I Promise I Will
August 28,2010
12:02 a.m.
August (POV)
We'd finally pulled into mama's driveway, it took us a good hour since I couldn't speed like I'd originally planned to do. I had to drive slow due to all those bumps and potholes that would cause the car to shake violently when going fast. I didn't want to hurt Mani anymore than she already was so I decided to take things slow, not wanting to cause her anymore pain.
I practically jumped out the car shoving the keys into my pockets and running to Mani's side of the car. Opening the car door I had to take a few steps back shocked at the unbelievable image before me. Sweat was covering her entire body, I pushed the braids back that were sticking on her forehead so that I could see her eyes. After I made sure she wasn't seizing, I scooped her up in my arms, ready to tend to her needs.
"Ahhhhh!"
"I know mama, ya' wanna go ta' da' hospital?"
"No- Ahhhh! Juss' get me in da' house please Aug!"
After hearing those words I ran to the front door full speed, I shifted my hand underneath her so that I could open the door. She tried to tell me something but it came out as a high pitched squeal.
"Don't talk ma, I gotcha." I reassured her.
I pushed the door open to the house and was instantly met by a furious mama cussing up a storm in the kitchen.
"Mani I don't care how mad I am, ya' know ya' curfew in dis' house! I told ya' 11 o'clock dat's all I asked of ya', but nooo ya' wanna disresp-,"
She stopped in the middle of her mini rant and looked between me and Mani, I guess she saw the terrible state Mani was in because in a split second her face changed from pissed to worried, confused, and scared. She rushed over to me and Mani's side and pushed me over to the couch.
I've never seen my mama so scared and seeing her this frightened had me about to freak the fuck out. It's kinda like when I was a little kid I was never scared of bugs and shit like that but one day me and my mama were cooking and she seen a spider. I wasn't phased by it but when she got scared I damn there pissed my pants. What I'm trying to say is when she's worried like this I'm just as worried and frantic as her.
"What happened?!" She asked looking at me with tears already filling in her eyes.
"I-I don't know ma?!"
"Why da' hell didn't ya' take ha' ta' da' damn hospital August?!"
"She didn't wanna fuck-,"
"Stop."Mani croaked.
"Mama I'm fine,"She told her,"I'm sorry fa' breakin' curfew but I'm fine, ok? Now go get some rest, I luh' you." She said giving mama a slight smile.
"Mani ya' not fine, ya' can't even move!"
"Mama." I interrupted.
"What boy?!"
"I got ha', ok? I know exactly what ta' do, juss' go get some rest ma."
"But-,"
"Mama please juss' let me take care of this and I'll make sure ta' let ya' know everything in da' mornin', ok?"
She nodded her head and walked over to Mani, softly kissing her cheek.
"I luh' ya' baybeh." She told Mani.
"I luh' ya' too mama."
I watched as my mama reluctantly walked to the back to her room before I placed my eyes back on Mani. I clasped my hands together and bent down in front of her.
"Ok, what do I do?"
I know I told mama I knew what to do but of course I didn't know what to do, I was scared shitless right now.
"Go ta' da' bathroom, don't run nothin' but cold water, then go in my room and get my medicine. It's in da' top shelf in da' closet on da' left side."
Running to the bathroom I did exactly as she instructed. I turned on the cold water and stuck the stopper in the drain, before running off to her room and pushing all her clothes on the floor in search for her medicine. Once I retrieved it I hastily made my way back to the living room.
"Hea' ya' go ma." I said stretching my hand out to give her the medicine.
She looked at the bottle of pills then at me, with a stale expression.
"I can't move, rememba'?"
"Oh yea."
I took the lid off the prescription bottle and proceeded to give her the pill. She opened her mouth and I stood back and watched as her Adams apple became visible indicating she had swallowed the pill. I walked into the kitchen and brought her back a bottle of water so she could wash the pill down completely. I held the bottle up to her mouth allowing her to take a few sips. After she took a couple of gulps, I set the bottle down and walked to the bathroom to turn the water off, when I returned I prepared myself so that I could lift her up.
"Ya' ready?"
She slowly nodded her head, letting me know she was scared.
"Brace ya'self baybeh." I swiftly picked her up and carried her to the bathroom and set her on the bathroom counter. I stood in between her legs while her body fell motionless onto my chest.
I couldn't believe this was happening to her, but this time it was worst it seemed. She was sweating like crazy and she couldn't control her breathing rate. I wanted to question and interrogate her like she does me, but until I get her to her regular self all that will have to wait. I was trying my hardest not to blow up and snap, but how could I— this girl that I care so deeply about is going through something she can't even comprehend.
I've stayed up with her countless nights with her while she cried herself to sleep over her life. Yes, she was strong, but damn, even the strongest people need a day to breath. You can't always be the person to stand tall, sometimes you need someone to lean on, and that's why I'm here for her... so she can lean on me.
"Aug I need ta' get in da' water."
"Ya' need ta' get undressed?"
She nodded her head yes.
