𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐒 | 𝐊- 𝐏𝐎𝐏

𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗁𝗎𝗇𝖽𝗋𝖾𝖽 𝗌𝗂𝗑𝗍𝗒 𝗍𝗐𝗈

Chapter 43: Aftermath

Hana returned to work the next morning, dragging herself there, thinking about Taehyung and the connection, and wondering, hoping, he might call, but no call came. She smiled for her children even though she suddenly felt the depth of the emptiness inside. She smiled at Mrs. Lee who knew she was hurting, but knew better than to ask why. She went home that evening and cried herself to sleep, wondering if she would ever hear from him again, wondering if she would ever feel happy, ever feel whole. The space in her heart that he filled was now a cavernous void, and she wondered if it could ever heal.

Each day without contact from him, felt worse. Each morning she woke up alone, checked her phone, hoping for a late night call from him, saying that he'd reconsidered, that he didn't blame her, or her Grandfather; feeling it was all a misunderstanding that somehow they were even closer with this connection than they had been. But that call never came. Each night she laid awake, trying to remember every detail of him, parceling out memories to get her through the evening like the last crust of bread to a starving man.

She was afraid to call him, afraid of the rejection. She was fearful that he wouldn't take her call, that it was over, and he wouldn't love her ever again. She had finally allowed herself to trust. She had at last opened her heart to love, real love; messy, vulnerable, make you feel crazy love, and now she had to wallow in the pain, alone, in her darkness.

She cried with regret; thinking that if only she had showed him the image on the very first night, when she had tried to push him away, he would have walked out right then, and she wouldn't have opened her heart. She could have gone on with her life, empty as it now seems, but she wouldn't have known any better and she could have been happy, in a way. Now that she has felt what the world is like in his light, being without it is cruel and intolerable.

Over a week passed by with no word from him, no gifts for the children, no flowers for the room, no construction workers ever came. Mrs. Lee did not seem surprised by this, but Hana felt incredibly guilty for being the cause of the building not being repaired, the children not getting their garden plants. Mrs. Lee seemed strangely quiet on the whole matter. In fact, she once got up the nerve to apologize to her and she brushed off her apology, simply saying, 'It will all work out in the end.' But she knew it wouldn't. So many days had past since he left her apartment in the middle of the night, half dressed, he was so eager to get away from her, and he wasn't coming back.

She sat in the empty back garden at tea time the following Friday, watching the children play and looking at the empty chair next to her where he once sat. The children enjoyed using the gardening tools, even if they were just pushing the dirt around, with nothing to plant. She tried to focus on her old life, and made a mental note to stop by the garden center and see if there were any overstocks of plants that couldn't be sold. Maybe she would do it on Monday before class. Maybe that could distract her from the ache in her soul, if only for a little while.

***

Taehyung had returned home that night, shutting himself away in his bedroom, not willing to take calls from anyone, not willing to admit what he was feeling. He wasn't sure himself what he was feeling. It felt like betrayal: he felt betrayed. Thinking that Hana's Grandfather had loved his Grandmother, and that she had loved him back, that he was her 'true love', made him feel sick to his stomach. He had always believed his Grandparents were his role models for love. They had lived through difficult times and had always worked as partners, always stayed by each other's side, anything was possible as long as they loved each other. If Hana's Grandfather thought she was his one great love, how does that measure to his own Grandfather's love? He wondered if he knew she had this other love before him, he wondered if it would have hurt him. He feels certain he couldn't have known, it would have been cruel of her to tell him.

Perhaps the way Hana's Grandfather remembered her wasn't actually the way she felt about him. She had only been 16 at the time, maybe she didn't know what real love was yet. Maybe she felt an infatuation with the young man in uniform from the far off land, and had a school girl crush. That could be explained away. That could be excused, forgiven, but not true love. Certainly it couldn't have been true love.

He refused to answer Mrs. Choi's questions, and she eventually stopped asking them. She felt too guilty for messing things up to push the issue any further. He wouldn't discuss it with Jimin or Jungkook. Both had reached out to him, asking why he wasn't coming to group meetings, or responding in their group chats.

They even went so far as to create a group chat without him to discuss what they could do to reach out to him. Namjoon thought it was best to let him come to them. He knew something bad had happened, and he thought it had something to do with her believing he was engaged to someone else. He thought perhaps she had refused to hear him out and that he needed to lick his wounds and find his strength again before reaching out.

Every day he spent alone, wandering through his apartment, staring at the same page of a book, looking at the same magazine, letting movies play without an audience, almost afraid to go out and face the rest of the world. He had been so sure about her. He thought he was on a new path, the right path, only to have it taken from him so painfully.

He did think about her, a lot. Every time he opened his closet he was faced with the bag of clothing she had left behind that he had placed out of sight. He knew where it was and his eyes often found it, reminding him again of what he lost, and forcing him to wallow in the ache. He questioned if he could find a way to get past the feeling of betrayal, to honor his Grandmother's love, and put aside thought of his Grandfather, but he felt that if he looked at her, he would think of him again, thinking of the love story that couldn't be real. He would remember, and it would hurt too much.

He lays in the darkness of his bedroom, staring at the ceiling, hoping sleep will take him away from all of his thoughts, when the phone next to him rings. He sees Namjoon's name pop up on the screen from the side table. Namjoon had not called him at all during this time. He sent one text early on that just said 'if you need me, I'm here.' He looks at the phone curiously, debating whether or not to answer it. It goes to voicemail. The decision was made for him. It rings again immediately, and he sees Namjoon's name. He sits up on his bed, reaching for the phone and he answers the call.

"Hyung?"

"Jin's wife had the baby, we're at the hospital now." Namjoon says quickly. Tae smiles, his first smile in two weeks.

"That's wonderful news. Is everyone doing OK?" he asks, feeling a little sad for himself, but happy for Jin.

"Everyone is great. Get here Taehyung. Come see your family, they're waiting for you," he tells him. Taehyung knows he should be there. The birth of Jin's first child is so important. He needs to put his own pain aside and go see him.

"I'll come, but, Hyung? I don't want to see anyone else just yet. Is that ok?" he asks meekly.

"Yeah, sure. I will make sure everyone goes home before you come. I meant what I said, if you need me..." Taehyung hangs up, and reaches for the light on the nightstand to turn it on. He runs his hand through his messy hair and groans as he lifts his body up to get dressed for the day, at 11:30pm at night.