(Author's note: Did you miss Negan? 😊 Listen to "Monster" by Skillet. I feel like this song could be his theme song. :D ❤ Listen before reading.)
...
Negan, Alexandria
Negan was devastated. He fell back to depression, which turned into anger with time. He felt like a caged beast more than ever. He wanted to let out his anger, he wanted to destroy. Because that's exactly what he felt inside. Destruction. He was crushed by his own emotions. Only if he had Lucille, he could have smashed everything around him. Everything fell apart. He had several breakdowns when he was usually yelling and throwing and kicking things in his cell. He couldn't get over Quinn's "death". It never occurred to him that Daryl may have lied to him. He was going nuts that day as well, but this one time he had gone too far.
He started hitting the wall with his fist until it started to bleed.
He was screaming while doing it.
Gabriel was passing by, he heard Negan screaming, so he looked through the window and ran away immediately. He got scared. His heart pumped in his ears as he rushed to get Siddiq.
Gabriel brought him along, he opened the cell and they rushed to him to tie his hands, but they couldn't. Negan was fighting them off while screaming, he punched Gabriel in the stomach, then Negan collapsed on the floor and started to cry while they managed to tie his hands behind his back, finally.
"What happened to him?" asked Gabriel, gasping for air, rubbing his stomach.
"I don't know. Looks like a psychiatric case, which I don't have much experience with," said Siddiq.
"What should we do with him?" asked Gabriel.
"What's going on here?" asked Michonne who had just came down the stairs.
"Negan is having some kind of a... seizure," said Siddiq, unsurely.
"What's your problem?" asked Michonne strictly, but Negan was just sitting on the floor crying.
"Quinn..." he sobbed.
Michonne remembered that Daryl told Negan, Quinn didn't survive the suicide attempt. Michonne didn't care what Negan thought, she didn't care either how he felt. Gabriel and Siddiq kept their eyes down, they didn't dare to look at Michonne. They knew Quinn was alive and they felt guilty for not telling Negan. Siddiq glanced at Michonne, then looked back at Negan.
"Try to calm him somehow. He is waking up the children," said Michonne and she left.
Gabriel and Siddiq looked at each other, then they took Negan to the infirmary.
...
Siddiq managed to calm Negan down by giving him a sedative injection and while he was dozing off, Siddiq put gauze on his injured hand.
They put him back in the cell.
Finally, Gabriel took pity on him, so he decided he is going to have a session with him, once every week. He is not going to tell him the truth about Quinn, though, however bad he felt about it. It was Daryl's call and Michonne went with it, so he didn't want to go against them.
...
One week later the mental breakdown
Gabriel closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he entered the basement. He felt like his heart was heavy. He walked down slowly. Negan was sitting on the ground, staring in front of him, into nothing. Gabriel looked at him for a moment, Negan didn't give any sign he acknowledged his presence. Gabriel sat down on the bench which was right outside his cell. They brought it in especially for Gabriel, so he could sit there while having the session. Gabriel didn't know what to do, how to start. He knew Negan didn't believe in God, not even before the world ended and definitely not now. Gabriel cleared his throat, gently, then looked at Negan again.
"I know you are devastated. I'm sorry for your loss," he said gently, but it was clear he felt uneasy. Negan didn't look at him. Gabriel continued: "I'm here to help you through this emotional crisis. Your life shouldn't be wasted like this. I know you don't believe in God, but I brought the Bible if you would like me to read it to you."
Negan didn't even blink. Gabriel thought for a second that he might be dead, but he could see him breathing by the rise and fall of his chest and his face was full of emotion.
"Don't worry, I won't read it unless you want me to," added Gabriel, who was afraid that if he started to read the Bible, Negan would go insane again. He was watching Negan, but he still didn't give any sign.
"Death is part of life. We will all die at some point. Unfortunately, it is more common and too soon during this state of the world," he almost said that Quinn might be with God in heaven now, but then he realized she committed suicide... those who took their own life didn't get to heaven, according to his religion. He pursed his lips together, thinking hard about what he should say. It wouldn't comfort Negan anyway if he knew Quinn was in heaven. Of course, Gabriel knew Quinn was alive. He glanced at Negan, then opened his mouth to continue, but Negan interrupted him.
"Get out..." growled Negan very quietly, his voice was hoarse. He didn't have to say it twice, Gabriel stood up immediately.
"I will try again next week. I'm sorry," he said quickly and left the basement. Negan took a deep breath when Gabriel left and closed his eyes. Then his tears started to pour again, his shoulders were shaking, he was sobbing for a long time again.
...
The next day, Judith wanted to visit Negan at the window, but she heard him screaming and crying. She stopped, frozen, she got scared. Michonne heard the noise too and came out when she saw Judith.
"What are you doing here?" Michonne asked her daughter.
Judith flinched and turned to her.
"I just wanted to go to play, when I heard him," she said with huge, innocent eyes, pointing at Negan's window. Michonne frowned her eyebrows.
"Don't be scared, he can't hurt you. He is just upset. We should leave him alone," Michonne told her. Judith slowly nodded and went back to the house, confused.
Michonne didn't like this. She glanced at Judith who entered the front door of their house and disappeared inside.
Michonne took a deep breath and went down to the cell.
Negan stopped crying when he saw her. He quickly wiped his face. Michonne didn't want to feel this way, but she was glad to see Negan like this. He was in the same state as Maggie was when Glenn was killed by this man, right in front of her eyes.
"What do you want?" Negan growled.
"Now you know," said Michonne quietly. "The pain you caused us."
Negan looked at her with anger burning in his eyes.
"You came to gloat?" he asked, his voice cracking.
"No," said Michonne quietly, but confidently. "I came to ask you to shut up. You scared Judith."
Negan's heart skipped a beat. "You scared Judith." These three words felt like he was stabbed right into his heart. He didn't want to scare Judith, not in a thousand years. He just couldn't control his anger and sadness. Michonne nodded as Negan stayed quiet for a while, then she left the basement. Negan wiped his eyes once more. He let out a huge sigh and shook his head.
He was afraid Judith won't come to talk to him anymore.
He slowly went to his chair and sat down. He leaned the back of his head against the wall and closed his eyes.
What did I do? Little Judith, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about everything... Maybe someone or something is punishing me with this... I killed so many people and then Quinn is dead. Quinn is dead... I deserved this.
He started sobbing again. He couldn't stop. He just lost his only friend here, Judith, he was sure she won't visit him again. He felt so lonely and he missed Quinn. There were so many opportunities, but he missed them all, he made Quinn angry and sad. He regretted all of it. Only if he could see her once more, he would show her all of the love he felt for her. He was surprised by this wave of emotion, the only time he felt this was with Lucille... He didn't even know Quinn that well, but he felt that he should have got to know her better. He should have jumped into it, not avoid it because of the circumstances. But he won't meet her again. She was gone.
She was dead...
...
Listen to "Monster" by Skillet again, love this song with Negan. ❤