"Ya' want me ta' get mama?"
"Yes please."
I walked out the bathroom and down the hall to my mother's bedroom door. I rose my hand and right when I was about to knock something came over me. I knew for a fact she wasn't sleep, but I didn't care. I made my way back to the bathroom and froze when I realized what I was doing, but that didn't stop me. There was something telling me that I had to be the one to do this. It wasn't a sexual thing, but more of a... this is something I have to do thing.
"S-She sleep ma." I purposely lied.
"But I need ta' get- fuck!" She groaned when she tried to stand.
I pushed her back up on the sink and stood back in between her legs stroking her cheek as she rested her body on mines trying to catch her breath. It was crazy how much her condition took out of her, it made her so weak and tired.
"I could help ya' Mani."
"No, hell no! You can't, I'll do it my damn self."
"Mani ya' can't even move juss' let me help you."
"No!"She yelled," I-I can do it myself." She whispered.
She was scared of me.
I stepped further in between her legs and started to take her shirt off.
"Aug I said-"
"Mani I gotcha."
Not giving her a chance to say anything I lifted her shirt over her head exposing her small perky breast, sitting pretty in her fluorescent bra. I lifted her a little off the sink so that I could try to take her pants off. Right when I reached for the button she started kicking and punching me in the chest not caring that her body was in a broken state.
"No, no, no! Get da' fuck away from me!"
I grabbed her arms and pulled them to my chest looking her dead in her eyes so she could see into the pits of soul.
"Mani look at me."
"No, no,"She panted,"Please juss' let go."
"Mani look at me, please."
She looked at me with tears streaming down her face with the most fear filled expression on her face that I've ever seen. She was shaking so bad that I thought she was about to collapse, but I knew it was only because of all the sudden movements she was making.
I let go of her arms and cupped her face in my hands.
"I'm not them Armani. I'm not them fuck niggas, I would neva' hurt you like dey' did," I paused so I could control my emotions,"I promise ya', I give ya' my word, now let me help ya' baybeh."
She didn't say a word she just let her exhausted shaking body fall on top of mine. I took that as a cue to finish getting her out of her garments. I closed my eyes and proceeded to help her.
I unbuttoned her pants and slowly pulled them down leaving her in nothing but her bra and panties. I looked up at her for permission to finish and to my surprise she said I could.
"I'll keep my eyes closed, ok mama?"
She didn't say anything, so I guess that meant I was in the clear.
I put my hands on her bra clamp closing my eyes in the process, I heard a click and slowly slid her bra straps down her arm and threw it off. I skimmed my hands over her body until I got to her waist I pulled down her underwear and threw them to where I thought the clothes hamper was.
Standing to my feet I rolled up my sleeves and swooped her up in my arms slowly walking her to the to tub so that I wouldn't fall trying to get her there with my eyes still closed. I followed the sound of the dripping water faucet and figured I was right above the tub.
I leaned down to put her in but as soon as her body touched the freezing water she gasped causing me to draw back thinking I did something wrong.
"No, keep goin'...I need ta' soak in it."
I nodded my head not knowing if she was looking at me or not and continued with putting her in the water. Once again she let out a loud gasp, but I continued to put her frail body into the tub, feeling every part of it tense up in my arms. The more the water started to cover her body the louder her whines got. I don't know why she didn't want to go to the hospital, but one thing I know about her is she's very strong willed. So trying to changer her mind would be impossible.
I unwrapped my arms from around her and stood up straight. I finally got a chance to open my eyes and gave them a chance to readjust to the light, before I tried to walk out and wait for her to finish with her soak.
"Aug?" She called when I reached door.
"Hm?"
"Aug stay wit' me."
"Ya' sho' mama?"
She was clearly already uncomfortable with me being here, and I wasn't trying to make things worse.
"Yes ju-juss don't look at me ok?"
"I won't, I'll keep my back turned."
I took a seat on the toilet facing away from her and towards the door, just like I told her I would. I didn't want to look at her like I did at first, seeing how uncomfortable it made her. I just wanted to know one thing that was weighing heavy on my mind.
"Mani?" I asked trying to see if she was alright, since I didn't hear any water moving.
"Hmm?" She hummed softly.
"Ya' thank I'll hurt ya'?"
"No I juss',-"
"Then why ya' got so scared?"I asked," I would neva' do you like they did."
She let out a deep sigh and I let one out too, knowing this was about to go no where.
"Ya' don't unda'stand August."
"Make me!"
"I can't! Not without showin' you." She said whispering the last part.
"Showin' me what."
"Nothin'."
"Why Mani!"
After a while of her not saying anything I just gave up on the whole conversation What's the point in me talking to her and trying to get her to let me in when she shuts down the minute I try to help her.
Ten minutes had passed and I was engrossed in my phone just looking at shit— until I felt a wetness seething through the back of my shirt. I glanced over my shoulder and seen Mani's arm stretched out with her hand resting on my shoulder.
"I'm ready to get out now." She told me softly.
