This is how much I love you guys. Four updates in one day. Don't forget that! <3 xx
“I’m not boring you, am I?” Shawn asked, ripping me out of my thoughts.
“No,” I shook my head. “I’m sorry, I’ve just been kind of distracted today.”
“What’s on your mind?” he asked with genuine concern.
“It’s just-”
A loud knocking on the door of the apartment interrupted me in mid-sentence.
“I’ll be right back.”
I got up from the sofa and headed towards the door. The knocking was persistent and quite annoying. As soon as I opened the door, my eyes met green ones for a split second before hands cradled my face and soft lips crashed into mine.
As much as I wanted to kiss him back, I knew I shouldn’t, I couldn’t. My palms pressed against his chest, pushing him off of me. He didn’t seem surprised by my reaction, just sad. I hated to see him sad.
No. I need to snap out of it. I need to stick up for myself. I can’t let him run me around anymore and he needs to know that. Who the hell does he think he is just coming to my apartment and kissing me out of nowhere anyway?
“What the hell?” I snapped at him.
“I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have…”
I was amazed to see him at a loss for words. He always had a reply to everything and here he is in front of me stumbling over his own words. What happened to him?
“I’ll just…Oh, fuck it. I can’t even think straight.”
I watched silently as he paced the hallway, pulling at the ends of his hair. For some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to close the door. He came here for something and I wanted to know what it was. It couldn’t just be to kiss me. That would be a complete waste of time.
“Harry, are you okay?” I asked getting kind of worried.
“Am I okay? You’re seriously asking me if I’m okay? Does it look like I’m okay, Gabby?” he bit back.
“If you’re going to be an asshole, you can just leave.”
I went to close the door but his hand caught it in mid-swing. I sighed and opened it again.
“Please don’t shut the door,” he pleaded.
“Fine. Why are you here?” I asked whilst crossing my arms over my chest.
“I’m here because I need you, Gabby. I can’t live without you. You-”
Harry stopped talking and was looking behind me. I turned around to see Shawn standing there bewildered by the scene in front of him.
“I’ll be right back,” I dismissed him with a forced smile.
“No. He can stay, I just want you to listen to what I have to say; then I’ll leave you alone forever,” Harry interrupted.
Shawn stayed put after he said that, but Harry didn’t pay any mind to it. This was very uncomfortable for me right now.
“I was thinking today and I realised that I have been the one who fucked everything up. It was never you, it was always me. You deserve better than the way I treated you and I know it. But, Gabby, I don’t know how to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere that I go. You were the reason I got up every morning and actually wanted to go to that stupid fucking high school. You made me smile and laugh when no one else could. I realised that you’re my reason for living, for breathing, for going through with this living Hell of a life that I was given. I don’t know how I’m going to survive without you and it scares the shit out of me. But the thing that really fucking hurts is knowing that I’ve wasted all the chances you gave me and I’ll never get another one. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I know I don’t deserve you and-”
I didn’t care that Shawn was standing right there, I was already starting to cry and I just needed to make Harry shut up before I literally fell to my knees. My lips pressed against his with my arms wrapped around his neck. It took him a second to reciprocate the kiss and cup my face in his hands.
As soon as we pulled away, I opened my mouth to speak, but ended up covering it with my hand instead as Harry stumbled backward. His hand went to his lip and he wiped the blood off with the back of his hand, anger overtaking his features.
No. This is not happening. Uh-uh.
They were both out in the hall now and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing as I stood next to the entrance of my apartment.
Harry was taller than Shawn and I’m sure he was more experienced when it came to fighting as well. He had the advantages and I was honestly a little frightened for Shawn’s sake. Shawn threw another punch at Harry, but he dodged it.
Yep. This is really happening. Mmhmm.
I was actually cringing, squinting my eyes and trying to close them but I couldn’t. The worst part was that I had no idea how to stop them.
My eyes followed Harry’s fist as it connected with Shawn’s jaw. He paid more attention to his jaw than Harry and as a result got punched in the stomach. Shawn doubled over and got down on his the ground, clutching his gut in pain.
I could tell that Harry was contemplating whether or not he should beat the crap out of him. Harry was older, taller, stronger, and more experienced. Shawn didn’t stand a chance and who knows what will happen if I don’t stop Harry now.
“Shawn,” I spoke loud enough for them both to hear.
They both turned their attention to me. Harry’s eyes were full of fear and Shawn’s were more in pain than anything at this point.
I looked at directly into Harry’s eyes as I spoke to Shawn, “I’m sorry, but this isn’t going to work out.”
Harry’s face lit up with a smile as he walked over to me. His hands went under my jaw as he tilted my head up and brought his lips down to mine. I tried to control the smile on my face as the kiss deepened. There was a slight taste of metal from the dried blood on his lip, but I didn’t care. He was back and that’s all that mattered to me.
