Chapter {69}
Song of the chapter : 'Something in the Orange' by Zach Bryan
Paul Jackson:
The air was thick the moment I stepped foot into the house. Flowers were everywhere. White roses graced each surface, the smell filling my nose, overpowering everything else.
You could feel the sadness fill the air. Even the weather outside reflected the general atmosphere of the day.
God do I hate funerals.
I walked towards the kitchen knowing I'd find Everleigh there, probably making tea for everyone and snacks for the kids trying to keep herself busy and be the perfect hostess, and sure enough she was. Most of the kids were running in and out of the garden, blissfully unaware of what today meant for all us grown-ups. Aj, however, was sat in the corner of the little table Leigh has for the kids in the kitchen by the bay windows, lost in thought.
Luke sat with him, neither of them sharing a word. I had never seen Luke so calm with someone and not pestering them by talking a million miles a minute but I think he knew Aj needed someone by his side. It was lovely seeing their friendship blossom like Damon and Kendyn growing up.
I let out a sad sigh and gracefully accepted the hot beverage Everleigh handed over.
"I know. Sweet isn't it." she nodded towards the two boys.
"Yeah, bittersweet," I concluded and sat at the table with her.
I can't begin to imagine how Aj is feeling at this moment, losing a parent in such a horrid way. A part of me was glad that Aurora was too young to remember any of this, but at the same time knowing she will grow up with no memories at all is what devastated me the most.
That day has been haunting me for weeks, the scenes playing in my mind over and over again like a broken record.
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I didn't like how long all of this was taking. I didn't like that we had no contact with anyone inside the house. Kendyn had gone round the back to see if he could see anything without any luck. My guess is Steven must have bugged the place so that our intercoms would be cut off in certain rooms in the house. I had no way to see what was going on and all I could think about was that dreaded night all these years ago.
I feel so stuck and helpless. Carter Junior was back in his car with Aj and Alex making sure he was fine, giving him some water and snacks.
I couldn't stop myself from pacing in front of the van. I knew we couldn't go in and help because there was too much at stake and would just make the situation worse. I had faith that they would all come out unscathed but that faith died down very quickly when the incessant sound of gunshots rang into the night.
Everything went by in slow motion. I ran to the house followed by Kendyn. Screams pierced the air as we made it back into the house. I ran into the living room, my eyes scanning the scene laid out in front of me.
Everleigh was crying, being held back by Asher who was trying to keep his tears at bay. Steven was shot dead in the corner, blood everywhere making it hard to determine who was shot or not. Then my eyes fell upon Damon and Emrys. Blood surrounding them. I fell to my knees beside them.
"She's not breathing." was all Damon could utter. Clinging onto his love.
Her once golden hair was smothered in her own blood. My heart was shattering, piece by piece.
Damon was putting pressure on a wound on her neck, desperately trying to stop her bleeding but I knew it was too late.
"She can't leave me. You can't leave me Sunshine. Please." he sobbed, leaning down to hold her closer to him.
All I could do was place my hand on his shoulder. I knew his pain. The realisation settling in that the love of your life has crossed the other side. That you will never see them smile, hear them say your name, and never hold their hand again. They will only ever live in your memory until one day you cross over to meet them again. To walk into their awaiting arms and be reunited once more.
"She's not alone, her father is there waiting for her. He will take care of her." I choked out gripping his shoulder even tighter, letting my own tears fall.
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We had finally all made it to the cemetery. Asher, Ray, Damon, Carter Junior, Kendyn, and Myself were the ones to carry Emrys to her final resting place. The crowd had grown silent as we began to march down the path. A path I knew all too well as I had walked it many times to see my Carter. It didn't feel right to be by him on such a sad occasion but Emrys could not have been laid to rest anywhere else other than beside her father, both taken away from us too soon.
Aurora's cries resonated as Everleigh tried to settle her. I glanced over and saw a few tears slide down Aj's face, he was standing holding Annie's hand while holding a single-stem white rose with the other hand. My heart broke further seeing those little brown eyes holding so much sorrow, it was like looking into Carter's brown eyes.
We reached the end of the path and placed the coffin down. Each of us bowed our heads in respect and stepped away, well all beside Damon. He couldn't step away. He turned to his father, tears glistening in his eyes.
"I can't let her go." he shook his head and looked down at Emrys' coffin.
"I can't live without her. She can't be gone, Dad, she was my whole universe." Damon fully broke down. He had held his own for so long. After Emrys died in his arms and we brought her back he had put himself back together for the sake of his children. As if he had sworn to himself that he wasn't allowed to break and grieve the loss of his wife.
I knew what he was going through. All those feelings mix into one, the hurt and pain that surges all through your body. Each breath you take is one that they no longer do. The guilt is the worst part. The guilt that you carry thinking that you could have done something to save them, that you should have been able to change the narrative that was given to you and despite your best efforts they are no longer by your side, you get to live on and wonder why you. Why do you get to be the one to watch his child grow, to see the wrinkles settle on your face, and let yourself grow older while they will forever stay thirty. Next thing you know, you're at his daughter's funeral watching her husband go through what you went through silently. Having to watch her children grow up without a grandfather and their mother. Having to be the one who remembers, the one who shares the stories so they can live on in the hearts and memories of the loved ones around them. To remind Aj of his mother and to teach Aurora about hers.
Asher had taken his son in his arms, holding firmly onto him knowing full well that if he wasn't his son's rock he would crumble. The air was thick, no one dared to utter a word while the whole scene unfolded before the family and friends that had gathered. Damon sobbed in his father's arms for a little while longer before the officiant was ushered to move the proceeding along. The ceremony was short but beautiful. Not one eye stayed dry, it was difficult to hold a strong front. Emrys was so loved and cherished by the Mortimers and everyone she ever came across.
We walked away as a unit, we needed each other more than anything today. Walking away from the love of my life after his funeral was the most painful thing I have ever had to do for this line of work, walking away from Emrys was the second hardest.
I walked beside Damon who was holding a very sleepy Aurora in his arms. Without a word, I reached over and gave his free hand a squeeze before letting go. He knew. He knew I was there and that I knew what he was feeling and that one day he would be okay again, only half of a whole but he would make it through. Just like I had to.
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Before anyone has a go at me for Killing Emrys off : I'M SORRY !!!
When I was planning Damon's book I just didn't see her living on...
again, I understand if you hate me, I'm very sorry but it was her time...
Anyways!
this is the last chapter before the Epilogue, this is officially the end of Her Damon *snifs*, it's been a long time coming..
this book that has taken me the longest to write so far! madness!
much love,
until next time
xoxo