I said nothing as I got up from the toilet and went to get her a towel from the hall closet. I retrieved the towel and closed my eyes so I wouldn't see her— even though I was mad— I would still respect her wishes and her privacy.
Swaddling her body in the towel I secured her in my grasp and opened my eyes. I carried her into her room and set her down on the bed.
*
*
*
I laid in the bed next to Mani's naked body since she didn't want to put on any clothes. I offered to sleep in the living room but she told me it was ok and that she would just wrap up in her covers. I even told her that I would get naked with her, you know to make her more comfortable, but instead she tried to beat me so I just left that suggestion alone.
I was going to go ahead and go to sleep realizing that I had been staring at Mani's face for two hours. She was the type of beautiful I couldn't understand. The humble, unknowing kind. It was just flabbergasting that a girl like Mani couldn't see her self-beauty, she didn't see what I seen.
"August."
I looked down at her thinking she was sleep because her eyes were still closed, but I know for a fact it was her who called me. She has a voice like no other.
"I-I'm sorry." She said opening her eyes.
"It's coo, ya' don't trust me, I get it."
"Yes I do Aug."
"Then why would you even think I would hurt ya'.
"I didn't."
"What?" I responded growing aggravated with her.
"I wasn't scared of you hurtin' me."
"Then what Mani? What was it?"
Dammit all she had to do was tell me. I just wanted to know why she was so scared of me when I've done nothing but be there for her, or tried to at least.
"It's not dat' I didn't want ya' seein' my body,"She croaked,"I-I didn't want ya' seein' what's on it.
"Watcha' mean ma?"
She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath then peered up into my eyes as she started to unwrap the covers from around herself.
"Mani whatcha' doi-,"
"Keep ya' eyes on mine."
Before I could say anything she moved the covers off of her and used her hands to cover up all the parts that made her a woman. Any other nigga would be trying to get a peek at all of her assets, but that was the least of my concerns once I seen what she meant when she said the things that were on her body. I rose my already shaking hand and grazed my finger tips over the reminders of her past, every scar, every bite mark. All the scratch marks that laid on her thighs as if an animal was clawing away at her skin.
For some reason the scars along with the rest of her body were becoming blurry to me, to the point I could hardly see it.
I was crying, Me! crying.
"Mani" I whispered, not wanting to see what I was clearly seeing.
"Oh my Mani."
On the outside looking in most people would see Armani as beautiful and strong, but damn even I didn't know the pain and depth she'd been through. Come to think of it I've never seen her body exposed like this, and now I know why. Now I know why she could never fully forget and heal from her ordeals. Because every single day she looked in the mirror the only thing she seen was the sad, lonely, beaten up little girl that was lost and cold. The reason she wouldn't let me build her up and help her, she couldn't let go of the past, not because she didn't want to. It was because she couldn't, it was branded into her skin. Literally.
"Everyday August, everyday I wake up ta' dis'.... Everyday I wake up I'm reminded of da' worst parts of meh'. Every scar, every cut, all the cigarette burns, I'm fuckin' reminded of'em, and ya' know da' worst part?"
I slowly shook my head, not knowing what to say to her.
"Da' worst part is I rememba' how every last one of'em got there, every mark on me I can tell ya' how it found its way on my body. All these years and they still thea' August, I'm not scared of you,"She looked into my eyes,"I'm scared of what you'll think of me now dat' ya' seen my worst."
By now she was full on crying and I was right there with her bawling out my eyes. I've never felt this pain before and the crazy part is it wasn't even my own pain to feel. I was hurt because she was hurt. I felt pain because she felt it.
I've never let anyone see me cry before, but with her I knew she wouldn't judge. No girl has ever made me cry, ever. Except when I use to get that belt across my ass.
This was how I knew that Armani was truly special to me— because the control she had over me. The way she could make my emotions go in a million directions just off of the way she felt.
"Mani I'm so fuckin' sorry, I-I juss' wanna help ya', c-can I help ya' Mani?"
She slowly nodded her head while looking into my teary eyes.
"What ya' need me ta' do? I-I'll do it, I promise, j-juss' tell me my love."
My heart was breaking, it was aching out for the Queen that lost her crown. I wanted to do whatever I could to help her retrieve it ,and if she needed me to, I would climb the highest mountain top to help her.
She looked up at me trying to hold her composed look on her face, but after a few seconds of trying she gave in allowing her face to show all of her pain letting the tears fall.
"I need ya' t-ta' hold me!" She blurted out through tears.
And that's exactly what I did, without a second thought. I grabbed the covers wrapping them around us and pulling her into me closely as she broke down into my chest uncontrollably crying, while I silently broke down to myself. I kissed the top of her head repeatedly pulling her in as close as I could.
"I luh' yo' beautiful ass and always will, I promise I will."
She couldn't even respond she was crying so hard, but she did nod her head... and that was all the conformation I needed.
The rest of the night we cried together holding on to each other for dear life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well there you guys I hope you enjoyed it my loves.
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Just a real nigga commin' through...😜