Jungkook's POV-
Monday came and went before I really had time to process what was going on. Ever since Saturday I have felt like I've been sleep walking.
My mood definitely isn't as bad as it was before, but my mind has been in and out of that dark place I was in when everything happened with Jin.
The wounds I thought were healed have been opened again.
Yoongi has been very cautious with me it seems the last few days. He senses something is off and has been trying to get me to talk to him or just make sure I know that he is here if I want to talk, but I don't want to.
It's not that I don't trust him, I just don't want to burden him with my issues. He's got enough to think about with the whole Irene situation.
I don't want to bother him with more shit to think about.
I got to see Tae at school yesterday which was so nice. A very welcome distraction for sure. He helped lift my mood a lot, even though it was just for a few minutes.
I miss him. I miss both of my friends.
Jimin spends most of his time with either his dance classmates or Hoseok so I hardly see him and I only see Tae at school because of how seriously he is taking his spy role.
Jimin I can understand, he wants to spend time with his boyfriend and I try to understand Tae's reasoning as well, after all he is spending time with Yeri to help me, but you'd think she really was his best friend if you didn't know about the plan.
If I would have known enlisting him in this secret mission would mean I didn't get to see him outside of school I probably wouldn't have made the suggestion. At least he will still go to class with me.
He reasons that since Irene's people have already observed our routine of us going to class together it would be more suspicious to stop doing it.
I don't know about that, but as long as I get to hang out with him still I'm okay with it.
Today though, I needed him to come to my apartment with me. I am having a particularly bad day and I just need him. It took some convincing but he is going to be here soon with food and snacks.
I hear a knock on the door and rush from where I'm sat on my bed to let him in, but Tae's not there. Instead on the ground is an unmarked envelope.
I know who this is from. I don't want to pick it up. I don't want to know what's in it. I just stand in the doorway, staring down at it.
How did the person even move so fast? It took less than a minute for me to get to the door.
I hear the elevator ding to my left and look over to see Tae struggling to keep all of his bags in his arms as he steps into the hallway.
I rush over to him, taking one of the bigger paper bags that was balanced on his arm.
"Tae, I know for a fact at least one of the employees downstairs offered to help you bring these up here for you," I chuckle weakly.
"Yeah, like three did, but it was almost as if they were doubting my strength. I couldn't allow that! It became a question of my pride." He huffs out before laughing along with me.
I step over the envelope on our way in.
Tae notices me do this and asks, "Are you going to bring that in?"
"Nope. It's unmarked which means it's probably from her. I don't have the energy to look at it." I voice as I place the bag with the snacks on the counter. "You can open it if you want but I don't want to know what it is."
He shrugs as he turns back to the door and picks up the envelope, bringing it inside with him.
I try to ignore him but I can't help but watch his face as he peaks inside. I see his brows come together in a bit of confusion before he pulls something further out of the envelope to get a better look at it.
He gulps as his pupils shake in confusion, looking over every centimeter of whatever was in the envelope before he lowers whatever he saw back into the envelope and closes it.
"Is it okay if I take this? I can give it to Chanyeol. I'm supposed to see him later at the company."
"Please do. Thank you Tae." I say with a smile before I bring my attention back to the bags on the bags and start unpacking them.
"Yay! You got my favorite Dried Squid Chips! Good job," I smile widely. Genuinely.
With the bag in hand I turn back to see him placing the envelope carefully in his backpack.
He has a concerned and puzzled look on his face before he notices me looking at him and abruptly puts on a happy smile.
"You're welcome Koo! The actual food is in the other bags though. We're going to have a real meal before we eat chips and gummies."
"YOU GOT GUMMIES TOO?! God bless you Kim Taehyung." I swoon dramatically as I begin to dig for the gummies.
He laughs loudly as he walks over to me to take the bag from my hands and slide the food bags in front of me.
"Let's eat first Koo." He smiles.
I huff. "Alright. What do we got?"
We unload the food he's brought them before heading over to the window. We've turned off all the lights in the apartment and sit in on the floor in front of the windows to eat.
After we are a few bites in I ask him how things are going with Yeri.
"I don't think she knows quite as much as I expected she would. Irene really only uses her to spy on you two here, not for investigating into your past, which is what I was hoping to get intel from her about, but I did notice that she was talking often about another person named Hyuk that is very close to Irene. I didn't recognize this as being one of the executives or instructors that Suho mentioned.