We went inside and closed the door, leaving Shawn to deal with his pain on his own. I felt bad about doing that but Harry said he’d be fine and I trusted him.
Maybe I shouldn’t trust him with anything anymore. Maybe I’m an idiot for taking him back after everything he’s done.
But you know what? I really don’t care. I love him and he loves me. We’re horrible for each other and yet we’re perfect for each other at the same time.
Harry and I just stood there in front of the closed door in my apartment. My head rested on his chest and my arms wrapped around him as I listened to the steady beat of his heart. He held me close with his arms around my lower back and kissed the top of my head.
This moment was perfect. I wish every moment we shared was just like this one. I would never want to leave his side for even a second if that were the way it was.
“We should take it slow this time,” I suggested with my head still against his chest.
“Anything you want to do, baby,” he responded.
I looked up and smiled at him. He leaned down and kissed my forehead, making me smile even more. Can he stay like this? Correction, can we stay like this?
* * *
So much for taking it slow, my subconscious annoyingly reminds me as I’m pinned against the wall of the bedroom and my shirt is pulled off my body leaving me in just my bar and panties.
Harry was already down to just his boxers as he pressed himself against me. I could already feel him getting hard against my stomach as his lips attacked mine hungrily, our tongues battling for dominance.
Every step backward he took, I had to take two forward considering our height difference. The roles were in reverse as Harry climbed onto the bed first with me following him. He laid on his side, probably thinking I would just lay down for him. Instead I pushed down on his shoulder so he was lying on his back and climbed over top of him.
I dipped my head down into his neck and along his collarbone. My trail of kisses continued down his torso to the band of his boxers. I licked a stripe up on his skin from the top of his boxers and held eye contact with him as he intently observed my every movement.
Crawling back up his body, I “accidentally” ran my hand over the bulge in his boxers and earned a groan from him. Pleased with his reaction, I repeated the movement, only with more force. He responded by pinning me down to the mattress.
“Don’t tease me,” he practically growled.
I smirked and brought my hands to his jaw, pulling him down to meet my lips. His fingers hooked into the elastic band of my panties and he broke away from the kiss to pull them off of me.
Once the material was gone, he kissed the up inside of my thighs. His tongue ran a line over me…down there, but then he pulled away, leaving me disappointed, and started to kiss up my stomach.
“Payback’s a bitch,” he smirked when he got back to my level.
I pulled him down enough to lick his cheek, “I know.”
“What are you, an animal?” he teased.
I clawed the air with one hand and made a growling sound at the same time just to play along, but Harry was completely still for a few seconds.
“You’d make a sexy tiger,” he commented.
I playfully bit the tip of his nose.
“Ow,” he whined even though I know it didn’t hurt.
“Oh, I’m sorry, babe,” I played along whilst leaving a kiss on his nose.
“Babe?”
“Got a problem with it?”
“I like it.”
He pressed his lips against mine and ran his hands up my sides as his tongue ventured in my mouth. I somehow found the band of his boxers without being able to see and pulled on them, silently asking for them to be removed.
Harry complied and took them off, then got right back in between my legs. He started to kiss up my neck to my ear.
“You’re still on birth control, right?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“Good, cause I didn’t bring any condoms with me,” he smirked.
Was it strange that I was relieved to hear that? In my mind it was confirmation that he hasn’t slept with anyone or even planned on doing so.
My mouth opened with a silent gasp as he pushed into me. It has been a while since we actually had sex and by no means was he small; I had to get adjusted to it each time.
“You okay?” he asked as he pushed all the way in, letting me get used to his size.
“Yeah,” I breathed, “It’s just been a while.”
“I know, baby,” he said softly as he placed a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Just let me know if you need me to stop.”
I nodded and tried to keep my moans quiet as he started to move; I didn’t want to cause a scene or have people talking about me moaning like they did in England after that recording got sent out.
Both of us started breathing harder as he began to move faster, my moans becoming harder to control. My hands went to his shoulder blades, nails digging into the skin as his pace quickened. There would surely be multiple raised red lines from my nails on his back.
Harry starting saying multiple profanities as his name tumbled from my lips numerous times. The room seemed to have gotten ten degrees hotter as he brought me to the edge of my point. One last thrust and I was done, falling into that indescribable euphoric state. He finished not long after, panting into my neck as he came off his high.
Once he fully recovered, he rolled off of me and laid on his side with his head resting in his hand as he looked at me.
“What?” I quizzed.
“I just can’t believe that you took me back…I won’t make you regret it.”
I smiled looked up at the ceiling. I was happy that he was back and I hope I made the right decision.
It was quiet for a while before a question popped into my mind at random and I said it aloud without thinking it over.
“Do you want children?”