My beautiful love. My life, my forever, had squatted down to the ground and was making a sound that would break anybody's heart. I needed to clear my head. I was so confused. My mind was still reeling from the rapid shift in the mood. I needed time to transition, so I stood there. I could feel my eyes blinking out of sequence with how fast the world was moving around me. I hung, suspended in time, then time adjusted, and I was falling to my knees beside NuNew.
"Nhu? Nhu? Baby, what is wrong? Did I hurt you?", I asked.
I tried to hold his face in my hands so we could make some kind of contact. If I saw his eyes, maybe I could understand what was happening to him. But when I pulled his face gently into my hands his eyes were not seeing anything, at least anything that was here in this room. The pain was internal. Something within him was causing him grief.
Checking his body, I did not find any injuries. All I could do was scent him and hold him. I pulled him into my chest, engulfed his body with mine, and swayed back and forth releasing a steady stream of soothing pheromones. Letting him cry these tormented sobs that sounded like they originated from the depths of his soul.
I began humming, sometimes singing nameless tuneless melodies. I adlibbed little phrases of love and comfort while I kissed his hair and rubbed his back. Sometimes my tears would fall with his and soon the top of his head was damp. My poor little kitten was suffering so much. I was desperate to know why, but I needed him to calm down first. So, I crooned and cooed and poured my love and strength into him.
All things must end, and so eventually did Nhu's tears. He had melted into my chest having no more energy left. I picked up my limp noodle and brought him over to the nest. His face never left my chest as I gently lowered him down and squirmed to get the soft blankets to cover us.
We lay there listening to each other breathe. Drawing strength from our love. I knew to wait. He would speak when he was ready. Though it tortured me a bit not knowing, I did my best to remain patient. Then I realized that his breath had become too regular, and I recognized the little purrs he made when he was well and truly exhausted. I had been too tolerant because Nhu had fallen asleep.
Peeling my body away from Nhu's I uncovered his flushed and sweaty face. How had he breathed against me like that? My poor little kitten. And with that thought I too fell into a fitful sleep.
Sometime before dawn, I woke up to Nhu stirring. He had thrown a leg over me in sleep and his face was in my armpit. I felt his little huffs of breath as he adjusted trying to free himself. Reacting without thought, I pulled him on top of me and nuzzled his cheeks and neck, until I found the spot where I had marked him. I left a chaste kiss on the mark not wanting to rile him up but wanting to make a connection with him.
He was wide open to me, and I could feel him. He seemed calm. Almost as if he had purged himself of poison with his tears. Nhu reciprocated my affection peppering little kisses on my face and nuzzling his cheeks against mine. We continued scenting each other, it was a way to show love and reaffirm our vows.
Nhu became very still, and I could sense something building inside of him. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded horse and he had to clear his throat a few times until he could speak. And once he began speaking, he did not stop for a very long time.