for long. Instead, you jump straight into the action which is much more enjoyable than boring character introductions.

Plot - 20/20
Honestly, what can I even say here? Your plot absolutely blew me away with its complexity and cohesiveness. There are so many layers to what is happening in your story and it all just makes sense in the way you have written it. Nothing seems random or out of place in your plot. Also, you've nailed writing in third person omniscient, which is very hard to do and very hard to read if done wrong. The many points of view blend together perfectly to create a very action-packed, mysterious story with some twists and turns that I never expected.

Pace - 10/10
The pacing of this story is also done very nicely. At some points, I found myself scrolling through your story as fast as I could trying to find out what happened next and then getting angry at my phone when it wouldn't load fast enough. And then you would give me a chance to catch my breath a little bit between your fast-paced scenes. Really amazing job!

Grammar, Punctuation, Syntax & Diction - 8/10
Just a few things that I will mention here:
1) You have some long run-on sentences that need to be broken up into smaller bits. This can help your writing to be easier to read.
2) There are a few instances where you use the wrong version of a certain word. For example, when Evelyn is on the stairs to the basement, you say that the stairs creeked when it should say that the stairs creaked. A creek is a small stream of water. A creak is defined as a harsh, high-pitched sound.
3) I'd love for you to use a bit more vibrant language when you describe some things. Sometimes you repeat certain words often and it would elevate your story if you switched it up. A thesaurus is especially useful with this.

Characters - 14/15
Let's start with talking about Clarence Ackerman. I really do think you've created the ideal psychopath here. I found myself cringing or just flat-out gaping in horror at some of the things that he said or did, but I think that's the kind of character you wanted to create. Trust me, you hit the nail directly in the head on this one.
Now to discuss the children staying at Ms. Fernsby's cottage. I think you've portrayed their age group super well, and trust me, I know because I work at a child care facility with this age group almost every day. You've made them out to be naive and trusting which is exactly how 7-9 year olds are; they just don't know any better yet.
The police force in this story are probably the least believable characters in your book, but that is not an insult. They seem to be very desperate, almost to the point of foolishness. I mean, come on, they're going to release Clarence? That is a very drastic measure that I feel like normal policemen (and policewomen) would not take. But, considering that Helen is the only one that seems to keep her head, releasing Clarence is a more plausible option which is why I'm not too upset over the realisticness of your police force.
Alright, now to talk about the one and only Ella Fernsby. She really is one of the best characters I have ever read about. She's such a mystery and I was intrigued with her right from the start. I wondered whether she was actually a kind woman who offered children a home or if she had some sort of secret dark past or something. Now, I don't want to say too much about her character here just in case there are potential readers reading this review, but her character is definitely something to keep reading for.

Overall Enjoyment - 15/15
If I am being completely honest, this may be one of the best stories I have ever read on Wattpad. I absolutely loved it and I have added this story to my library to look out for future updates. Fabulous work!

Total Score: 96/100