Nothing To Give But Love (A Michael Jackson Story)

Chapter 58- Baby Blues

Chapter 58

I sit in the library, looking out of the window at the raindrops racing across the glass. Above me, I hear the pitter-patter of the light rain outside.

After we came back home, we had dinner and I decided to give Michael his own company. I'm sure he's still downstairs.

The dinner was silent. I was hoping for some headway to Michael's mood swing but I couldn't pull anything. He just gave me a distant look along with a blank expression, which didn't help. He looked like he was holding back from it. Why, is beyond me.

So I left him to be on his own for a bit. I also needed some thinking space.

I've been thinking about how different things would be if my life was what I expected it to be. If I graduated college, if my parents were still here, if I hadn't met Michael, if I wasn't pregnant.

It's all so scary, honestly. My life is in a great place right now, because of Michael, but what if I never knew him? I know I would be worse off, obviously.

Living on the side of the street in a cardboard box? I've been through hell. Thinking about it is terrible, so I stop.

I bring my legs up toward myself and wrap my arms around them, resting my chin on my knee, my body sort of like a ball.

Soon, I won't even be able to sit like this. My protruding stomach won't allow it.

Still staring out at the rain, I start to speak.

"Mom, you used to love the rain." I whisper. I close my eyes, envisioning her in rain boots and a raincoat, stomping around in the massive puddles left on the sidewalk and looking up, wanting more 'sky water', as she would call it. It brings a smile to my lips.

"I remember how I would watch you doing that, I was a teen at the time. It was when my biggest worry was getting my hair wet. I would step out to the porch and say, 'Mom! Why are you doing that? You're getting all wet!' I didn't understand.

"But now I do. It's just little things, that calm you, help you deal with things. You did it because it made you feel better, to take your mind off of your vitiligo.

"You know Mom, Michael has vitiligo too. Yes, I'm sorry I haven't yet, I'll introduce you to him very soon. But he's the love of my life. I love him so much, Mom, it scares me. Of course he hurt me but that's what I should've expected. Craziest part... I'm pregnant with his child. That's some news, I know. In six months, I'll be a mommy like you. I already am.

I rubbed my belly softly and whispered, "Boy or girl, boy or girl..."

"Being the great Mom you are, you would say that 20 years old is too young to have a kid and I should be in college. But the decisions I've made feel so right."

I fiddle with my thumbs and keep speaking, praying she'll hear me.

"Mom, I'm meant to be with Michael. I really am and I know it. The things he does for me, to me, and with me make me feel so wanted and loved, like I never have before. Everyone makes mistakes, of course, but I'd be a fool not to love him again. And like the great Mom you are, you would support me."

I smile wider, having a vision of my father. "And Dad, like the great dad you are, you would agree with Mom, like you would always do."

"I miss you so much. Both of you. I want to see you again, and I know it will happen soon. Your grand-baby wants to meet you too, and so does Michael. I can't wait.

"Don't worry Mom, you will still be my maid of honor at the wedding, and Dad, you will still give me a way." I smile.

"Just like old times, we would always talk about my grand wedding, and I would always dream--"

My mouth instantly shuts once I hear a large sound coming from downstairs.

"What was that..." I allow my voice to trail into silence as I stand up from the cushioned seat and slowly go down the stairs.

"Michael, are you down here? Baby?" I reach the bottom of the steps and go to the living room, which is empty. Where is he?

"Baby? Bab--"

Suddenly, Michael screams.

"Where are they!?" Cabinets and cupboards are being slammed in the kitchen. I rush over there.

"Michael? What's going on!"

I scan the kitchen. Dishes and cups and silverware are strewn everywhere. It's completely upside-down. While a restless Michael is frantically looking around as if he lost his eyeliner.

"Michael," I reach out to place a hand on his shoulder, but he whirls around and rips away from my touch.

"Get out! You can't... I don't want you seeing me like this."

"I am not leaving! Will you tell me what's wrong?"

"No!" He screams before hurrying to the guest bathroom and ripping open the medicine cabinet. "Where the hell are they?"

"What are you looking for?"

"You touched them, didn't you?" He accuses me.

"Touched what?! I don't even know what's going on," I say.

"Where are they!"

"Michael you better tell me right now what you're talking about!"

Then Michael slumps down the wall of the bathroom, he hangs his head and puts his face in his hands.

I inch closer to him and rub his back as his body starts to shake.

"The pills... I can't find them, I need them," he says barely above a whisper.

My heart drops into my stomach and I'm on the verge of tears. "You do not need them."

"You don't know me!" He snaps with pain in his voice.

"I know you better than anyone! I know you," I say, starting to lift his head up look at me.

He gazes in my eyes and his eyes look empty. It's scaring me, I can't lose him.

He puts his hands over his mouth quickly and crawls to the toilet, lifting up the seat. A moment later, he's retching.

My tears fogging my vision, I stumble over to him and hold his hair back. He grips the toilet seat before lifting his head wearily to me.

"I'm not cut out to be a father." Michael says quietly.

"That isn't true, of course you are."

"Liar." He shakes his head. "You're such a liar."

After that, he continues to vomit and I start to sob.

--

Chapter 58

Disclaimer: I'm not disrespecting Michael Jackson in any way. I love him. This is part of the storyline, and I have no knowledge that something like this actually happened. It is for the sake and emotion of the story.

Thank you!

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~Joy ✌️