"I looked into it a little and he is someone that works in the security detail for Irene. From what I've gathered he is in her private security detail and I think one of her investigators.
"Normally I would just try to make friends with him, but Yeri hasn't even met him and it doesn't sound like he actually ever goes into the company." He purses his lips as he thinks, "I'm still trying to figure out how I can find him."
"You are doing so well Tae. We wouldn't know nearly as much as we do without you." I say as I lean over and rest my head on his shoulder. "I'm so thankful for you."
"I would do anything for you, Koo. You know that."
"I know Taetae. And I would do anything for you."
We continue to look out at the city while finishing our food.
Then Tae suddenly asks a question.
"When Jimin asked me to call your mother the other night, what happened at the company? He didn't really explain, but I also don't think he knows the full story in order to be able to fill me in."
I finish the bite in my mouth slowly before answering. "I was talking to Namjoon and some things from the past came up. Emotions I thought I was over but wasn't."
I hear him gulp before saying, "Was it about Jin?"
Here it is. I've been honestly meaning- wanting to talk to he and Jimin about my past with Jin. This isn't how I'd imagine doing it but this is as organic a time as any.
I take a deep breath. " I never told you and Jimin about this before, but when Jin came to stay with your family that summer, he was the one that got me to really think seriously that I could like boys.
"I know you and Jimin thought I had a crush on him, and I did, but it was much bigger than that to me. I really really liked him. I had thought a boy was cute before but he was the one that made me actually think more seriously, more romantically, about being with a boy.
"It was so strange. So new to me. But I didn't go about telling him my feelings the right way. I-I," I hesitate before continuing. "I kissed him totally out of the blue. It wasn't my intention to approach expressing to him how I was feeling at all. I realized that point one second after it happened.
"My plan was to talk to him about how I felt. To confess and have an actual conversation, but I just had this overwhelming feeling of anxiety building inside me that made me desperately want to just get it over with.
"While we were sitting on his bed and he was showing me his pictures I kissed him. It was so quick that I kissed the corner of his mouth, barely touching his lips at all, but it happened.
"I didn't even get a chance to think about how it felt or how I felt because he flipped out at me. He yelled at me and told me he would never like boys. Also that he never wanted to see me again. Then a few weeks later he left to go back home."
He is silent as he looks over at me with wide teary eyes.
"W-was the first time you'd seen him at my house when you came to pick me up?"
"No. It was however the first time I had seen him since I saw he and Namjoon kissing while I was visiting the coast with my mother though."
"Oh God. Koo... Oh my God." He blinks, tears quickly beginning to build and fall that he quickly wipes away. "I'm so sorry we did that to you! Oh my-"
"You didn't know. Neither of you did. I never told anyone about Jin except Namjoon. My mother didn't even know the full story until recently. Namjoon knew the whole story of Jin and I. That's why it was so strange to see that he ended up with Jin." I chuckle bitterly.
"When I went to the company the other day I was talking to Namjoon and we were talking about how much I struggled with my identity as well as my sexuality back then. It made me remember how I was feeling back then. How I didn't want to be different. I didn't want to feel how I was feeling. I just wanted to be like everyone else. I didn't want to be me...
"Anyway," I cough away the building tightness in my throat. "Namjoon is the one who helped me when I was having my doubts and troubles and I wanted to ask him if he went to ask Jin what had happened with me and ended up trying to help him with his own identity crisis. He confirmed to me that this is what happened."
"T-that's what you were talking about the other night?"
"Yes."
"Did the talk help you?"
"Truthfully, no. Well, actually maybe a little. At least I got to confirm that he went to meet Jin with the intention of trying to understand our situation and not to hit on him or something. But over all, it kind of just set me back."
"I'm sorry to hear that." He says as he wipes away a few more tears.
"it's fine... I'm dealing with it. It's nice to talk about some of what's been going on, but I think that's all I want to say tonight. I'd rather not think about it..."
He nods in understanding. "Let's only talk about happy things then, hm? Fun things that will make you smile and feel happy. We can do whatever you want! I don't have to meet with Chanyeol for-" He grabs my wrist to look at my watch, "Another three hours." He says before placing a kiss on the back of my hand and putting it back in my lap.
"I want cuddles and to watch a movie."
"Sounds good to me!" He gives me a grin. "Let's finish dinner and then we can grab the squid chips and gummies for desert."
"Okay, Tae," I giggle, laying my head back on his shoulder. "Thank you."