March 6th 1808
Jess
Heavy breaths fell from lips as hers moved further down my neck. Though I could hardly focus on that with my mind running a million miles a minute.
Sensing my mood she pulled back away from me. "Darling what's the matter? I know something is bothering you."
"Nothing I'm okay." I tried to go back to kiss her but she wouldn't let me.
"Darling I know you, something is on your mind so what is it my love?"
I sighed deeply, sitting upright to take Billie's soft hands into my own. "We can't keep doing this much longer, you do know that don't you?"
Her face saddened as she sighed herself.
"I try not to think about it, but yes I do."
"You know I want more than anything to be with you. But you also know that we can't."
"I know love but-"
Suddenly we heard my mothers footsteps causing both of us to scurry. I pushed Billie into the hidden compartment behind my closet which is something that happens way too often.
My mother knocked on my door shouting to me because it was locked. I always have it locked when Billie is over.
I hurriedly went to go and unlock it for her.
"Sorry mother, I was just changing."
"Oh it's alright dear, but I have fantastic news for you. Your father and I have found you a husband."
"A-a husband?"
"Yes! Oh Jessie dear you'll love him he's tall, he's kind oh he's perfect-"
"Mother mother wait, um I have something to tell you." I stopped her mid sentence deciding it has to be now or never.
"What is it dear?"
"I can't marry this man."
"And why on earth not?" She asked me. Oh I already knew this couldn't end well. I nervously messed with the rings on my fingers, one of them being a ring that Billie had given me.
"Because I...mother I don't like men..the way a girl is supposed to."
"Okay, I don't understand what is going on?"
"Mother...I don't want to marry a man. I think I want to marry a woman."
Her face held nothing but pure disgust.
"That's preposterous. You can't possibly be serious."
"Mother-"
I tried speaking, but she snapped at me.
"No you listen to me young lady! This is absurd! You are going to marry this man whether you like it or not do you understand me?! You can't possibly marry a woman. That's foolishness! You are set to be married in exactly 3 weeks!
"But mother -"
"No! Ugh! I can't even look at you right now. You will stop this foolishness if you want to keep your place in this family do you understand me?"
"Y-yes." I said with a shaky voice, on the verge of tears.
"Do not speak of this nonsense to anyone especially your father do you understand me?"
"Yes ma'am."
With that she left the room and I went to lock my door back laying my forehead against it. a few moments later I felt Billie's arms wrap around me.
